Once and for all, help me tell MIL that my toddler's name is not to be changed.

[BroccoliSpears]

DPs family hate hate hate hate hate our DD's name. They had big tantrums when she was born and insisted we change it. Of course, we didn't. Then they made a special trip when she was 2 weeks old to see DP, and try to reason with DP, and convince him to talk to me about changing it . Of course, he didn't and we didn't. I assumed they'd just shut up when they realised that it was her name and we weren't changing it. They haven't. She's now 19 months old and we still get comments about her name.

Examples:

"It's okay, she'll change it as soon as she's old enough." [smug, knowing smile]

"She's very [insert personality trait] isn't she? Definitely not a [Name] - it doesn't suit her at all."

"You know, you can still use her middle name? It's not too late."

So, more niggly than downright offensive, but still rather unkind of them.

So, last time we saw them, MIL was trotting out something along the lines of the above and I said quite pleasantly but firmly that I thought that was quite enough speculation about her name as she would very very soon be able to understand what MIL was saying and it was not a very nice thing for a little girl to learn that half her family dislikes her name. I agreed that perhaps she would change it one day, but if she did it would be her decision and no one elses.

MIL is not the easiest of people. She is stubborn and outspoken. She is French, so sometimes we have misunderstanding due to language barriers and cultural clashes. My 'pleasant but firm' speech was not enough and she's still not dropped the subject.

What do I say next? How do I say it?

I am not confrontational, and am rather intimidated by MIL. She can be sneaky and sly. When we do argue she runs rings around me.

I won't let my little girl be bullied by her as she has bullied me over the years.

(Suggestions containing four letter words and shouting will be tempting but ultimately unusable )

Eeep @ catinthehat . That's brilliant! I feel quite exhilarated just reading it. I sometimes practice speeches just like that to MIL when I'm in the shower. Ooooh but I cut her to the quick with my imaginary sharp tongue while conditioning my split ends!

I also love "... or you could call her Juliet...". Really made me giggle.

MIL won't be called Granny. She's far to young and glamerous for that. I go along with the made-up blinkin non-name she wants dd to call her! God, I'm such a wet hen. Right [resolve] from now on dd calls the old bag Granny until all references to dd's name stop.

And I'd love to tell you all the name... it's a flower name. It's a bit of a chavvy name I suppose. I think it's just beautiful. There was a baby in a cartoon in the 70s & 80s with the same name - that's the only other time I've seen it used as a name.

my MIL didnt like dds name and said she would call her jessica.

now i dont dislike jessica, but dd just was never a jessica even when i was pregnant, so i said firmly, she is called chloe!

thankfully MIL seemed to forget after about 3 weeks, or i may have throttled her!!

for you, hoepfully some of this advice (PMSL at catinthehat ) wwill help!

When asked about names when pg with ds, we always said we were leaning towards Herod

it usually stopped people interfering speculating further

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oh, now you have us all googling "flower baby cartoon 1970"

Are you going to tell us the silly, made up Granny-alternative then? We promise to take the piss.

how can a flower name be bad?! Except maybe Gladioli. Or Rhododendron. Or Geranium. Or Agapanthus. Is she called any of those? If not, fine.

my MIL also didnt want to be called nanny, she just wanted to be Jo, so shes nanny Jo, i win HA

On a roll now. What about ornithogalum - also called Florists Nightmare apparently? You could tell your MIL that's your second choice.

She's definitely Granny until she agrees to stop going on about this. You could use that as an lever in your "discussion". Say that you personally prefer Granny but are respecting her right to choose the name she prefers. However, unless she respects your right to choose the name YOU prefer for your DD you may stop respecting her choices too...

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Now my exMIL wouldn?t be called Granny ?not young or glamorous ?not even in my most generous opinion ? likes to be called nanny, but DS knows this is what they call female goats and doesn?t like it ? granny isn?t a goat is she mummy?.........erm, no darling of course she isn?t?

When your new one is born please, please, please will you send them a fake announcement card saying "To Broccoli and DP a son, DIGGER SPEARS, a brother for Ornithogalum and grandson for Granny."

And then tell everyone else the real name and wait until they call to rant about it before you rofl and tell them the truth.

gwan gwan gwan gwan gwan. You know you want to. Bet it shuts her up.

I think I would would tell her that it is none of her business and enough is enough, and if she insists on going on about it then she will no longer be welcome at your house as it is confusing for dd. Then leave the decision up to her. Tell us the name plse

Megg - just read your story on your link. Love it.

ooh, I do like the fake birth announcement.

Why would anyone prefer to be called Nanny to Granny?

Is it tulip?

I would fix her with a firm gaze, raise my eyebrows and say "I wish you could see how much you show yourself up by saying these things about DD's name. It's rude and unseemly. If you can't control yourself before DD starts to understand what her grandmother is saying about her name, I'm afraid we will have no choice but to stop seeing you. It is very much your decision.".

And then I would turn to somebody else, or put my nose in a book and go "mm?" vaguely when she tried her running rings bollocks.

So MIL is step granny? I think I would be really evil and say something along the lines of "well shes not really your grandchild is she and you have no say so bugger off"
But thats just me, Mil was not over keen on either of the names DH and I chose for out sons but they are OUR children not hers and it is our choice, Also my mum wanted DS2 called ZAC and was a bit whiny about it (nothing against the name zac by the way just not what we wanted)

Oooh, I'd be very tempted by the 'well, you aren't really her grandmother are you, so mind your own business' line of approach. And the idea about calling step-MIL 'Brian' or something that isn't her name until she shuts up. But catinthehat wins the award for sheer brilliance.

When I was pregnant we told everyone that if the baby was a boy we were going to call him Kevin, which of course we had NO intention of doing! (No offence to anyone with los called Kevin!)

Then when baby arrived and we announced real name everyone was so relieved it wasn't Kevin that we could've got away with just about anything!

ooh ooh is her name . . . da da da .......
SWEET-PEA?

[FEELING A BIT LIKE RUMPLESTILTSKIN]

It's OK, the red mist has raised itself now, all back to normal.

Just off to the nurses office for cocoa and to get the main buckles on my straitjacket done up for the night.

Hmm, I'm suspecting it's Posy.

Which is a sweet name

Def call the MIL Granny Surname from now on, and get DH to tell her to butt out (where is his dad? Grandad Surname? Why isn't he telling her to butt out?)

Ooh Posy is lovely

do they try to call her Rosy?

I correct anyone who tries to call MIL anything except her chosen "Gran". And then when she tries to rename my son I remind her that I am good enough to stick to the name she chose fo herself...

I've got my money on 'Sweetpea'