Ex won't leave me alone

[advice22]

I was dating someone for around 6 months, this ended in august. He had strong feelings for me and these weren't reciprocated and for various other reasons, I chose to end the relationship.

Since then he has contacted me on and off, I've been polite in response but firmly stood my ground in that I did not wish to be with him.
The number of times he contacted me increased, and around October time we spoke on the phone as he wanted some further closure- which he went on to tell me how much he loved me, how he knew I felt the same and that I needed to let my walls down (I didn't and don't!).

After this I blocked him. He then messaged my work phone. I blocked him. Then he messaged my business Facebook page. I blocked him. Then my business insta. I blocked him.
Then 2 weeks ago he messaged my work phone from a different number. He's created a profile on a (dating ish) website so that he can message me and now today, he has emailed my business email address.
Each time I either block straight away or reply saying "leave me alone" and block straight away.

He's not saying anything horrible, just telling me how great things were when we were together (they weren't!) and telling me how he thinks I love him still (I definitely don't)

It's got to the point where I am dreading who it is when I hear my phone ping, I'm worried he will turn up at my door

Phone the police. It will help if you have the number from your online report to hand. Tell them you are being stalked, have reported previous concerns with number xyz and he has escalated into telling you that you love him.

Would he have had the opportunity to put a keylogger on your device?

Don’t acknowledge future messages as that’s what he wants. Please speak to the police as well as filling in the forms. Also contact Suzy Lampugh trust and/or Palladin.

This is frightening, OP.

I'd keep reporting to the police, especially if you feel his tone changes from desperately love sick to vengeful.
Creeps like this never seem to back down without firm enforcement.

Make sure you don't reply to any of his messages/answer any calls. When I reported my ex for DV, I was told to message him once to say that I was contacting the police and that was it, otherwise they constitute it as you having a conversation and therefore not harassment.

Do you feel safe at home? Do you live alone? Make sure you secure doors and windows every night, put a mug/glass/something noisy on door handles in case he tries them, at least you'll hear, look into getting a ring doorbell to record your front door. It's extremely scary the lengths cretins will go to, make sure you take every precaution.

Meant to say, answering him can actually be a reason that stops him from receiving a conviction so please don't answer him. I cannot stress that enough.

Yes, report him. The police will take it seriously.

It doesn't matter than he is being 'nice' and not threatening you, it's still harassment.

You've told him not to message you so keep ignoring and blocking. But do report.

Someone reported an ex for harassing me a few years ago.

I'd deleted most of the messages and the 3 or 4 I had were 'nice' if a bit intense. That was enough for the police to record it as a crime and give me some excellent advice.

They actually made me promise not to avoid socialising in places where he might be and to go about my business as usual and just report it to them if he made any effort to communicate with me.

They were great tbh.

This is stalking-please contact the police

I'm a stalking caseworker. Just coming on here to give usual best practice advice.

1. Do not block him (or at least don't block him everywhere). Blocking can result in escalation. Keep all messages/any other evidence
2. It's a myth that you have to tell someone to leave you alone before not responding, but it will REALLY REALLY HELP that you've told him you don't want to hear from him again.
3. Don't respond in any way. Again it's a myth that this somehow 'cancels out' the stalking, but it does really confuse things in terms of the investigation, and it reinforces the stalkers behaviour so they're more likely to continue.
4. Do safety plan around any threats he makes. Stalkers act on 50% of the threats they make so take it seriously
5. Keep a log of every contact and report them ALL. You need the dates, a detail of the incident, and crucially, the way it made you feel or any action you needed to take. This is important if the police are to apply for an SPO or for the police to investigate it under the right crime. It might feel daft to report each incident, but the crime of stalking is made up of a course of conduct so they need to be able to see that course. The individual incidences might not be crimes in their own right (this is where the police can sometimes get confused - stick to your guns).
6. Get a stalking caseworker so they can do a personalised safety plan and advocate for you
7. You can get a non molestation order if you want to (though the police may not then apply for an SPO, and an SPO is better). It's a myth that you have to have reported to the police first, or that there are time limits. I wouldn't personally use NCDV or DV Assist - you can apply yourself to the court and cut out all that. This shouldn't be a reason for the police stopping the investigation though

Depending on what area you're in, the police may not know a lot about the crime of stalking (it sounds shocking but its true I'm afraid). I would push hard for them to recognise and investigate this as an S2A offence. If you are in fear of violence or serious harm, or it's had an effect on your life where you've had to make significant changes in order to feel safe, it should be investigated as an S4A offence.

Unless they are good with stalking in your area, they're likely to investigate this as harassment or mal comms, etc. While you might think that this is a good compromise, it won't give you the same protections as if they investigate for stalking so I would push for them to recognise it and investigate it as such.

@GreyPaw

I'm a stalking caseworker. Just coming on here to give usual best practice advice.

1. Do not block him (or at least don't block him everywhere). Blocking can result in escalation. Keep all messages/any other evidence
2. It's a myth that you have to tell someone to leave you alone before not responding, but it will REALLY REALLY HELP that you've told him you don't want to hear from him again.
3. Don't respond in any way. Again it's a myth that this somehow 'cancels out' the stalking, but it does really confuse things in terms of the investigation, and it reinforces the stalkers behaviour so they're more likely to continue.
4. Do safety plan around any threats he makes. Stalkers act on 50% of the threats they make so take it seriously
5. Keep a log of every contact and report them ALL. You need the dates, a detail of the incident, and crucially, the way it made you feel or any action you needed to take. This is important if the police are to apply for an SPO or for the police to investigate it under the right crime. It might feel daft to report each incident, but the crime of stalking is made up of a course of conduct so they need to be able to see that course. The individual incidences might not be crimes in their own right (this is where the police can sometimes get confused - stick to your guns).
6. Get a stalking caseworker so they can do a personalised safety plan and advocate for you
7. You can get a non molestation order if you want to (though the police may not then apply for an SPO, and an SPO is better). It's a myth that you have to have reported to the police first, or that there are time limits. I wouldn't personally use NCDV or DV Assist - you can apply yourself to the court and cut out all that. This shouldn't be a reason for the police stopping the investigation though

Depending on what area you're in, the police may not know a lot about the crime of stalking (it sounds shocking but its true I'm afraid). I would push hard for them to recognise and investigate this as an S2A offence. If you are in fear of violence or serious harm, or it's had an effect on your life where you've had to make significant changes in order to feel safe, it should be investigated as an S4A offence.

Unless they are good with stalking in your area, they're likely to investigate this as harassment or mal comms, etc. While you might think that this is a good compromise, it won't give you the same protections as if they investigate for stalking so I would push for them to recognise it and investigate it as such.

Thank you for this. This is much the same as the advice I was given when I phoned the National stalking helpline.

The police did come out tonight for a brief chat about it and took his details and we're going to phone him to give him some words of advice.
They also did indeed talk about it being harassment/mal comms rather than stalking. I didn't push further as I'm hoping he will stop after they have spoken to him and I didn't give a statement and they didn't ask to see any of the message- just took a very brief history.

He has messaged and called more times since my last post. 9 emails sent, ranting about how I must have mental health issues and then in the next breath saying that he's here for me, along with going into detail describing our sexual relationship and how I must want that again and he doesn't believe I don't. Made me feel sick reading it to be honest.

So sorry you are going through this.I’m glad to see the police have come out to see you.as others says keep reporting

@advice22

I've reported it online this evening.

I feel a bit silly that it's bothering me, I got quite tearful tonight when I saw he'd contacted me again. Just a stomach churning feeling of dread again.

Please don’t feel silly. We all see news reports of women whose stalkers haven’t gone away; his behaviour is not normal or acceptable in any way. It’s harassment. I hope the police take it seriously.