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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I wasting my time with this woman?

56 replies

Chewedupslippers · 19/01/2022 09:54

I do some volunteering a few times per week and i've slowly come to have feelings with a fellow volunteer whom i've known for nearly 6 months now.

She has a boyfriend though, right from the start she often complained about him and made fun of him to me. Lately, as in the past few weeks, she complains about him every time we are together... about the same things: financial incompatibility, he's in debt and buys things for himself with her money, plays video games every evening, doesn't cook anymore, etc... she even told me she's thinking of breaking up with him due to the problems.

Now, i've read on the internet that if a woman shares relationship problems with a guy, then it's because he's been friendzoned by her... but she also complains to other people too, both men and women.

Fair enough.

However, aside from having great chemistry, she is always standing extremely close to me and touching me all over and doesn't mind if I touch her. Just recently, she started brushing her breast against me and yesterday she actually came up behind me to say something and pressed both breasts into my back for several seconds while whispering into my ear, she also brushed her hand against my bum a bit later on. She doesn't do this with any other volunteers.

Should I see where this goes or move on?

OP posts:
Fatherliamdeliverance · 19/01/2022 10:04

Why do you want someone in a relationship touching you up?

MyQuietPlace · 19/01/2022 10:13

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ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 19/01/2022 10:22

Reverse this. If this was a guy doing this to a woman ... I'll say no more.

Thesearmsofmine · 19/01/2022 10:24

Are you a man or woman? Either way she shouldn’t be doing that to you. She probably knows you like her and is enjoying that bit of attention.

Mumof3confused · 19/01/2022 10:26

This doesn’t really sound like that much of a dilemma. Do you have very low self worth?

How would you feel if you were in her boyfriend’s shoes, if she does this to him she may do it to you? If she wants to finish with him, she should do that before making a move on someone else. The way she’s behaving sounds very unattractive to me.

Shunter350 · 19/01/2022 10:27

Careful. This sounds dodgy. If a man did that to a woman..

Findwen · 19/01/2022 11:43

Suppose you did get together with her...

... How would you ever trust she is not moaning about you and pressing herself against some other man ? She clearly has no respect or loyalty to her current boyfriend - why do you think she will treat you any better ?

SportsMother · 19/01/2022 11:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lpc3 · 19/01/2022 11:58

Sounds like a slam dunk to me, I'd say ask her out.

skipperjonce · 19/01/2022 12:12

I do some volunteering a few times per week and i've slowly come to have feelings with a fellow volunteer whom i've known for nearly 6 months now.

He has a girlfriend though, right from the start he often complained about her and made fun of her to me. Lately, as in the past few weeks, he complains about her every time we are together... about the same things: financial incompatibility, she's in debt and buys things for herself with his money, plays video games every evening, doesn't cook anymore, etc... he even told me he’s thinking of breaking up with her due to the problems.

Now, i've read on the internet that if a man shares relationship problems with a girl, then it's because she's been friendzoned by him… but she also complains to other people too, both men and women.

Fair enough.

However, aside from having great chemistry, he is always standing extremely close to me and touching me all over and doesn't mind if I touch him. Just recently, he started brushing his penis against me and yesterday he actually came up behind me to say something and pressed his penis into my back for several seconds while whispering into my ear, he also brushed his hand against my bum a bit later on. He doesn't do this with any other volunteers.

Should I see where this goes or move on?

Now what do you think?

Lpc3 · 19/01/2022 12:18

@skipperjonce that would be a different situation though so not a fair comparison. Men and women aren't the same.

Coronawireless · 19/01/2022 12:19

[quote Lpc3]@skipperjonce that would be a different situation though so not a fair comparison. Men and women aren't the same.[/quote]
Exactly!

AlwaysinaFlap · 19/01/2022 12:26

[quote Lpc3]@skipperjonce that would be a different situation though so not a fair comparison. Men and women aren't the same.[/quote]
Can you elaborate?

Lpc3 · 19/01/2022 12:55

Well there is a natural power imbalance which would make that sort of behaviour from a man creepy at best (but more likely sexual harassment).

In my experience from dating women will often not break up a relationship before moving on with someone else (maybe men do too tbf I just don't see that side). Reading the situation described by the OP the women in question couldn't be anymore obvious as to what she wants to happen.

MusicMan65 · 19/01/2022 13:19

Quite the opposite mate, sounds like you've pulled, go for it LOL

TheFoundation · 19/01/2022 14:11

I'd go for it, OP, on the condition that you want to have a relationship with someone who is a) already committed to someone else, and b) badmouths him to people she isn't even close to.

Do you think it might not be your brain that's doing the thinking, here?

dangerrabbit · 19/01/2022 14:14

Why would you want to be with someone who treats her bf like this? Or are you just looking for a no strings fling?

Rightshoardingsaurus · 19/01/2022 14:59

She sounds like a total disloyal skank. Your standards are so low, not even a snail could limbo underneath...

Coronawireless · 19/01/2022 15:05

not even a snail could limbo underneath
Grin

elelel · 19/01/2022 15:13

She sounds utterly gross to me.

fernyflax · 19/01/2022 15:18

I wish we could hear this woman's interpretation of the situation before labelling her a skank, as others have done here.

elelel · 19/01/2022 15:20

@fernyflax

I wish we could hear this woman's interpretation of the situation before labelling her a skank, as others have done here.

Why? Do you think any man who was touching someone up would admit to being in the wrong?

Nah. Didn't think so.

What on earth kind of interpretation for touching someone sexually do you think you are going to get?

Bowwowwowoh · 19/01/2022 15:44

This woman sounds predatory.

Aquamarine1029 · 19/01/2022 15:47

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TheWeeDonkey · 19/01/2022 16:06

If this is real, I would be distancing myself from this person as far as possible.🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩