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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ex won't leave me alone

61 replies

advice22 · 30/01/2022 20:42

I was dating someone for around 6 months, this ended in august. He had strong feelings for me and these weren't reciprocated and for various other reasons, I chose to end the relationship.

Since then he has contacted me on and off, I've been polite in response but firmly stood my ground in that I did not wish to be with him.
The number of times he contacted me increased, and around October time we spoke on the phone as he wanted some further closure- which he went on to tell me how much he loved me, how he knew I felt the same and that I needed to let my walls down (I didn't and don't!).

After this I blocked him. He then messaged my work phone. I blocked him. Then he messaged my business Facebook page. I blocked him. Then my business insta. I blocked him.
Then 2 weeks ago he messaged my work phone from a different number. He's created a profile on a (dating ish) website so that he can message me and now today, he has emailed my business email address.
Each time I either block straight away or reply saying "leave me alone" and block straight away.

He's not saying anything horrible, just telling me how great things were when we were together (they weren't!) and telling me how he thinks I love him still (I definitely don't)

It's got to the point where I am dreading who it is when I hear my phone ping, I'm worried he will turn up at my door

OP posts:
Original poster
advice22 · 30/01/2022 20:55

I posted too soon.

I'm just not sure what to do. Do I report him? Has he done anything wrong? Or should I just suck it up and ignore him?

OP posts:
Sittingonthefence83 · 30/01/2022 20:57

Sounds like harassment to me, even though he's 'being nice'

RoseRedRoseBlue · 30/01/2022 20:58

You need to go to the Police. This behaviour is firmly in the criminal arena.

GenderCriticalTrumpets · 30/01/2022 21:11

I would report him he has crossed a line and needs to know that stalking is illegal.

RedCandyApple · 30/01/2022 21:17

Report it

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 30/01/2022 21:50

"if you contact me again I will call the police"

It will probably be enough to stop this entitled bastard. But if not, call them.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 30/01/2022 22:02

Yes just give him one more warning that you'll call the police if he contacts you again and do so.

BrioLover · 30/01/2022 22:08

Yes I agree with the previous posters that this is well into stalking territory, especially if you're now dreading your phone pinging. Not ok!

I'd do the same. One more message with "I have repeatedly asked you to leave me alone. If you contact me again I will contact the police."
And then contact the police when the dickhead doesn't respect your wishes for the umpteenth time.

LittleWins · 30/01/2022 22:09

I would report it to Police now. You’ve been very clear and this has been going on far too long.

Do you have any mutual friends?

What a creep!

MintJulia · 30/01/2022 22:11

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation

"if you contact me again I will call the police"

It will probably be enough to stop this entitled bastard. But if not, call them.

This !
HollowTalk · 30/01/2022 22:14

I agree, I would send one final message saying that if he contacts you again you are going to call the police as this behaviour constitutes stalking.

MsJaneAusten · 30/01/2022 22:17

Like the others said, if he messages you on any format again, I would reply once saying “I have told you repeatedly that I do not want a relationship with you. This is now harassment and I will report any further contact to the police”

Then do so.

Keep screenshots of the other contact too.

Original poster
advice22 · 30/01/2022 22:19

I have said I would report him before but it didn't make any difference.

I'm a bit embarrassed to report him as we met on an 'adult' site (was supposed to be fwb type situation but developed into more) and I imagine I would have to tell the police this.

OP posts:
NewtoHolland · 30/01/2022 22:24

The police honestly won't bat an eyelid at that. It's really important to tell them to help keep you safe.

Hadharra · 30/01/2022 22:29

Police ASAP

Hadharra · 30/01/2022 22:29

This is high risk behaviour

MsJaneAusten · 30/01/2022 22:30

If you’ve already warned him, absolutely take it to the police. It doesn’t matter where you met him. This is not what you agreed to.

JaniceBattersby · 30/01/2022 22:33

I see these cases in court all the time. The most likely outcome if you report him is that the police will visit him to tell him very firmly to leave you alone. If he doesn’t they’ll take action. They won’t care a jot where you met - trust me they see much worse. I’d definitely report him.

MsJaneAusten · 30/01/2022 22:33

Say for example, you’d met him on a website for people who really like cheese. You bonded over a shared love of Brie and went on to have a short lived relationship. You realised you didn’t want to share your Brie with him any more so you finished it. If he kept sending you photos of Brie, insisting you only shared your Brie with him, contacting you at work to discuss Brie, it wouldn’t be okay

Sorry. It’s a terrible example Grin

I hope you know what I mean though. How you met initially isn’t what matters. What matters is stopping him from harassing you now.

Suzanne999 · 30/01/2022 22:36

Doesn’t matter where you met him / how you met him. You’ve told him to piss off, he’s ignored you and is harassing you.
I agree with others. One message: Do not contact me again. If you do I will report you to the police for stalking, which is a crime.
Hopefully he’ll get the message.

RedCandyApple · 30/01/2022 22:38

It really doesn’t matter where you met, they won’t care

ErrmWTAF · 30/01/2022 22:43

You've already warned him, now follow through. Police, tonight. Ring them.

Doyoumind · 30/01/2022 22:49

I don't even think you should give him a last chance before calling the police. It will only elicit a response from him explaining how he's doing nothing wrong. Don't communicate with him at all. If you do it tells him that you will respond under the right circumstances.

JustKeepSwimmingJust · 30/01/2022 22:49

From someone who had to call police non emergency number a few times last year, late at night was best. Hardly any wait, then an appointment for a more detailed conversation a few days later.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 30/01/2022 23:11

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation

"if you contact me again I will call the police"

It will probably be enough to stop this entitled bastard. But if not, call them.

This, then follow through.

This is absolutely harassment and meets the threshold already as you've told him to leave you alone.

But adding the 'or I'll call the police to report your harassment' on the end of your next 'leave me alone' is worth it in case it is enough to scare him off.

And if not, then you have clear proof that he has been told to stop harassing you.

Ugh sorry OP it's so unsettling when they do this. We shouldn't have to go through it.