He sold me the dream… again

[Bush321]

Sorry I’m advance this is going to be long…

2016 I met a man he was amazing! We started seeing each other it was lovely. Spent most weekends with him, lovely holidays etc but he couldn’t fully commit. He put it down to the break up of his marriage 12 years prior. We tried to make it work but ultimately wot he has to offer me wasn’t enough.

I moved on met someone else, he remained single (as he had been in the time between his wife and I) we kept in contact purely as friends if u could even call it that. Just the odd message here and there. He often expressed how he regretted losing me and how he would do things different but i was with someone and well that was that.

I split up with my partner a while back. And my ex was keen to give it another go. I was reluctant as I had just came out of a relationship. But he played the long game, he was patient, supportive (I had a horrendous year last year) and basically said all the right things. Telling me if we were together he would be better, telling me he realised wot he lost and he wouldn’t do it again. He would tell me he wanted us to be together, to support me through the hard times, to make me happy, to commit fully.

After about a year I let my guard down… I let him in, at first it was amazing. I could see him anytime I wanted. After work, on the weekends, even for a coffee in the middle of the day. He was so loving at attentive, exactly wot I wished he was all those years ago.

But u guessed it. He’s reverting back to his old ways… I’ve asked to see him midweek after work 4 weeks in a row and there’s always an excuse. As it stands I see him 1 day a week, always a Saturday. We go out have a lovely time, I stay at his. He drops me at home the Sunday and that’s it! His messages have changed… he’s no longer loving and supportive it’s very general how’s ur day been stuff?

I feel like I’ve been sold the dream, and now he has me he’s fully backing off. I know him inside out, I see it happening all over again. Last Valentine’s Day wen I wasn’t invested in us he sent me flowers, bought me a book I had spoke of wanting for a while, I brought this up to him wen I seen him last Saturday. He laughed and said don’t be expecting the same again.

I really don’t know wot his issue is… or maybe it’s my issue. Was I expecting to read the same book and for the ending to be different? I think I may need to speak to him, I’m finding myself increasingly anxious about the situation and where it’s headed. Any advise would be much appreciated. Thank you

@Toanewstart22 yeah I don’t think anyones wrong… just want different things I suppose

@MMmomDD thanks I needed this I’m going to have a long think before my scheduled meeting with him tomoro haha
But yeah I’m more than willing just to walk before I’ve wasted more time again

He didn’t “sell you a dream”
First flush of a romance
Now it’s gone and he doesn’t want to continue the relationship

He sound like hes playing games with you .I think to stop all contact and dump for good .Decent men dont play games like this . He sounds like hes enjoying the power games .Dont let him!

@2Gen yeah I’m often dealt the passive aggressive card or told I’m “a bad baby” I find it quite patronising. There’s an age gap of 14 years and the speaking to me like a child grates.

We visit his mum on Saturday mornings, there’s became a habit of if I do something he doesn’t like we don’t go that week. So I avoid the conversation that annoy him so I get to see her. Seeing her means a lot to me. I don’t have parents (both died in their 40s)

@Toanewstart22

He didn’t “sell you a dream” First flush of a romance Now it’s gone and he doesn’t want to continue the relationship

I get it. Thanks

You would always have wondered 'what if?', so this hasn't been a total waste of time.

Now you absolutely know. Move on.

Your dp basically gets a weekly shag and then ignores you.
Dump him.

@Juletide absolutely. I can honestly say I tried and it didn’t work out and that’s ok too. Maybe just not ment to be

@Pembertonrd had never thought of it like that!

You only spend time together once a week and he takes you to see his mum for that? Oh love, aim higher, you could have a much more fulfilling, happier relationship, with someone who wants to spend better time with you.

[quote Bush321]@2Gen yeah I’m often dealt the passive aggressive card or told I’m “a bad baby” I find it quite patronising. There’s an age gap of 14 years and the speaking to me like a child grates.

We visit his mum on Saturday mornings, there’s became a habit of if I do something he doesn’t like we don’t go that week. So I avoid the conversation that annoy him so I get to see her. Seeing her means a lot to me. I don’t have parents (both died in their 40s)[/quote]
Good grief.... so he punishes you...like a child if you dare do something he doesn't like.

He gradually manipulating you to not question or disagree with him.

Do you want a future with someone who doesn't allow you to have an opinion?

@OakRowan we do stuff afterwards. Always start the day seeing his mum though. Thank you I am starting to think so too

@iRun2eatCake no I defo don’t want to be one of those women that just smile and nod.

there’s became a habit of if I do something he doesn’t like we don’t go that week. So I avoid the conversation that annoy him so I get to see her. Seeing her means a lot to me.

Massive red flag. Manipulative bastard. And cruel for his mum too.

@minipie I think it’s unfair on his mum too. We missed her birthday a couple of weeks back. I kno she would have been expecting us. He just wanted “a week off” from seeing her for an hour

I think that tells you all you need to know about him tbh.

Selfish.

God he sounds awful

[quote Bush321]@minipie I think it’s unfair on his mum too. We missed her birthday a couple of weeks back. I kno she would have been expecting us. He just wanted “a week off” from seeing her for an hour[/quote]
So he uses her birthday week to have a break from seeing his mother.

Nice.

Sounds like a woman hater.

@Onthedunes sad to think this but u may be right. Or he just dislikes me and sometimes his mum ha

Hardly any relationship is the same as the early romance days - what it settles into once people feel comfortable is what it is.

It sounds like what it is with him is not what you want.

You can still have an independent relationship with his Mum - you're both adult women.

Dump him nicely - without any big row and stay in contact with his Mum.

[quote Bush321]@minipie I think it’s unfair on his mum too. We missed her birthday a couple of weeks back. I kno she would have been expecting us. He just wanted “a week off” from seeing her for an hour[/quote]
he missed her birthday. What a nasty individual

He is someone who prefers the chase to the catch. all the hearts and flowers stuff in messages beforehand took minimal effort - just the energy put into a text. he is lazy and this will never change. he doesnt believe you wont have him back. why should he? you told him this last time and look what happened. if you like him and think this has a future if he makes changes then write down how you feel - everything make it as detailed as you can and leave it for him to read when he drops you off on Sunday. tell him you will speak about it next time you meet up and not to text you but to spend time having a think. how he responds will give you your answer. good luck

He's treating you like a regular saturday night date- shag.

I don't think that's enough , or what you want ? But it's all you're going to get. He's not going to commit to anything deeper.

Look up Dr. Ramani on YouTube. It's an eye opener. You will understand those sorts of ppl (men) better. You will be able to recognise all red flags etc. Your bf seems to be one of those ppl whom she is an expert on.