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Original poster

i need him out of my life

61 replies

HappyNewYear2008 · 28/12/2007 11:44

i am sick and tired of the crap i put up with from my ds dad. we have been off and on for 10 yrs and on xmas day he was a w@nker. his family haven't bought me any presents and his db has been insistant on what to get his dw. he said while your getting ready i am going to take ds to visit and give everyone their presents and i said wait i will come with. he said no you can't cause they wont have got you anything.. anyway cut a long story short i said why would you get her something and they not get me and he said she is more important than you cause they are married (she left him for a month this year and everyone thinks it was for someone else and they have been together about 6 yrs) and when i got upset not a lot but i did cry he went mad and said no one likes you thats why . and your fat?!
we went to his house for dinner (i cooked) and he said to ds (2.10) that his presents were in the wardrobe upstairs (we get seperate presents and live in seperate houses).. what was santa tired by then.

he was then a complete arse.. He went to visit his family once ds was asleep for nap and get me a present from his dm (i know this sounds ungrateful) but it was a pair of earings from the argos catalogue for £2. and i know his sil would have got something nicer?

dinner went well and the rest of the day. he is so mean to me all the time and calling me names. somehow he has this hold over me and i need to break it. he calls me c**t more than he uses my name which he thinks is funny.

OP posts:
OverMyDeadBody · 28/12/2007 11:48

So re you in a relationship with him or do you just see him with DS, sorry it wasn't clear.

If you're in a relationship with him, why??? He sounds horrid and not good for your self-esteem. I'd say leave him, quickly.

bossybritches · 28/12/2007 11:48

Ok New Year treat to yourself.

Get rid of this drain on your life.

You ARE worth more and DESERVE more.

Difficult I know after 10 years but now's the time, small steps but if you live apart I wouldn't waste my time on his family, they don't appreciate you concentrate on your DS & starting afresh.

Good luck you can do it!!

Original poster
HappyNewYear2008 · 28/12/2007 11:48

i have had to give up my job and take a much lower paiud job to care for my ds and he earns a lot more but has a mort i live in council cause that's what my situation is. and our ds was ivf and now he wants another and is insisting i come up with half the money to pay for treatment and uses the fact that i don't want my ds a only child.
i have met someone before when we've broke up and he has threatened then and insisted we break up - which we did because i don't want to cause someone else trouble.

OP posts:
OverMyDeadBody · 28/12/2007 11:49

You deserve better treatment than this, everyone does.. There are plenty of men out there who will treat you with respect and love, why waste your time with him?

Original poster
HappyNewYear2008 · 28/12/2007 11:50

he somehow weadles his way in my home and insists on staying cause ds crys when he leaves so he just sits there till he goes to sleep...

OP posts:
Original poster
HappyNewYear2008 · 28/12/2007 11:50

i feel so lonely cause i don't really ahve any friends anymore

OP posts:
OverMyDeadBody · 28/12/2007 11:51

Oh god please please please don't have another child with this man! You really do deserve better, why have such a drain in your life? It won't do you or your DS any good to stay in this relationship.

pukkapatch · 28/12/2007 11:52

you know the answer yourself. you need him out of your life.
he treats you like crap. his family treat you like crap. but even you treat yourself like crap.
if yu already live in separate houses, then why is he still your dp? he doesnt give you money.

OverMyDeadBody · 28/12/2007 11:52

I know how you feel, Iwas really lonely when I was with ex, as he pushed all my friends away.

Best thing I ever did was leave him. Now I have friends, self-confidence, and the strength opf knowing I can do it alone and my DS is better off this way.

Why are you with him? What are the good points? Coz you haven't mentioned any...

ZZMum · 28/12/2007 11:53

why why why would you have another child with this man? A man who calls you c* more than your real name? What example will you be setting your kids..

Write a list down on here of all his good points cos from where we are sitting, there are no benefits to being with this man.

Saturn74 · 28/12/2007 11:53

If any man called me a c**t, he would be playing a game of 'Hunt The Testicles'.

Does he speak to you like that in front of your DS?

The present issue is a red herring, I think.

You don't feel part of his family, and that is upsetting, especially at this time of year.

Don't compare yourself to your SIL - it's not her fault, and it is a waste of your energy.

Do you see your DP's family during the year at all? If not, then the present from his mother seems pretty fair.

Your DP is the problem.

"somehow he has this hold over me" - and he treats you badly because you let him.

If you still have sex with him, then stop.

If you let him come and go into your life as he pleases, then formalise the arrangements.

Original poster
HappyNewYear2008 · 28/12/2007 11:53

i was paying for councilling last year to get him out of my life but then i couldn't afford to go anymore so he was back because i had a operation and he had to stay to look after ds.
we're not even together or broke up anymore we're just inbeteween.
he says no one would want to be with me anyway cause i am this and that..

i feel pathetic if i herad someone else say this i would think just get over it and move on

OP posts:
kindersurprise · 28/12/2007 11:54

He is a selfish manipulate bastard and you need to get rid of him. FGS, if a man were to call me c++t one time he would be out on his ear, to call you that more than your name is disgusting. What are when your DS is older and calls you that too? (he won't know what it means but if his dad calls him that then he might use it too)

Sending oyu lots of strength and a huge virtual pitchfork

madamez · 28/12/2007 11:55

FFS don't have another child with this man! Why on earth would you want to? He does sound unpleasant, but FWIW complaining about who gets the more expensive Christmas presents makes you sound a bit of a whiner.

Thing is, while you can minimise your relationship with this man (get some legal advice re maintenance, etc) and tell him to get stuffed with regard to the IVF, you are not a breeding machine (why, by the way, does he want to have another child with someone he doesn't like?) there will have to be some contact between you for your DS sake. I also think you should have a chat with Women's Aid because your partner cannot insist that you have IVF when you don't want to, and you probably need a bit of help to ditch the idea that he is in any way entilted to tell you what to do.

OverMyDeadBody · 28/12/2007 12:06

You don't need this man in your life!

Please please please find the strenght to leave him for good, imagine a life without him in it, then make it happen!

He is just using you. Why continue to let him?

Original poster
HappyNewYear2008 · 28/12/2007 12:15

he is a wonderful dad - except how he talks to me.

he used to be lovely although not for a while now.

we sometimes get on

i hate being apart from the stuff he does with ds he has a way of making me feel pushed out

OP posts:
Original poster
HappyNewYear2008 · 28/12/2007 12:19

he makes me feel that i am letting my son down by not having another baby.
we had an appointment at the ivf clinic in november and he was hideous that day
it reminded me of what it was like when we had ds - he said it was my fault i couldn't have children and called me some names along those lines.
it's really hard becuase he makes me feel it is my fault he does this and it's my fault we're not all togther like a normal family.

i know this all sound pathetic and i know i need him out but i strudggle to actually do it

OP posts:
pukkapatch · 28/12/2007 12:19

sorry, had to leave midpost.
let me get this straight.
you and he dont live in the same house. he doestn fupport you financially, and never has emotionally. he uses you as somesort of emotinal punchbag/support ofr his huge ego.
you have no friends and family locally.
you gave up work.

why dont you just up sticks and go live soemwhere else? he will be out of your life. he wont be over quite so easiy and able to stay till ds falls asleep. etc etc etc.
if yu have no ties, then it is sooo much easier to leave.

Original poster
HappyNewYear2008 · 28/12/2007 12:23

i do see his mum and dad as they look after ds while i am at work.

OP posts:
LIZS · 28/12/2007 12:27

Sorry, but how can he be such a wonderful dad. . He deliberately can't be bothered to keep up a christmas pretence, sees you and ds as and when it suits but takes few responsibiltiies for him or you . And he expects you to have another baby with him ?

Original poster
HappyNewYear2008 · 28/12/2007 12:28

sorry he gives me £200 for ds.
my family are local - sisters older than me and a young sister just has a ds herself.
it's impossible to talk to the older one i am close to because she'll be unhelpful

i have a part time job and my best freind lives 2 hours away and it's really hard to explain to people in rl - also they've heard it before (some of it not all of it)

i have a prolem at my house and had to stay with him for a bit in nov and my younger sister was there and she ended up crying and walking out because of the way he treats me and speaks to me.

my mm and dad are dead and i feel isolated

OP posts:
OverMyDeadBody · 28/12/2007 12:29

I'm sorry but the fact that he is a 'wonderful dad' is NOT a reason for you to stay with him. He can still be a dad to your DS without you having a relationship with him.

You are not letting your DS down by not having another child with this man, for goodness sake women!

How long before he's speaking to his children the way he speaks to you and putting them down too?

If you do get the courage to leave, you will get lots of support here on MN, it can be daunting but you will be so much happier if you make the break! Come on, you deserve better!

Original poster
HappyNewYear2008 · 28/12/2007 12:29

where do i start to get him out and away from me emotionally

OP posts:
kindersurprise · 28/12/2007 12:32

Do you have any way of getting out of the house and making new friends near where you live? Is there a mother/toddler group or something in your local church or something similar? You would feel better if you were not so isolated.

OverMyDeadBody · 28/12/2007 12:34

RIght, first of all, make a conscious decision to END it all, and let him know. Be strong and stick to your decisions. Lay down the terms of any contact you have with him, e.g. only to drop off and pick up DS.

You need to start making your own life without him and seeing yourself as a strong, independant single woman.