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Original poster

How often do you see your parents?

56 replies

Mellowyellow222 · 23/01/2022 23:17

I have a difficult relationship with my parents - although they are totally oblivious to that fact!

I have noticed recently a lot of comments about how they hardly ever see me. I see them about once or twice a week. Which I think is a lot.

I went to their house on Friday night and stayed about three hours. They turned up at my door today unannounced for another visit. As they were leaving my mum made a barbed comment about how she can’t visit during the week because I am working.

They can and stayed did a full week at Christmas. The next weekend I called to visit and my mum made a comment about about how they hadn’t seen me in ages??

They are late 60s, in good health, drive, have local friends.

I thought once a week was pretty standard? It’s more than most of my friends visit their parents. I am early forties, single and work long hours. My sister lives close to them as well, has three children and also works long hours. She sees them probably twice a week.

OP posts:
Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese · 23/01/2022 23:22

6 times a week and the same with inlaws BUT they help out with childcare, so 4 of those are really 10/15 minutes of drop off/ collection and chat. The other is a good few hours? We go to my parents for dinner once a week and spend most Sundays at my inlaws.
Before we had ds, it was once a week and it was a few hours and dinner with both.

HairyFanjoBanjo · 23/01/2022 23:24

Every couple of months - we live 2h away and myself and DH work FT and have kids. We speak on a group WhatsApp to share photos of kids etc. That’s actually enough for me. If we lived close by, I’d still not want to see them multiple times per week and I like them!

EarthSight · 23/01/2022 23:26

I think that's a lot, especially with parents you don't get a long with very well......and of course they don't notice it as much. It might be because they are used to having their own way maybe when you're around, so the thing the notice the most is when they don't get opportunities to do exactly that.

How's their marriage do you think?

Tee20x · 23/01/2022 23:26

Once or twice a week ???!!!!!!!!!! I just think that sounds like way too often. Don't they have anything to do? Have you got siblings they also see this often?

Every couple of months would seem more appropriate to me.

Sheabutterisdelish · 23/01/2022 23:27

Few times a year? We have a fairly good relationship but that's because we don't see each other very often tbh. Text every day to check all ok though. Live a 2 hour round trip away.

Enzbear · 23/01/2022 23:27

Once a fortnight. We aren't really close but get on ok. No major issues but I feel like a cuckoo in my family. I'm not a black sheep but don't fit the family mold. My dsis and dbro are very similar to each other and my dps, I'm the odd one out but we still all get on.

Sheabutterisdelish · 23/01/2022 23:28

Once or twice a week ???!!!!!!!!!!

That was my reaction too!

Allsorts1 · 23/01/2022 23:29

It sounds like you see them loads!!! I love my dad and he lives nearby but I probably see him once a month!

MrsSugar · 23/01/2022 23:32

I only have my mum left alive and I’m quite young so she’s not old. Anyways…. I see her anywhere between 2-4 times a week. I have a young baby tho so maybe when baby is older I will be busier running him places. My brother sees her a lot less. My DH sees his parents less too so not sure if that’s a male thing

SusannaQueen · 23/01/2022 23:33

Few times a year I'm an expensive ferry ride away. I talk to them every week though. I would like to see them more tbh and miss the days of being able to drop in for coffee.

StarsAreWishes · 23/01/2022 23:36

Average of once per week or two.

caringcarer · 23/01/2022 23:37

Both my dp are now dead but I see my dd who lives over 230 miles away and it takes almost 3 hours to get there, 4 or 5 times a year and dgc. My eldest adult son lives 150 miles away but I can get there in about 2 1/4 hours and he lives alone although has gf so every other month. My youngest adult son still lives at home as saving for deposit so see him every day. See mil every other month now fil passed away. We used to go 3 times a year.

Normando91 · 23/01/2022 23:40

I see my mum and step dad once a month and that’s only since I had my little boy, before that it was every few months. We live 3 hours apart.

I see my dad and ILs once a week. Dad is 20 mins away and ILs about 40 mins.

Original poster
Mellowyellow222 · 23/01/2022 23:40

Thank you! I was starting to think I was at fault.

When I was young my mum visited her mum once a week - on Sunday afternoon. So not sure why she expects so much more from us.

We don’t have a rigid routine - and we have a family WhatsApp group so speak regularly.

They drop in regularly without ringing first which is annoying. Then expect a long visit. I often just say sorry I have to work, which I know annoys them!

I think it’s a control issue - they only see it from their perspective.

OP posts:
Kitkat151 · 23/01/2022 23:54

@Sheabutterisdelish

Few times a year? We have a fairly good relationship but that's because we don't see each other very often tbh. Text every day to check all ok though. Live a 2 hour round trip away.
2 hour round trip and you see them a few times a year? 😮 do you not get on with them? Do you have children? Do your kids not get on with them? Genuine questions...... I’m 57 I live a 2 hour drive from my Mum (100miles) ....I see her around 15 To 20 times a year....for around 3 to 5 days each time.....more if she comes on holiday with us....my 3 kids and 3DGC see her around 10 times a year..... I would feel like a very bad daughter if I didn’t see her.....I do loads for her....I really enjoy her company..... horses for courses I guess
annatwink · 23/01/2022 23:58

Never. I've been shunned by mother for the past four years. Prior two that intermittently due to step father's family not knowing I existed (since childhood).
Father I'm estranged from, in a way, since he's got mental health issues, aggression issues etc.homeless too so difficult to see etc. (Nominally raised by him)

Postivepants · 23/01/2022 23:59

Every day but then my dad is 82 and we lost my mum 2 years ago. He's very lonely and is only 2 streets away so make sure I even go after a 12 hour shift on work days

Sheabutterisdelish · 24/01/2022 00:52

2 hour round trip and you see them a few times a year? 😮 do you not get on with them? Do you have children? Do your kids not get on with them? Genuine questions...... I’m 57 I live a 2 hour drive from my Mum (100miles) ....I see her around 15 To 20 times a year....for around 3 to 5 days each time.....more if she comes on holiday with us....my 3 kids and 3DGC see her around 10 times a year..... I would feel like a very bad daughter if I didn’t see her.....I do loads for her....I really enjoy her company..... horses for courses I guess

I'm spluttering at the thought of going on holiday together tbh. Just because you want to spend a lot of time with your parents doesn't mean everyone does. We get on ok - it works better like this.

Sheabutterisdelish · 24/01/2022 00:53

.I see her around 15 To 20 times a year....for around 3 to 5 days each time.....more if she comes on holiday with us....my 3 kids and 3DGC see her

In fact thinking about that amount of time - how do you ever get time to go that often and for so long? Mind boggles tbh

Sheabutterisdelish · 24/01/2022 00:54

That's like two weeks a month....

SuperSleepyBaby · 24/01/2022 01:19

OP have a read of this, about enmeshed families
www.verywellfamily.com/can-a-family-be-too-close-1695789

Kelly7889 · 24/01/2022 03:49

@Postivepants

Every day but then my dad is 82 and we lost my mum 2 years ago. He's very lonely and is only 2 streets away so make sure I even go after a 12 hour shift on work days
Same here. We moved house, lives and jobs to be near my parents when they started getting older. My Dad died 5 years ago though, and my mother is now over 80. I see her every day.
Flittingaboutagain · 24/01/2022 04:01

I check on my elderly Nan (90s) several days a week. I see my own parents once or twice a week, but will see them much more if and when their health declines etc. I relocated to be closer to family to enable this. For now, it's all just because I want to see them, no "need" if that makes sense.

Is your mum one of those people for whom nothing is ever good enough?

Kitkat151 · 24/01/2022 08:56

@Sheabutterisdelish

2 hour round trip and you see them a few times a year? 😮 do you not get on with them? Do you have children? Do your kids not get on with them? Genuine questions...... I’m 57 I live a 2 hour drive from my Mum (100miles) ....I see her around 15 To 20 times a year....for around 3 to 5 days each time.....more if she comes on holiday with us....my 3 kids and 3DGC see her around 10 times a year..... I would feel like a very bad daughter if I didn’t see her.....I do loads for her....I really enjoy her company..... horses for courses I guess

I'm spluttering at the thought of going on holiday together tbh. Just because you want to spend a lot of time with your parents doesn't mean everyone does. We get on ok - it works better like this.

We LOVE big family holidays..not done it since Covid....but last one was to Canada touring ......10 of us ( including my Mum who was 83 and my DGDs) in a mini bus around Vancouver and the Rockies.....this year we have booked Portugal.....one year 23 of us Went to Lanzarote. My Dads not here anymore.....been dead 30 years.....guess I just appreciate my Mum being around and want to spend all the time I can with her.....like I said horses for courses😁
Kitkat151 · 24/01/2022 08:57

@Sheabutterisdelish

That's like two weeks a month....
Well maybe not quite....but near enough....I have the option to WFH now so can get there whenever I like😁
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