Disappointed

[Jasmineblossom0]

My long term boyfriend took me out on our first child free weekend in a year (5 boys between us)
He had made it sound like he planned amazing things and we’d have a really special day alone. I got dressed up and couldn’t wait to see what he’d planned.
The moment arrived and I learned we would be going for a walk and picnic, then back home to watch telly and cook for him as per usual.
To say I was disappointed was an under statement. I cried and said some things I didn’t mean because I was so underwhelmed and dressed like we were going for dinner or somewhere nice, to be left standing in a cold muddy field with squashed sandwiches.
Now I know this makes me sound like a selfish brat, maybe I am, but he let me believe I’d be getting spoilt after weeks of discussing ideas. We go for picnics and walks all the time with the boys so I hoped a weekend alone would include new exciting experiences.
I didn’t let him stay the night and I haven’t answered his calls today as I’m so upset.
I’m seriously considering ending it due to incompatibility but the thought of letting him go hurts me more than a crap date.
I’m willing to accept comments that I’m unreasonable but any advice would really help right now.

His plan was to have you make dinner for him? Wow.

Why didn’t he take you for a meal? Has he said? That doesn’t exactly take much planning does it?

And did you actually cook for him?

A picnic in January? Beyond silly...and lazy.

I really don't get why women are expected to tell grown-up men what is glaringly obvious...

it really isn't hard to take someone to a decent restaurant or to a cinema or to buy them a present/flowers.

You might not even need to book in advance anymore to get into restaurants/cinema with the restrictions ending.

Frankly if he can't even manage that just dump him.

Looks like he see you as someone convenient to support him with childcare and meet his basic needs but not really someone he wants to do other things with. You deserve better than this.

I've just realised that it was a whole weekend, this weekend in fact, most women would have wanted a luxury hotel for the night, he couldn't even manage a takeaway.

I expect he has his good points, but thoughtful he ain't.

I'm usually reluctant to read anything into disappointing dates, if only because manipulative men often go all out on date nights and turn out to be awful in RL. However in situation it feels like you have really done nothing to progress your relationship and all he has had is play dates and sex. To mislead you about this weekend's date is a really big thing in that context. If he doesn't change I don't know how you would help feeling undervalued.

It isn't hard to buy flowers, book a decent restaurant and book show / cinema. Really isn't, tiny bit of forethought required. A picnic in January? Beyond shit.

So did you never date alone at the beginning? Has it always been dates involve the children?

I'd be pretty let down by that to be honest. That's the type of activity that would be a normal weekend and that you can take the kids with you.

If it's a child free date then it needs to be a bit more special and include something that is special without children like a nice restaurant and a bar.

I'm not sure I could be in a long term relationship with someone who thinks a picnic in January is special and then wants dinner cooked. Unless the picnic involved champagne and smoked salmon (which I'm pretty sure it didn't) it was a real let down.

Tell him what you think and why it wasn't what you wanted. You'll know your next move by his reaction.

I’d be curious to know why his last relationship ended to be honest, did he get comfy and make no effort with her too?

I'm really hoping that he doesn't usually come to yours, where you cook and pay for the food.

I have a theory that only women who love planning special days should be allowed to plan things like this. Never met a man yet good at this. It's the thoughtful touches that make it special.

Try and not be too disappointed in him. Clearly not his strength. Why not think of your favourite day out and plan towards it.

That’s shit. It’s January, it’s not like it would have been hard to book a table. You don’t even have to pick up the phone any more, you can book a restaurant online. And he couldn’t be arsed to do that. He already thinks you’re part of the furniture.

I just think men aren't good at being pro-active. No man I've ever known would be able to plan a decent surprise day. Mine is happy to come along and pay for it, provided I've suggested and organized the event. That's ok.

Oh Christ here we go...

Most men are perfectly capable of arranging all sorts of complicated stuff with their mates, often to expensive events, if MN is anything to go by,

@Dillydollydingdong

I just think men aren't good at being pro-active. No man I've ever known would be able to plan a decent surprise day. Mine is happy to come along and pay for it, provided I've suggested and organized the event. That's ok.

Speak for yourself and your own lacklustre relationship. I’m really sorry your bloke doesn’t give a shit.

Honestly, I absolutely rage when I see the race to the bottom on here.

Listen, if a man wants to date you he will, if he wants to contact you he will, if he wants to spoil you he will, if he wants to marry you he will propose and participate in setting a date. Do not make the mistake of underestimating them and settling for crumbs.

@Dillydollydingdong

I just think men aren't good at being pro-active. No man I've ever known would be able to plan a decent surprise day. Mine is happy to come along and pay for it, provided I've suggested and organized the event. That's ok.

Men are perfectly capable of organising things. Their penises aren't so big and cumbersome that they are incapable of googling.

The men I know who 'can't organise' family / couple stuff seem perfectly capable of organising stag dos with great enthusiasm.

It's not a man thing, it's an arsehole thing.

@ElectraBlue

A picnic in January? Beyond silly...and lazy.

I really don't get why women are expected to tell grown-up men what is glaringly obvious...

it really isn't hard to take someone to a decent restaurant or to a cinema or to buy them a present/flowers.

You might not even need to book in advance anymore to get into restaurants/cinema with the restrictions ending.

Frankly if he can't even manage that just dump him.

Looks like he see you as someone convenient to support him with childcare and meet his basic needs but not really someone he wants to do other things with. You deserve better than this.

Basically all of this

He wanted praise without effort. I bet you were showing him how excited you were at his suggestions. I bet he felt good about that. He then didnt actually need to plan anything as he already got the high from your excitement.

We have never been anywhere together alone
He has never taken you on a date? Wtf?

Bin him off.

One weekend free in months and months and he says he will make plans but doesn't makes him a knob. He wasted your free weekend. Wasting my free weekend would have fucked me off no end.

The men I know who 'can't organise' family / couple stuff seem perfectly capable of organising stag dos with great enthusiasm.

Ahaha this with bells on. Yeah they seem pretty self sufficient when it comes to stag dos and extra marital affairs.

When was the picnic? I’d it had have been Saturday, I’d have made my own plans on my own.

I don't know about the Ops DP, maybe he is a shit or lazy etc

But my lovely caring and kind DH of 25 years cannot organise a special day/night out. He might get one part right but then spectacularly get another part wrong.

Same with my FIL, brother and DS.

I'd rather buy my own gift and charge them or help plan a 'surprise night' where he has to only focus on one thing.

Doesn't make any of them bad or nasty, they are anything but. It's just not what they're good at.

And that includes stag dos or any other event planning.

It sounds like your DH is at least aware of his own failings @daisiesonmydress. Whereas OP's partner made her feel all excited and then didn't bother to follow through with any of his promises

I never understand these threads. I find it pathetic that so many women sit around like princesses expecting to be treated and surprised and then moan when it comes up short. It wasn’t a special occasion it was just a free weekend, why don’t you discuss what you would like to do and then do it.