Could you tolerate DH spouting rubbish?

[Love55]

I love spending time with DH. I look forward to him coming home. He cooks for me most evenings and we always have a giggle on the sofa after DC are in bed. He makes me laugh etc etc. And he's a good man.

BUT....he has a habit of basically saying some really stupid/offensive stuff.

Examples

"Lesbians have penis envy"
"Newsreaders can't be taken seriously when they wear make-up"
"Climate change is rather convenient don't you think" (cue eyebrow raise)
"Aliens live in the sea"

When I press him on any of this - it become evident that he is repeating something he has read online (think shock jocks, twitter rubbish) and he usually just says 'oh i'm just being silly' or just avoids further conversation because he doesn't seem to know what's he actually saying

If I really push it he gets annoyed at me and says I'm a classic middle class liberal type who doesn't question anything.

The DC love him. He's responsible. And honestly he's funny and warm and great company. If I really thought he held those views, it would be one thing but I genuinely think he is quite gullible (I don't possibly respect him??!) - and he just gets taken in

Would this be an issue for people? I sometimes hear him and think 'how is this MY person?' when i think he sounds so stupid. But also obviously leaving him is v. drastic

My DH is a great person but has an awful habit of singing, clapping his hands and making weird noises. Just generally attention seeking and noisy. Like you op, I've had that red face, he's MINE?! I just decided to learn to let it slide, nobody is perfect. I don't hide my feelings though and have left the room at times, telling him why. So keep challenging your DH when he is offensive, ignorant etc if it ends up being a deal breaker at least you've tried.

I'm a classic middle class liberal type who doesn't question anything.

OMG what is it with this attitude that if you "believe" things because of scientific evidence, you "don't question anything" or get called "sheeple", but if you believe that aliens live in the sea, climate change isn't real (oh and WHO is climate change convenient for exactly???) etc etc because some shady fruitloop on the internet said so, you're the thoughtful questioning one!

I could pick the silly beliefs to pieces and say I'd believe them when I see the evidence. But that stupid attitude that not instantly believing conspiracy theory guff makes you "unquestioning" would put me right off. (As would the sexism.)

I don't see how someone who makes homophobic and sexist comments can be a good man?

Well my vagina would snap shut faster than Margaret Thatcher’s handbag. It’s personal preference though.

@lottiegarbanzo

Also, I want to know more about the undersea aliens.

The idea might come from the testimony of Admiral Richard Byrd in his massive expedition to Antarctic in 1946/7 (Operation High jump) - he and his second-in-command reported being attacked from craft and creatures that came out of the sea. Many of his expedition died. I remember seeing an interview with him recorded a very long time ago about it (In Spanish) but it's nowhere to be found now.

I’d find all of that absolutely unbearable apart from “aliens live in the sea” which is marvellous.

That sounds more like cold war subs than aliens @Heidi451 doesn't it?

I was thinking more along the lines of mythic yet real giant squid and us all being made of stardust.

Maybe Atlantis?

Or did he read the Hitchhiker's Guide as non-fiction?

I don't see the issue with the alien comment tbh. I believe they exist somewhere.

Everything else would piss me off.

There's a difference between "do you think aliens exist, I think they could be under the sea because xyz" which I would be happy to discuss and ponder, and "I read there are aliens under the sea and if you don't believe that you're an unquestioning middle-class liberal" which is ridiculous.

Him being that gullible while accusing other people of unquestioningly accepting things is what would be annoying.

It's about beliefs unsupported by evidence or rational argument SnowFlo

It's one thing being open-minded, agnostic, willing to change your opinion as evidence changes. It's quite another choosing to believe something, just because you'd like it to be true, imagine it might be, or someone told you it was (without offering good evidence or rational argument).

Obviously there is an interesting overlap here with religion. The distinction there is that most religious people recognise that their beliefs are based on faith and tradition and cannot be proven in terms of material evidence. They are comfortable with a clear evidence / faith distinction and many don't seek to blur those boundaries.

Could you come up with some equally outrageous opinions. Make it into a joke.

Yes, I think that's a good route to take. Try to top his stories with even more outlandish yet sincere 'beliefs' of your own. 'But this Youtuber told me all about Atlantis / Giant Lizards / Elvis. Honestly, when you look into it it's amazing!'

Tell him the earth is flat.

The only risk is that he'll believe the whole lot and you'll just expedite his descent into scary conspiracy territory.

I guess it's about how you tell it.

It's about beliefs unsupported by evidence or rational argument

Which is perfectly normal with regards to things such as aliens and the supernatural. I believe in spirits/ghosts but I have no rational argument or evidence, it is just something I believe and can't shake off.

It's different when it comes to things that are prejudiced, e.g. penis envy and the make-up comment etc.

do you think aliens exist, I think they could be under the sea because xyz" which I would be happy to discuss and ponder, and "I read there are aliens under the sea and if you don't believe that you're an unquestioning middle-class liberal" which is ridiculous.

Fair enough, I can understand that.

Ok that's interesting. So for you, aliens and ghosts are part of a supernatural world that for some people includes god(s) and that you believe in purely as a matter of faith. It's not about degrees of evidence for you, at all.

That makes sense, in terms of the meaning of 'belief'.

What doesn't make sense - and what OP's DH seems to be saying - is that he believes in something as a material reality, based on poor, limited or fabricated evidence.

If your belief is of the evidence-based (not faith-based) type, then standards of evidence matter.