Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

A bottle of wine a day ?

82 replies

GeneLovesJezebel · 03/02/2022 13:14

What do you think ?
I think it’s reliance/alcoholic but he’s never ‘drunk’ and rarely drinks any more, perhaps a G&T at Xmas.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 03/02/2022 13:26

Walk away from this relationship now. If he is indeed an alcoholic then he should never drink alcohol again, not even a G &T at Christmas.

Christienne · 03/02/2022 13:28

If he rarely drinks anymore, what's the 'bottle of wine a day' about? What he used to drink?

I drank a bottle of wine a day until Jan last year. Knocked it on the head. Drink sometimes now. I'm not an alcoholic and it doesn't cause problems in life or in my relationships.

TheSpecialist · 03/02/2022 13:29

No. You shouldn’t walk away. What a horrible thing to say.

Support. Help and seek guidance. Not abandon.

A bottle of wine a day while is a lot, isn’t a bottle of whisky. But you have to get him the help. Focus on the gym, walks, and things that will make him not want the wine.

During lock down we were drinking a lot more and had to nip it in the bud.

Traumdeuter · 03/02/2022 13:31

It’s a lot. It won’t seem like a lot if so regular.

You don’t have to behave drunkenly to have a drinking problem.

If he wants help, he should get it. If he doesn’t, then you need to consider removing yourself from the relationship.

ravenmum · 03/02/2022 13:31

You can't mean every day, right, if you're saying he rarely drinks? You mean that on occasion, e.g. at Christmas, he drinks a bottle?

ShallWeTalkAboutBruno · 03/02/2022 13:33

I think the rarely drinks any more means that he rarely drinks any more than one bottle a day?

Traumdeuter · 03/02/2022 13:33

@Christienne @AttilaTheMeerkat I read it as “he drinks a bottle of wine every day, but rarely drinks any more than that, except a G&T at Christmas”, rather than he used to drink the wine but doesn’t drink it now.

TheFoundation · 03/02/2022 13:35

@Christienne

I read it as 'He rarely drinks any more than the one bottle', ie 'nothing further'.

OP, there is no definitive definition of what 'alcoholic' means. Psychological dependence is subjective (ie, you may be dependent on your small glass of wine in the evenings) Physical dependence is when your body cannot do without alcohol, so given that on average we process it 1 unit per hour, he'd need to be drinking somewhere around 24 units each day to be physically dependent (ie if he drinks 10 units in each 24 hours, his body is clear of it for 14 hours in each 24, so not physically addicted)

Really, this is up to you and your own boundaries. If you need to be with someone who drinks less than this, he needs to either respect that or accept your departure from the relationship.

Are you thinking you want to support him? Does he want to stop? Does it cause him to behave in detrimental ways to you/your relationship?

Original poster
GeneLovesJezebel · 03/02/2022 13:51

@ravenmum

You can't mean every day, right, if you're saying he rarely drinks? You mean that on occasion, e.g. at Christmas, he drinks a bottle?
Sorry, it’s the way I’ve written it. A bottle of red wine every day, and occasionally on top of that a G&T, and occasionally as in on Xmas day or at a wedding.
OP posts:
Original poster
GeneLovesJezebel · 03/02/2022 13:52

@ShallWeTalkAboutBruno

I think the rarely drinks any more means that he rarely drinks any more than one bottle a day?
Yes
OP posts:
theemmadilemma · 03/02/2022 13:52

What @TheFoundation said.

I'm a sober alcoholic. My Partner was drinking a bottle a day still. Rarely more. But without fail a bottle a day. He's just done dry Jan and we've agreed that it will stay in place for the main part.

It was clear there was a level of reliance for start. But the change in him was incredible. He was so much more laid back, less stressed, more easy going. It made a huge a difference in our relationship too.

A bottle a day can be normalised (especially in this country I find) but it's not normal, and it's not ok.

ravenmum · 03/02/2022 14:06

Oh! Then he's drinking enough to give him serious long-term health issues.
What time does he start drinking every day? Has it got earlier?

Original poster
GeneLovesJezebel · 03/02/2022 14:09

@ravenmum

Oh! Then he's drinking enough to give him serious long-term health issues. What time does he start drinking every day? Has it got earlier?
No, starts at the same time every evening.
OP posts:
Christienne · 03/02/2022 14:09

What a Wally - yes I can see I read it incorrectly

As I said - I used to drink that much. I stopped as I realised it wasn't great. I don't find it particularly difficult to stop.

But I wouldn't have done it just because someone wanted me to. I needed to want to do it myself. Once I did, it was relatively easy and I can now drink on the odd occasion without slipping back into old habits.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 03/02/2022 14:10

He's drinking a bottle of wine every day along with an occasional G &T at Christmas.

Walk away before you get ever more over invested and or hurt here. He should not be drinking alcohol at all.

AnEpisodeOfEastenders · 03/02/2022 14:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

AnEpisodeOfEastenders · 03/02/2022 14:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

FrenchBoule · 03/02/2022 14:21

@AnEpisodeOfEastenders 3 years it took my family member to be hospitalised after drinking “only” 1 bottle a day.

OP, this is far too much and your partner has some alcohol dependency.

TheFoundation · 03/02/2022 14:45

@AttilaTheMeerkat

He's drinking a bottle of wine every day along with an occasional G &T at Christmas.

Walk away before you get ever more over invested and or hurt here. He should not be drinking alcohol at all.

Such drama. Many people stop or cut back, especially from drinking at levels like this. OP has said nothing about how/if it is affecting her negatively.
TheFoundation · 03/02/2022 14:47

@FrenchBoule

some alcohol dependency

What does this mean? He may be able to stop tomorrow if he wanted to. We don't know if he wants to. He doesn't have physical dependency, drinking at this level. How do you purport to know about his psychological state?

Suzi888 · 03/02/2022 14:48

Can he go the odd day or two a week without it?
It sounds like a habit, more than he NEEDS it. But it is very unhealthy and he needs to cut down.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 03/02/2022 14:49

Well he clearly hasn't cut back if he is still drinking a bottle a day. And as you well know the only person who can actually make the choice to stop is the drinker themselves.

ravenmum · 03/02/2022 14:52

@AttilaTheMeerkat

Well he clearly hasn't cut back if he is still drinking a bottle a day. And as you well know the only person who can actually make the choice to stop is the drinker themselves.
OP has since explained that she didn't mean he was cutting back, see later posts.
ravenmum · 03/02/2022 14:53

So not someone claiming to be a "former alcoholic" but still drinking.

Badbaddog · 03/02/2022 15:04

@AttilaTheMeerkat

He's drinking a bottle of wine every day along with an occasional G &T at Christmas.

Walk away before you get ever more over invested and or hurt here. He should not be drinking alcohol at all.

I just don’t know why you are catastrophising so much on such little information? A bottle every day is too much, certainly, and needs to be addressed. It’s a massive leap from there to ‘leave him’ and ‘he should have no alcohol’. I don’t think this is helpful to the OP.

FWIW I did dry January having been drinking every day for 26 years (varying amounts). I didn’t struggle with stopping dead and I’m happy to drink only occasionally from now on. Point being: we’re all different. He needs to talk about it, recognise it for what it is, make some decisions.