I was with my partner since I was 13 years old I am now 30. We have 2 children together aged 6&2. I found out 2 weeks ago he had been messaging and meeting another woman.
Background- he was literally my first love, my best friend and what I thought was my soul mate. We got together really young but it was always me and him against the world. When I was 18 I fell pregnant and I had what was called a molar pregnancy, I had to have chemotherapy for 12 weeks after. We had a few miscarriages after that but went on to have 2 successful pregnancies. Times have been hard but we always got through.
Throughout the years like most couples we had our ups and downs but always got through it making us stronger. We've had people try and break us up in the past by spreading rumours etc but again never broke us.
Over the last few months it hasn't been great, Iv been working 3 jobs, looking after our children, running the house, making sure he was looked after and ok as he seemed down. I kind of felt like I was drowning with so much going on. I am far from a selfish person and always put him and the children first but I wouldn't have it any other way. Our children are not great sleepers so we got in the rut of sleeping separately with each of our children. At the time it worked as we all got a good night sleep but now I know that was probably the reason he has done what his done.
We both had a conversation and agreed we needed some help so we spoke to our drs and was prescribed sertraline. Things started to get a little easier and we pulled together as a team.
So over Christmas and new year we were getting along. He bought me a new car and we got our family dog. I thought things were ok but he kept going out a lot, randomly sneaking off saying he just needed to pop out but was gone over 2 hours, very secretive with his phone, pushing me away, playing the depressed card saying he needs to change and make money and get away on his own etc. I kept reassuring him everything would be ok and to not push me away and that if he needs anything he knows I'm here. I carried on struggling making ends meet with my jobs and the children.
Then one morning I just had a feeling that something wasn't right so I took his phone and went through it. There was extra passcodes to get into his what's app which I thought was strange. I got into the messages and there they were. Messages to another woman. He was telling her he loved her, how beautiful she is, felt like he won the lottery meeting her, discussing family trips away with our children her and her child, arranging meet ups, booking time off work to spend the day with her, telling her about how he can't wait to be hers properly, discussing sex etc. She was also in a relationship of 8 years and had a child with him. She broke it off with her partner the day before I found out.
When I confronted him he didn't know what to say other than he was sorry. He admitted it and said there was nothing sexual just a kiss. He was taking our son to a football match that afternoon so whilst he was gone I packed his stuff and took it all to his mums house. I spoke to her on the phone but she didn't give me much she wouldn't even tell me her name. All she told me was it had only been 4-6 weeks and that she was sorry. My partner didn't go back to his mums that whole weekend and woundnt answer his phone. It turned out she had paid for a hotel for him so he could get away and clear his head. He is adamant she was not there. I do not believe this. He has even lied saying she lives far away when I know that's not the case. I tried calling him a week later and she answered his phone. When I confronted him about this he kept saying she didn't and I am crazy but I clearly heard her. I don't know if she answered his phone without him knowing so he just turned on me making me out to be crazy and accusing him again.
I have had my good days where I think I'm ok but obviously Iv been having really bad days where I miss him. I have messaged a few times asking if he would speak to me face to face to give me some answers and some closure on our 17 years together but he won't have none of it. In actual fact he is being nothing but rude to me telling me this is my fault, I never showed him love, I took him for granted, im controlling etc I have told him I would love nothing more than for us to have some time apart to sort ourselves out then maybe start dating again to try get that spark back but he is just nasty saying I need to get it into my head we are over and he can do what he wants now.
I really don't know what I'm asking but I just don't know what way to turn. This is pain I have never ever felt before. My heart physically hurts. It is like I am grieving for my best friend. To be honest I don't know if I would ever be able to trust him again and I don't know if we would ever be the same again but at the same time I just miss him and us and our family so much. I don't understand how he is treating my like I never existed, no respect for my feelings or well being. It's like I don't know who he is anymore. It's so heart breaking. I think it would of been a bit easier if we had just broken up but knowing there is someone else is just killing me.
Does anyone have any advice? Been in the same situation? Does it get easier? What do I do going forward?
Sorry it was a long read x