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Original poster

A bottle of wine a day ?

82 replies

GeneLovesJezebel · 03/02/2022 13:14

What do you think ?
I think it’s reliance/alcoholic but he’s never ‘drunk’ and rarely drinks any more, perhaps a G&T at Xmas.

OP posts:
altmember · 03/02/2022 15:06

@AttilaTheMeerkat

Walk away from this relationship now. If he is indeed an alcoholic then he should never drink alcohol again, not even a G &T at Christmas.
That's a bit dramatic. Yes, it's not healthy, yes it probably technically defines him as an alcoholic. But the op has said that he can handle it, it's not having a direct impact on his behaviour or their relationship. He's not getting worse/drinking more. It's just not ideal or long term good for his health.
ShallWeTalkAboutBruno · 03/02/2022 15:19

I could easily drink a bottle of wine a night, but I don’t.
It’s too much definitely, but I think all the ‘walk away now’ talk is a bit dramatic.
Does he want to cut down? He’ll only stop if he wants to. I was drinking probably 2/3 of a bottle of wine a night since lockdown started but decided after Christmas that it wasn’t doing me any favours and haven’t had a drink since (that’s not to say I won’t drink again, I will, I just need a decent break before trying the moderation thing).
If he wants to cut down, support him. If he doesn’t then it’s up to you to decide whether you want to be with him long term, knowing it’s unlikely to change.

grapewine · 03/02/2022 15:28

A day? That would worry me. The fact that he isn't getting drunk would just tell me he has built up an unhealthy tolerance.

redbigbananafeet · 03/02/2022 15:31

[quote FrenchBoule]@AnEpisodeOfEastenders 3 years it took my family member to be hospitalised after drinking “only” 1 bottle a day.

OP, this is far too much and your partner has some alcohol dependency.[/quote]
I think we all agree that the husband has an alcohol dependency. But what this poster and I are saying is that you don't 'walk away' or abandon someone you love and are committed to because they have a problem. You stick around and support them through it.

FTEngineerM · 03/02/2022 15:37

I love the assumptions some make up in their head as if a whole bottle of wine is this always an enormous amount of alcohol.

A ‘bottle of wine’ can typically be anything from 7%-15%.

If he MUST have a bottle of wine to feel satisfied in the evening maybe drop the % first, that’s what I did. I wouldn’t be drunk if I drank a 10% over the course of an evening with tea, I’d feel extremely relaxed.

DrinkingWishingSmokingHoping · 03/02/2022 15:44

This reply has been deleted

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Cherryblossoms85 · 03/02/2022 15:47

It's easily done, slipping into drinking that much, but is also extremely hazardous to his health. I would definitely be encouraging him to cut down, and if this is a problem, then it's a problem...

AttilaTheMeerkat · 03/02/2022 15:54

"But what this poster and I are saying is that you don't 'walk away' or abandon someone you love and are committed to because they have a problem. You stick around and support them through it."

For how long though, when is it ok in your mind to call it a day in your above scenario?. Six months, a year?. And doing such is never without some form of emotional cost to the person actually doing this.

Being a rescuer and or a saviour in a relationship never works out and how many partners are qualified to actually help their partner in such a way?. These people are not therapists or counsellors but are expected to act as such?. That is not fair on anyone.

TheFoundation · 03/02/2022 16:00

@AttilaTheMeerkat

You're jumping the gun a bit. OP has said nothing at all about how the drinking is affecting her or the relationship. She might just be a bit worried about his health, and all else is well. You're responding as if she's said it's spoiling her life. It may well not be the case.

FTEngineerM · 03/02/2022 16:00

@AttilaTheMeerkat I’m glad I’m not your partner; I’ve seen that most people have a crutch of some sort to cope with the comings and goings of life, whether it be spending money they don’t have shopping, drinking alcohol, eating too much or obsessive exercise. To suggest that you can’t help a partner through something they obviously have a weakness for is really sad.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 03/02/2022 16:07

The only person who can help the person in the grip of whatever addiction is ultimately their own self. What part of that is so hard to understand?.

What is not understood here is that a person doing the supporting can all too easily end up enabling the drinker rather than actually helping them. How is such a person meant to be helped?. How would you go about supporting them without falling into enabling behaviours?.

ravenmum · 03/02/2022 16:08

@FTEngineerM

I love the assumptions some make up in their head as if a whole bottle of wine is this always an enormous amount of alcohol.

A ‘bottle of wine’ can typically be anything from 7%-15%.

If he MUST have a bottle of wine to feel satisfied in the evening maybe drop the % first, that’s what I did. I wouldn’t be drunk if I drank a 10% over the course of an evening with tea, I’d feel extremely relaxed.

If he "must" have one, then he's definitely an alcoholic! But even if he drank a bottle of wine purely for pleasure, every day, he'd be massively over the recommended limit of 14 units a week:

Assuming it's an 0.7 litre bottle:
at 7% - 4.9 units per bottle x 7 = 34.3 units a week
at 10% - 7 units per bottle x 7 = 49 units a week
at 15% - 10.5 units per bottle x 7 = 73.5 units per week

And also over the safe limit:

"The safe limit for men is 3-4 units a day or approximately 28 units a week. This is the equivalent of three bottles of wine a week."
www.leicestershospitals.nhs.uk/patients/patient-welfare/smoking-and-drinking/alcohol-awareness/how-much-is-too-much/

A bottle of wine a day is definitely bad for his health.

WonderfulYou · 03/02/2022 16:11

An entire bottle a day is loads!

Do they ever have evenings when they don’t drink?

WonderfulYou · 03/02/2022 16:12

It must also cost a fortune!

Original poster
GeneLovesJezebel · 03/02/2022 16:13

@WonderfulYou

An entire bottle a day is loads!

Do they ever have evenings when they don’t drink?

No.
OP posts:
Original poster
GeneLovesJezebel · 03/02/2022 16:14

And today’s bottle is 14%. It usually is around that percentage.

OP posts:
TheFoundation · 03/02/2022 16:14

@AttilaTheMeerkat

The only person who can help the person in the grip of whatever addiction is ultimately their own self. What part of that is so hard to understand?.

What is not understood here is that a person doing the supporting can all too easily end up enabling the drinker rather than actually helping them. How is such a person meant to be helped?. How would you go about supporting them without falling into enabling behaviours?.

We all know this Attila. It's not that people don't understand; your posts are quite patronising on this thread.

There are degrees of things. Most of us have a bit of an unhealthy habit or dependency on something. It's not tragic unless it's at the tragic end of the scale. All we know is that he drinks a bottle of wine a day, doesn't seem affected by it, and doesn't drink more. It doesn't sound like it's got to dealbreaker level yet. It's quite feasible that OP might have a chat with him and he might amend his habit. That would be a good example of a supportive relationship.

Why do you discount this as an option, and leap to the worst conclusion?

ravenmum · 03/02/2022 16:15

What size bottles and what alcohol content? We could work out how far he is over the safe limit for you.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 03/02/2022 16:15

What do you want from this thread OP?.

TheFoundation · 03/02/2022 16:16

If he "must" have one, then he's definitely an alcoholic

Where are you getting your definition of 'an alcoholic' from?

PurpleDaisies · 03/02/2022 16:18

That link contains out of date information @ravenmum. The weekly units for men and women is now 14 for both. It was changed in the UK in 2016.

amp.theguardian.com/news/datablog/2016/jan/08/how-do-the-uks-new-alcohol-guidelines-compare-with-the-rest-of-the-worlds

ravenmum · 03/02/2022 16:19

@TheFoundation

If he "must" have one, then he's definitely an alcoholic

Where are you getting your definition of 'an alcoholic' from?

"Alcohol dependence, which is also known as alcoholism or alcohol addiction, describes the most serious form of high-risk drinking, with a strong - often uncontrollable - desire to drink. It means drinking at a level that causes harm to your health." www.drinkaware.co.uk/facts/health-effects-of-alcohol/mental-health/alcohol-dependence If he literally MUST drink a bottle a day, then he's dependent.
toppkatz · 03/02/2022 16:19

Does he drive to work every morning?

ravenmum · 03/02/2022 16:19

[quote PurpleDaisies]That link contains out of date information @ravenmum. The weekly units for men and women is now 14 for both. It was changed in the UK in 2016.

amp.theguardian.com/news/datablog/2016/jan/08/how-do-the-uks-new-alcohol-guidelines-compare-with-the-rest-of-the-worlds[/quote]
So well over the safe limit too.

ravenmum · 03/02/2022 16:20

Not judging him by the way! Just being factually correct.