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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Disappointed

53 replies

Jasmineblossom0 · 30/01/2022 12:44

My long term boyfriend took me out on our first child free weekend in a year (5 boys between us)
He had made it sound like he planned amazing things and we’d have a really special day alone. I got dressed up and couldn’t wait to see what he’d planned.
The moment arrived and I learned we would be going for a walk and picnic, then back home to watch telly and cook for him as per usual.
To say I was disappointed was an under statement. I cried and said some things I didn’t mean because I was so underwhelmed and dressed like we were going for dinner or somewhere nice, to be left standing in a cold muddy field with squashed sandwiches.
Now I know this makes me sound like a selfish brat, maybe I am, but he let me believe I’d be getting spoilt after weeks of discussing ideas. We go for picnics and walks all the time with the boys so I hoped a weekend alone would include new exciting experiences.
I didn’t let him stay the night and I haven’t answered his calls today as I’m so upset.
I’m seriously considering ending it due to incompatibility but the thought of letting him go hurts me more than a crap date.
I’m willing to accept comments that I’m unreasonable but any advice would really help right now.

OP posts:
Juletide · 30/01/2022 12:47

What sort of things did he hint at to make you think it would be amazing?

AiryFlyingFairy · 30/01/2022 12:51

Oh dear, that does sound very underwhelming. Not even picnic weather.
Did he give an explanation why? Could it be he thought he'd have money to treat you but that feel through so the picnic was a back up plan?

Original poster
Jasmineblossom0 · 30/01/2022 12:56

We were both paid on Friday so it wasn’t a money issue, we picked this weekend specifically as we could do anything.
He suggested activity day trips, experience days, cinema.. along those lines, followed by dinner and some drinks.
Overall it looks like he left it to the last minute and couldn’t arrange anything, but he has made me feel that I’m not special enough to do something nice for.
We have never been anywhere together alone or had a meal out without the boys, I just wanted to be treated nice.

OP posts:
Sunnytwobridges · 30/01/2022 13:00

Yikes, I feel you OP. I would be disappointed too, especially since he made it seem like it would be more than a picnic and a walk.

Itsnotdeep · 30/01/2022 13:01

picnic in January?! I'd be disappointed too!

Juletide · 30/01/2022 13:04

Is he an over promiser in general OP? What's he usually like?

clpsmum · 30/01/2022 13:07

I would feel the same as you OP and tbh would probably dump him. A picnic in January ffs. Going for dinner and a few drinks or the cinema etc takes almost zero planning and definitely less planning than a shitty picnic.

Juletide · 30/01/2022 13:07

So many men like having a woman to share the parenting with OP, is there an element of this involved?

No dinners or dates just the 2 of you in a year is rubbish.

DatingDinosaur · 30/01/2022 13:17

Oh dear OP!

I personally would be happy with squashed sandwiches in a muddy field (I’m an outdoorsy type, lol) HOWEVER…. If I’d been led to believe this was going to be something else I’d be bloody disappointed.

Tell him it was nice (that lovely bland word) but he needs to raise the bar a lot higher to match the expectation next time.

Maybe let him know what YOU want to do next time and leave it to him to sort it. Then, if he doesn’t come up with the goods, let rip!

grapewine · 30/01/2022 13:18

Picnic in January is shit. Don't blame you. He could have at least booked a table for dinner somewhere.

LeifSan · 30/01/2022 13:19

Why does the thought of letting him go hurt you? Is he normally a great boyfriend?

frozendaisy · 30/01/2022 13:23

I would have frog marched him to at least the nearest pub serving food.

RalphLaurenG · 30/01/2022 13:25

I would have felt and behaved exactly the same OP. Very disappointing and hurtful. It doesn't exactly take a lot to book the cinema and a nice meal somewhere!

My (wonderful!) DP once microwaved some dauphinois potatoes as a birthday meal for me (he loves cooking and is excellent at it). I couldn't understand it and actually cried over the lack of thought/effort. I've never let him forget it 😂

Aquamarine1029 · 30/01/2022 13:26

End it. This man is not giving you what you need.

GiantSpider · 30/01/2022 13:27

Goodness I would be really disappointed too! And then you had to cook for him too??? Wtf! Even if he was too disorganised to book anything, he could have bought some nice food and cooked for you?

moomee12 · 30/01/2022 13:28

A fucking picnic in January? It's 8 degrees!

PollyPaintsFlowers · 30/01/2022 13:29

God that sounds really grim. I'm not surprised you're feeling underwhelmed. Does he usually leave you feeling let down or like you're just making do with what you do together?

dopple · 30/01/2022 13:34

That is rubbish, I would be honest that you felt underwhelmed given that it was your first weekend alone together, he could of least taken you out for dinner. I think I would of said at the time of being presented with soggy sandwiches out in the cold. Either you will have to do all the arranging from now on or if you feel the relationship isn't really fulfilling you anyway maybe it's best not bother with him.

Coffeeholix · 30/01/2022 13:35

It doesn’t take much planning to book cinema and dinner, you can do that last minute. Sounds very underwhelming, I would have felt really deflated too OP. He had an opportunity to make you feel really special and blew it. Things will not get any better. You say you think you’re incompatible, it sounds like you are, and better you find out now before you’ve taken steps to cement your relationship further.

Original poster
Jasmineblossom0 · 30/01/2022 13:35

Thanks for confirming I’m not going crazy or being ungrateful

In general he’s a great person and we have a lovely relationship but he isn’t good at using his initiative so it was his idea to think of things that will make me feel special as I usually make plans. And this is what he chose.

I don’t get involved with his sons as a mum figure, it’s more like a play date when they’re here and they tend to play in the garden or we go to the park across the street and feed the ducks. When they’re asleep we watch a movie with a take away, but it gets too ‘samey’ and I really hoped he’d go overboard yesterday.

If it was a walk and a picnic somewhere lovely that we made a day of I may have appreciated it more, but it’s the same bloody place as usual!

OP posts:
Juletide · 30/01/2022 13:49

So he has his sons full time OP?

Original poster
Jasmineblossom0 · 30/01/2022 14:05

It rotates, he has them 2 weeks and their mum has them 2 weeks. When he doesn’t have them I still have my sons as their dad isn’t involved.

OP posts:
CanofCant · 30/01/2022 14:10

In general he’s a great person and we have a lovely relationship but he isn’t good at using his initiative so it was his idea to think of things that will make me feel special as I usually make plans. And this is what he chose.

No, I don't believe that. If he had to arrange something for himself I'm sure he could use his initiative to muster up more than a cold, soggy picnic. It's demonstrative of how little he cares or knows you. And he expected you to make his dinner afterwards?! Bloody hell.

Juletide · 30/01/2022 14:18

Well he certainly wasn't dying to spoil you and make your one day off special.

He needs a rocket up his arse, he's far too comfortable.

wantanewlife · 30/01/2022 14:22

Is this why his previous relationship ended?