Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How often do you see your parents?

56 replies

Mellowyellow222 · 23/01/2022 23:17

I have a difficult relationship with my parents - although they are totally oblivious to that fact!

I have noticed recently a lot of comments about how they hardly ever see me. I see them about once or twice a week. Which I think is a lot.

I went to their house on Friday night and stayed about three hours. They turned up at my door today unannounced for another visit. As they were leaving my mum made a barbed comment about how she can’t visit during the week because I am working.

They can and stayed did a full week at Christmas. The next weekend I called to visit and my mum made a comment about about how they hadn’t seen me in ages??

They are late 60s, in good health, drive, have local friends.

I thought once a week was pretty standard? It’s more than most of my friends visit their parents. I am early forties, single and work long hours. My sister lives close to them as well, has three children and also works long hours. She sees them probably twice a week.

OP posts:
MrsMariaReynolds · 24/01/2022 08:59

They live a continent away, some 4000 miles, so needless to say, very rarely. Pre-Covid, we could see them at least once a year. At the moment, it's been over 2 and a half years since we've been together. 😞

Your mother needs to count her blessings...

Mommabear20 · 24/01/2022 09:00

I see 1 once a week for a full morning to see the kids, the other lives abroad so never see them but do text daily/every other day.

RockAndHardPlace1 · 24/01/2022 09:01

About 2-3 times a year for 2 days to a week at a time. I live 5 hours away from though, I can't drive long distance and in the winter I'm usually snowed in and my dad hates driving in the snow. Grin
I wish I could see more of them though!

Kitkat151 · 24/01/2022 09:02

@Sheabutterisdelish

.I see her around 15 To 20 times a year....for around 3 to 5 days each time.....more if she comes on holiday with us....my 3 kids and 3DGC see her

In fact thinking about that amount of time - how do you ever get time to go that often and for so long? Mind boggles tbh

Well your mind can boggle all it wants🙄.....I WFH a lot.....I have lots of leave....I work compressed hours.....lots of reasons I am able to visit lots....and this year I retire and return on 2 days ( I am 57 now though) so will be able to see her even more😁
shivawn · 24/01/2022 09:04

They're a 10 minute walk away. I see them a lot more often since I had my baby because they love to see him and I'm on maternity leave going for lots of walks with the pram so I call in as I'm passing the house. At least once a day, maybe twice most days.

My mother in law lives an hour away, we call to see her once a week or else she calls to see us.

wishfuldreamer · 24/01/2022 09:32

My mum is about four hours away, door to door, dad and stepmum about five. I see them each maybe three or four times a year. Hard to remember what it was like pre-covid.
My mum has started saying she doesn’t see me often enough. I think it’s because, due to covid, she’s much more stationary than she used to be. She retired just as the first lockdown hit, and hasn’t been able to go on all the holidays she used to. So suddenly I think she feels the absence. Plus my brother bubbled with her when that was a thing, so they see each other very regularly and it’s a direct comparison.

If I was going to see her more, it would still be max once a month…it’s a long trip to see her.

anonymoooose · 24/01/2022 09:37

I see my mum maybe once or twice a week. She lives about a two minute drive from me but we face time everyday (since she had Covid in 2020).
We both work and I have two small kids so I will probably spend a Friday evening with her. I've since taken up netball and she comes on a Monday night to watch them.

Desmondo2021 · 24/01/2022 09:40

Four or five times a week. My whole family live within a mile square and we are super close and basically a big group of best friends. I know that's not for everyone but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Sheabutterisdelish · 24/01/2022 11:14

Well your mind can boggle all it wants🙄.....I WFH a lot.....I have lots of leave....I work compressed hours.....lots of reasons I am able to visit lots....and this year I retire and return on 2 days ( I am 57 now though) so will be able to see her even more😁

Good for you then. Not all of us want to spend loads of time with our parents. Thinking about it, my parents only saw their parents a handful of times a year and lived the same distance as you from yours. Just very different relationships I guess, I can't keep a conversation going with my Dad for more than 3 minutes and the idea of going away in holiday together just seems almost comical. We don't not get on we just don't really have anything in common. I don't even work so time is no issue. Fascinating how different everyone is, I'd be totally suffocated by that whole big family 2 minutes away type set up i must say.

mindutopia · 24/01/2022 14:06

Well, I'm NC with my mum now (and my dad died 20 years ago), but when we did still have a relationship, it was about every 3 months with a phone call once a month or so, messages more frequent. She doesn't live near us, thankfully. MIL we see about every 2 months. I don't know how often dh speaks with her, but I message her a few times a month. She lives about 1.5 hours away. 1-2 times a week would make me lose my mind. I barely see dh that much!

ravenmum · 24/01/2022 14:41

Last saw them in 2019 as I live abroad and travel has been too hard/risky for them. Hoping to see them this year.

My children are 22 and 24, and one lives in a different town. At the moment we do a 1-hour video chat once a week, and whoever is in this town will mostly come in person. Sometimes we meet up another time. But there's no pressure on either side, we all have things to do.

Kitkat151 · 24/01/2022 21:29

@Sheabutterisdelish

Well your mind can boggle all it wants🙄.....I WFH a lot.....I have lots of leave....I work compressed hours.....lots of reasons I am able to visit lots....and this year I retire and return on 2 days ( I am 57 now though) so will be able to see her even more😁

Good for you then. Not all of us want to spend loads of time with our parents. Thinking about it, my parents only saw their parents a handful of times a year and lived the same distance as you from yours. Just very different relationships I guess, I can't keep a conversation going with my Dad for more than 3 minutes and the idea of going away in holiday together just seems almost comical. We don't not get on we just don't really have anything in common. I don't even work so time is no issue. Fascinating how different everyone is, I'd be totally suffocated by that whole big family 2 minutes away type set up i must say.

Yes good for me😁....my kids are live within 5 mins Drive of me ...see 1 or 2 of them every day....see my 3 GDs 4 to 5 times a week.... My 3 SILs and 8 DNnephews/nieces and all their children live no more than 15 minutes drive from me......we get together loads....we all fight to get a word in edgewise....we all always have something to say....probably too much😂..... I guess the opposite runs in your family from what you say...... so not seeing much of your children When they are older won’t be a big deal I guess......bring on the ‘suffocation’ as you call it .....we all LOVE it.
gavisconismyfriend · 24/01/2022 21:41

Gosh that’s a lot!!!!!!

LiveFromNewYork · 24/01/2022 21:45

Wow that's loads! I am mid forties, no particular responsibilities, live about half an hour away and might see them say every six weeks in average.

Mrsgwen25 · 24/01/2022 21:45

Both parents are now gone but they lived 1hr away and we saw them at least weekly (more as they got frail) and spoke on the phone every day. When they were able to travel they would come to us every now and again and stop for a day or two

PrettyBluebells · 24/01/2022 21:51

I used to see them 5 times a week, they did my childcare 4 days and then I'd visit at weekends too. Now my dc are older, I probably see them once or twice a week, depending on Etsy else I have on, it isn't set in stone. I phone them too. They're in their 70's and very sociable, with a wide circle of friends, they don't rely on my visits.

Needaholiday101 · 24/01/2022 21:59

I see my Dad once a year for a weekend, he lives 200 miles away and we aren't close. Only really speak on the phone 4/5 times a year. Its always been that way as we have lived far apart since I was a child.

My mum is 30 mins away and probably once a month we meet up but text every day more or less.

TizerorFizz · 24/01/2022 22:01

My mum is very elderly and I see her between 2 times a week or once in 10 days. Just depends on what we are all doing. Mum is nearer 100 than 90!

I’m probably outing myself here but one of my sisters, until 2021, last saw mum in 2015. Before that she made it in 2014 for a big birthday for mum but left after the lunch I arranged. We had to take her to the station so she could get into London. She doesn’t drive and simply cannot be bothered to visit. Works very part time and hasn’t worked full time for 10 years. Other sister is another train journey away and doesn’t drive. So once a year if we are lucky. Ditto grandchildren other than mine!

So I’ve one sister who is truly awful in my view. I’ve absolutely no idea why as she phones mum often. So no falling out. But I don’t speak to her much. Only when needs must. Difficult to imagine anyone more self centred.

Philly1234 · 24/01/2022 22:02

I don’t think they’re being considerate by just turning up unannounced and expecting to stay a long time. It’s irritating you. The solution would be clear boundaries. Would you feel comfortable with setting some with them??

beautifullymad · 24/01/2022 22:03

My son visits us three days a week. I see my mum twice a week but speak or text every day. Mil I chat to once a week but can only see her twice a year for a few weeks due to the distance. I speak, see or text my sisters and SIL several times a week.

We've always been a close knit family. We also holiday together.

PermanentTemporary · 24/01/2022 22:08

I see Mum once a week at the moment. She's in a nursing home which is an hour each way, I'm a single parent with a full time job. When she was in a closer nursing home I saw her 2-6 times a week but it was completely desperate there and thank goodness she's somewhere better.

HiGunny · 24/01/2022 22:11

@Kitkat151
... I guess the opposite runs in your family from what you say...... so not seeing much of your children When they are older won’t be a big deal I guess......

What a horrible thing to say. She could have a very different relationship with her own children.

myhousebuild · 24/01/2022 22:13

Well I see my dad most days as he works in the same company as me.
I probably see my mum 2-3 times if say.

Kitkat151 · 24/01/2022 22:16

[quote HiGunny]@Kitkat151
... I guess the opposite runs in your family from what you say...... so not seeing much of your children When they are older won’t be a big deal I guess......

What a horrible thing to say. She could have a very different relationship with her own children.[/quote]
PP said herself that the whole seeing family thing too often suffocates her .... what your problem?🙄

MondeoFan · 24/01/2022 22:18

I too have a difficult relationship with my parents. Everything I do is wrong in their eyes. They live 25 min drive away and are early 70's. I see them about once every 2-3 months. So 4-6 times a year.
They only have 2 grandchildren which are my DC but they show no interest in them.