I love you but I'm not in love with you

[PeacefulPottering]

Just had this said to me . What does it actually mean? I want you but actually don't? I'm really confused. The seranio was I dressed up, put makeup on, trying to kickstart our sex life. I looked and felt sexy, I sat next to him and stroked him, clearly wanting sex/intamcy.
We are 21 years together, two kids, left home, I'm 51, have a nice body, keep healthy and fit. He has a big tummy, always been fit but recently has no bother to sat to me, look at this large tummy? I responded, it's just a bit bloated?
He hates every bit of me if I put on weight, but he seems to revel in it!

My husband said this to me about 4 years ago and stupidly I stayed. I should have jumped ship then. Since then it’s been nothing but horrendous. He’s checked out, not interested, sometimes wants sex, is not bothered about me, my feelings, my interests or if I’m happy. He says nothing positive about me at all. He doesn’t even appear to like me very much. Sadly, I started to realise this at about the time Covid hit so I was then screwed. Now it’s harder to get out and I’m 4 years more tired and worn down and older.
My advice is this will NOT improve. If someone says that then they are already gone. Be prepared for a shit life if you stay. Be brave and move on now.

I’m 4 years more tired and worn down and older
In another 4 years you'll be more tired and worn down and older. If you're still with him, you will look back and wonder why you didn't go now. Start looking for some new acquaintances. Read up on different forms of abuse. Get in touch with Women's Aid.

Okay. Thank you all very much for the replies. I have thought long and hard tonight and I am putting in motion things to leave. He is on a night tonight so I had the house to myself. The grown up kids are upstairs. I had a shower, washed my hair then went into my bedroom and really looked at myself. I'm a 51 year old woman, I have two small boobs( one mastectomy with implant and the other reconstruction to match. I have a slim waist, flatish tummy, absolutely no stretch marks god knows how I dodged them but I have. I like my face, I have a friendly face, I have a line between my eyes that is through worry. I have shoulder length dark hair that is showing signs of grey, I intend to grow it and have fabulous highlights when I can afford. I am NOT cutting it into a middle age fucking bob. Been there done it. I think I'm okay, nice, I like myself.
I'm going to focus on me and put motions into leaving him. Sorry if this thread is " looks" heavy but that is where I am at. Too many comments about my aging body do that to you. I'm feeling okay tonight, thank you all again, it helps hearing other womens thoughts. X

Hi, do you remember when I wrote the first post. I was absolutely scared, scared he wouldn't be with me. Scared I couldn't do life without him.
I'm a few weeks without him. I'm great, in fact I'm feeling strong, me again. I have come off the sertraline which made me feel nothing. 200mg do that to you. It was supposed to help me feel better but all it did was dappen down my self. My boundaries, my autonomy,I feel so much better for getting off those medical cosh.
I'm still on my own, still haven't had him back. But more importantly I am discovering me, what I want and taking time to be kind to myself. One day at a time . Thank you all for the replies x

Really glad to hear that you are doing well. Do you have a support system? Friends? Family?

Yes, my sister has been a life saver. She has been by my side no matter what. I owe her so much vx

I really cannot say how much she helped me. She listened, didn't judge and gently helped me get of the medication x

You go girl. 💐❤️

Thank you Monty, XXX

I have put a post up to try to help other women, I hope it does x

Well done op, there will be times when you're down, just ride them out, they will start to become lesser and lesser. Or you may not get any at all. I was so fed up in my marriage, that when I did eventually leave I didn't ever get upset, kept thinking the tears would come, but they didn't

Well done OP. Don't take him back as you will just regret it. If a man said what he said to you to me I would be leaving too. Well done, go and enjoy your life without someone telling you they don't love you like they should. You are worth so much more than any man reduces your worth.

My ex husband of 24 years said this to me the day he left me. I’m sorry you’ve had so many responses like this it isn’t what you want to hear I’m sure.

Anyone hearing it's not you, I'm just not in love with you.

Hi, this is an old thread!! I started a new thread and this came up, sorry, not the one x

I take that as he loves you as a family member but not a romantic partner.

unfortunately, it is the end of an intimate relationship and it’s whether you can be happy living together as family rather than a couple.

Im sorry you’re in this position x

Sorry, I didn’t read the follow ups. Really happy for you OP, you deserve to be happy and not made to feel the way you were.

Really happy to hear that OP. I’m sure you are a vivacious wonderful person. As they say ‘don’t let the bastards grind you down.’