Relationship

[Constance1643]

My husband of 27 years is very derogatory about me to is sister and always has been. They discuss me and laugh at me although it's always behind my back. It almost feels like they are married and I am the outsider. He won't back me up and won't hear my concerns that she is ruining any chance we have of staying married. If I confront him he says I am making it up so talking about it with him is useless ( I have tried many times). Is this normal??

How did you find out they were discussing you and laughing at you?

I overheard them. This has happened many times over the last 27 years

That sounds awful for you. When you overheard them, what did they do? Did they just pretend they weren't doing it?
Is there anything specific they laugh about?

Pretend they didn't. Sneer at my housework (too tidy) laugh at my family, discuss my moods - is she in a good mood today etc etc

You know they do it because one of them or both of them feel threatened in some way, or have low self-esteem.
I had it exactly the same as you, similar time period, didn't cotton on like you have though, not until the very end did I realise. And it was similar things - housework (not tidy enough), my family (snobs), my character (poked fun if ever I dared to have an opinion which was opposite to SIL's). My ex was too weak to stand up to her, obviously. Could that be your trouble as well? That's he's scared of his relatives?

SIL has never liked me so it's been very difficult. She's always looking for fault with me or my family. I think she's jealous but the issue is he always sides with her. If we have issues and tbh we have many, it's her he will discuss our relationship with and not me. It seems very unhealthy to me