A bottle of wine a day ?

[GeneLovesJezebel]

What do you think ?
I think it’s reliance/alcoholic but he’s never ‘drunk’ and rarely drinks any more, perhaps a G&T at Xmas.

What happens if he doesn't drink it or if it was to be suggested he didn't. As a functioning non drunk alcoholic is still an alcoholic and if they deny they are there even more chance they are.

A bottle of wine a day will eventually cause liver damage I'm sure.
The fact that you have posted means you think it's a problem. Have you talked to him about his drinking? Does he think he has a problem?

Recommended maximum alcohol units is 14 per week.

He’s having 70 per week.

Think you’ve answered your own question. Not good is it.

@ravenmum

Alcohol dependence, which is also known as alcoholism or alcohol addiction, describes the most serious form of high-risk drinking, with a strong - often uncontrollable - desire to drink. It means drinking at a level that causes harm to your health
www.drinkaware.co.uk/facts/health-effects-of-alcohol/mental-health/alcohol-dependence
If he literally MUST drink a bottle a day, then he's dependent

Yes, he's dependent. He's not 'an alcoholic'.

I'm sure lots of us do things outside the government guidelines that are ultimately bad for us. It's not particularly helpful to point it out. I think we all know, and he probably knows, that it's not that good for him, in the same way that I know it wasn't that good for me to eat all the ice cream last night, and you could have done without that chocolate at lunchtime. And crisps. And so much butter.

OP, where are you? What do you want from the thread? Is your relationship distressing you because of your husband's alcohol use, or are you 1concerned about his health?

@toppkatz

Does he drive to work every morning?

If he starts drinking at 6pm, and drinks continually until 1 bottle of wine is gone, his system will likely be clear of alcohol by then, unless he starts work exceptionally early, or drinks exceptionally slowly.

@toppkatz

Does he drive to work every morning?

No.

Depends where you live, as to recommended amounts?

Isn’t that about 4 times the recommended amount per week?

Heavy drinkers will say that’s fine. Walk away.

I would consider it too much and an alcohol dependency. It cannot be healthy or good for his liver and it's at least 500 calories a day.

I wouldn't necessarily walk away immediately but I would if there's no acknowledgement of it being a problem and if nothing changes.

Unless he is an alcoholic, it can stop and if he can't well I wouldn't stay with an alcoholic.

I think we can all agree he will be damaging his physical and mental health.

It would be normal for his behaviour to change drinking in this way. That might be subtle and low impact. For example he manipulates situations to ensure he can drink and also has someone else to drive him. He has poor moods in the morning. He isn’t present in the moment with you or the family, he is thinking about his next drink. He is irate at any situation that gets in the way of him having a drink in the evening. The 7 bottles of wine are a priority shop each week.

The cost alone would be a reason for this to form a serious discussion about his investment in your future and family. By cost i mean money that could be better used and the cost to his life span.

Tbh, I don't think it's that much. Obviously it is unhealthy, and he probably has a degree of behavioural/ psychological reliance on it which might make stopping difficult.

Is it at the level that's likely to land him in hospital dying of cirrhosis before his years? From my (sadly all too full) experience of alcoholics, we're talking a quite different order of magnitude: two or three bottles every night plus a few beers, chasers, etc, as well as much more troubling episodes of binge drinking and losing control.

Is it at the level that sets him apart from those around him? That's very personal. In my industry, no, there are a lot of people who drink like this, especially in the older age groups. Top 50% of drinkers maybe, but not top 1%. Among my friends, yes, it would be considered a lot and I think it would seem too much / slightly odd at a dinner at home or in a restaurant.

This isn't to say that it won't cause health harm, particularly if he's smaller and lighter, takes a lot of other medication, has underlying health issues etc.

How you feel about it and how he feels about it may also not be so much about the total amount as other things -- the repetitiveness of the habit, doing something you don't share, etc...?

Have you asked him to cut down?

Yes it's too much - but you know that.

Is it at the level that's likely to land him in hospital dying of cirrhosis before his years? From my (sadly all too full) experience of alcoholics, we're talking a quite different order of magnitude: two or three bottles every night plus a few beers, chasers, etc, as well as much more troubling episodes of binge drinking and losing control.

You are absolutely wrong to minimise the health risks of this level of drinking @hopsalong

www.southtees.nhs.uk/content/uploads/Your-drinking-and-you.pdf

It's a heath risk but it is possible to function well with that level of drinking. You can meet your responsibilities and be a nice person with good relationships.

It's not a level of drinking I'd be concerned about leaving to protect yourself. He is not destined to end up in the gutter.

I think its alot, but not necessarily 'alcoholism' as such - though I would imagine some kind of alcohol dependancy.

I'm not sure I'd "walk away" at this fact alone. You think its too much (and I do too) but does he think its too much? Has he tried to cut down? Are there negative effects? What are they?

P.S. I used to drink somewhat similar amount and there was a kind of dependence, though I rarely went over that amount and could easily 'stop'. But I also had two mild but horrible hangovers a week which I hated. However, I didn't think I had a particular problem and I "used" it to cope with stress and it was a habit. I drank like this for about a year.

I really did cut down alot over a year or two. I drink about 1/3 of that now and can go without easily. But it was quite a long journey of changing my lifestyle, some personal development I suppose, eating better, etc etc.

My mother in law has drunk a bottle of wine every night for 14 years. I still don't understand how this has not affected her health. It must have done internally but outwardly apart from the odd puffy face you would never know. X

Yes, he's dependent. He's not 'an alcoholic'.
You misunderstood a couple of things there @TheFoundation
I didn't say he was an alcoholic. I was responding to someone else's comment that began "if he MUST drink a bottle a day". I was responding to that. Someone who must drink a bottle a day, literally, is an alcoholic, as per the definition above, which says that alcohol dependence, also known as alcoholism, means not being able to go without a drink = you must drink it to get by.

We don't know if this man is dependent on alcohol = an alcoholic. OP reckons that he only starts in the evening, which makes it sound a bit less likely. But only he knows if he requires alcohol or not to get through the day.

@andi62

Depends where you live, as to recommended amounts?

The highest amount on that table is 35 units a week, in Spain. OP's partner is drinking just over twice the highest limit that any country considers at all acceptable.

Hang on I’m confused, isn’t someone who is dependent on alcohol an alcoholic?

Say if he enjoys the taste/feel but can easily live without it if he actually wanted to is that dependent just because he chooses not to? Or is he just doing what he wants?

I agree that if it is 14% bottle every night that’s quite a lot. Interesting that it’s that and that alone though, never any more.

isn’t someone who is dependent on alcohol an alcoholic
Yes.

Say if he enjoys the taste/feel but can easily live without it if he actually wanted to is that dependent just because he chooses not to? Or is he just doing what he wants?
If he really can easily give it up, then no, he's not dependent.

Depends on whether OP wants to be with someone who's deliberately putting his health at considerable risk.
As your partner gets older, of course you care for them if they fall ill. But you don't have to choose someone who's deliberately raising the chances that you will have to care for them later.

Everyone is different OP. You say he's never drunk but that's because he's built up a tolerance to that amount of booze. You know his drinking is unhealthy but there isn't much you can do unless he sees that himself and wants to stop.

I also agree with those saying he could perhaps do with some support as he may be using it as a crutch. If so he needs help to find an alternative. It will be having a detrimental effect even if you can't see it right now.

You could contact Drink Aware and have a chat about it, see what they say. They'll confirm that it's massively over the recommended guidelines and perhaps give you some advice: www.drinkaware.co.uk/advice

We all weigh it up, don't we? My partner smokes. I'm willing to go down that path with him if it turns out badly. My choice.

Apart from the concern about health and alcoholism, I would be upset at the money being spent on booze. A bottle a night is at least 35 quid a week so around 2000 a year being wasted

His drinking is at an unhealthy level. He may not be an alcoholic but he is alcohol dependent. Ask him to take a break for one day. See how he reacts and if he agrees, how does he cope? Do you drink too ? Just thinking you suggest that you take a break together and he could be your moral support? It's a difficult situation, I know but sooner or later you are going to be the one left to deal with the repercussions. Best wishes to you