Once and for all, help me tell MIL that my toddler's name is not to be changed.

[BroccoliSpears]

DPs family hate hate hate hate hate our DD's name. They had big tantrums when she was born and insisted we change it. Of course, we didn't. Then they made a special trip when she was 2 weeks old to see DP, and try to reason with DP, and convince him to talk to me about changing it . Of course, he didn't and we didn't. I assumed they'd just shut up when they realised that it was her name and we weren't changing it. They haven't. She's now 19 months old and we still get comments about her name.

Examples:

"It's okay, she'll change it as soon as she's old enough." [smug, knowing smile]

"She's very [insert personality trait] isn't she? Definitely not a [Name] - it doesn't suit her at all."

"You know, you can still use her middle name? It's not too late."

So, more niggly than downright offensive, but still rather unkind of them.

So, last time we saw them, MIL was trotting out something along the lines of the above and I said quite pleasantly but firmly that I thought that was quite enough speculation about her name as she would very very soon be able to understand what MIL was saying and it was not a very nice thing for a little girl to learn that half her family dislikes her name. I agreed that perhaps she would change it one day, but if she did it would be her decision and no one elses.

MIL is not the easiest of people. She is stubborn and outspoken. She is French, so sometimes we have misunderstanding due to language barriers and cultural clashes. My 'pleasant but firm' speech was not enough and she's still not dropped the subject.

What do I say next? How do I say it?

I am not confrontational, and am rather intimidated by MIL. She can be sneaky and sly. When we do argue she runs rings around me.

I won't let my little girl be bullied by her as she has bullied me over the years.

(Suggestions containing four letter words and shouting will be tempting but ultimately unusable )

Tell your partner to grow some balls and speak to his mother. I'm asking mine to do the same because she undermines me terribly and I don't want to rock the boat.

I'd LOVE to do a catinthehat, but she'd probably wallop me when I drew breath.

Oh and my mil likes to be called a name I can't actually pronounce so god knows how I'm supposed to refer to her when speaking to my little boy. Granny it is, sod her.

bit of a veteran on this myself
turn it into a joke - there's nowhere the old bag can go, then
"yeah, we're gonna have a girl next, and call her Rural/MOBO/Garage" is one of our retorts when smart-arses make their oh so original quips about DS' name.
a joke totally says "we are not taking you, or this issue, seriously"
alternatively, i believe membership to dignitas is only £35

Its got to be 'Sweet pea', I like it.
Mind you when our DD calles home we still greet her with hiya 'Sweety Pie' even though thats not her name.

Posy/Posey is lovely wasn't it in a book? (something very girly about horses)

lol at catinthehat

When I was born, my domineering paternal grandmother insisted that the name my parents had chosen was not the "proper" form of the name, and insisted that it be spelled the way she thought it should be on my birth certificate. My mother came from a very easygoing family and reluctantly capitulated to keep the peace. Children seem to take their names very seriously when they are constructing their identities, and I have to say it made me hate my grandmother. Anything she sent me was addressed to the spelling she'd chosen, and I always tore it up and threw it away unread, even from a very young age. The week she died I changed it by deed poll (parents had forbidden me to do it while she was still alive, fearing the old battleaxe's nuclear meltdown).

Your child will probably become VERY defensive about her proper name, so perhaps your husband should point out to his mother that she is running a serious risk of isolating both you and her granddaughter. It's unforgivably f*ing rude.

There's a Posy in 'Ballet Shoes'

If it's "sweetpea" and they are saying that her name doesn't suit her personality then that's a bit off as "sweetpea" has such nice connortations. Also I know two "Pia's" (both German) and this is a lovely shortening along with "sweetie" of course, which is what I call my dcs most of the time anyway.
My friend has just called her dd "Lilia" which is another lovely, unusual name. There is currently a bit of a debate going on in her family as to whether she should be called "Lily", strong views being held as in this case.
I was rereading the posts as they made me laugh so much and I though Broccoli could perhaps mix in a bit of Carmen's suggestion along with Cat's ie fix her with a big wide maniac smile whilst nose to nose. Just a thought.

sigh my mum ran a three week email (!) campaign against our Ds's middle name (Louie) . Something posessed her to google it, and then we got endless stream of 'it's a girl's name; he'll get bullied; just call him Lewis; it's associated with a dodgy song" . It finished in a big explosion when she wrote me a two page email about how I was an unreasonable mother experiencing controlling feelings over my son and will ruin his life. I wrote back to say that, err, it was actually Dhs choice of name, and I'm not having Dh overulled by my unreasonable controlling mother. That closed it .

Merrykif, Louis/Lewis means mighty warrior victorious in war , not girly at all.

[eye roll emoticon] French MILs (or step MIL's]. We know all about them in our family - both my sister and I have them, as do lots of my friends...

Basically, French MILs think that they have much more power and authority over their grandchildren than do English MILs. I think you need to have a sit-down with your French MIL and discuss your different cultural expectations of the rôle of grandparents. It will help you both get some perspective and see that your difference of opinion is not personal but cultural. And then you have to say that, as an English mother, your boundaries for your children/family are X, Y, Z and make it clear that you will not tolerate any further infringement, though you understand that this is hard for your MIL.

Is it Marigold,so sweet .My MIL didn't care much fro ds1 name but actually it has turned out to be quite poplular and a number of her friends also have drandsons with same name ,miraculously now it is OK!Actually on the other side i have a nephew witha name I hate partly because it reminds me of someone,i was desparate for my brother not to use this nam,e but i never said anything and they have and of course i love my nephew but i still jhate the name!!

Message withdrawn

I really want to know the name!

I feel the way I did when we read Rebecca in school, everyone wanting to find out her name!

Sweet Pea was the baby daughter of Popeye and Olive of cartoon fame.
So its got to be Sweet Pea.

My parents we a bit funny about 'Jade' for my daughter, and now it is quite common, she thought it was cool to have a name no one in her whole school life had. But the origins for her name have always given her the cringes, to long to go into here.

Anna - there should be a badge or secret handshake or something for women with French MILs.

Broccoli - LOL.

On Thursday some friends came over for lunch. The wife is Dutch, the husband French, they live in the Netherlands but had been staying at the husband's parents in the Parisian suburbs since Sunday.

The wife was practically in tears for an hour as she related the onslaught she'd been getting from her French MIL re breastfeeding her 5 month old son ("complete waste of time" "he should be poo-ing every day"). MIL is a doctor so thinks she knows it all...

I would also go with the broken record - make sure your face is in a very tight knote at the time with a look of thunder - for horror effect.

Also do not under any circumstances let them know the name of your next born, not even when the dc is born. keep it a secret and keep refuring to baby and your surname.

That could get embarrassing at his/her graduation or wedding!

I can't believe that this is even an issue.

Such little respect from your MIL, Broc. She's your daughter to name! My word. I'm not sure I'd be able to stay polite after all the comments all this time.

Roll your eyes and say, "Oh not again, for heaven's sake. Don't you have anything else to think / talk about." And any more claptrap from her, remind her whose child it is.

Mind you, it IS hard to respond to nasty comments. My MIL always catches me unawares and leaves me slack jawed and unable to respond. Still, if that gives her great satisfaction, then she must be a v. toxic person.