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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I wasting my time with this woman?

56 replies

Chewedupslippers · 19/01/2022 09:54

I do some volunteering a few times per week and i've slowly come to have feelings with a fellow volunteer whom i've known for nearly 6 months now.

She has a boyfriend though, right from the start she often complained about him and made fun of him to me. Lately, as in the past few weeks, she complains about him every time we are together... about the same things: financial incompatibility, he's in debt and buys things for himself with her money, plays video games every evening, doesn't cook anymore, etc... she even told me she's thinking of breaking up with him due to the problems.

Now, i've read on the internet that if a woman shares relationship problems with a guy, then it's because he's been friendzoned by her... but she also complains to other people too, both men and women.

Fair enough.

However, aside from having great chemistry, she is always standing extremely close to me and touching me all over and doesn't mind if I touch her. Just recently, she started brushing her breast against me and yesterday she actually came up behind me to say something and pressed both breasts into my back for several seconds while whispering into my ear, she also brushed her hand against my bum a bit later on. She doesn't do this with any other volunteers.

Should I see where this goes or move on?

OP posts:
2bazookas · 19/01/2022 16:31

She badmouths her BF ( no boundaries, no respect) and shows no respect at all for your boundaries and privacy either.

That's not "great chemistry"; it's not flattering; she's taking advantage of you. It's abuse.

Try guessing how many of her mates have a right old laugh about your quirks , egg her on with dares to touch you up, see how far she can go etc.

My volunteer job has a code of conduct  between co-workers, btw. 

Yours probably does too.

Ionlydomassiveones · 19/01/2022 16:33

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

coldfeetmama · 19/01/2022 16:35

I think any relationship should end before breasts are negotiated
Keep that in mind if you end up with her , when she gets fed up with you being you
Who will she be pressing up against next
It's disrespecting and immature
You are encouraging her

OakRowan · 19/01/2022 16:36

She doesn't mind if you touch her? What have you been doing? While she sexually harasses you at work, in a situation where you volunteer? OK then. Sure, that's not a problematic situation, at all.

Iamnotamermaid · 19/01/2022 16:43

You could see where this goes but manage your expectations, they should not be too high...

Tal45 · 19/01/2022 16:46

As she just seems to spend her whole time moaning about and belittling her boyfriend to you I'm assuming by 'chemistry' you mean it's her tits you're after rather than her personality. It sounds like you might be made for each other.

DatingDinosaur · 19/01/2022 16:46

OP - Have your feelings developed since she started flirting with you?

In any event, if it’s a relationship you’re after, be a bit wary – she’s not available, she badmouths her partner, she’s behaving inappropriately. All excellent signs she’d be up for a shag. All poor signs she’s got any respect, for herself or others.

Bluebluemoon39 · 19/01/2022 16:50

Sounds like a slam dunk to me

🤣🤣🤣

OP - can I ask how old you both are?
I'm imagining she is an older woman who's enjoying the attention she gets from you and is egging you on? I may be way off though.

elelel · 19/01/2022 16:56

The woman is rubbing her tits on OP and brushing her hand across her arse. That's not fucking flirting, it's sexual harassment Hmm

SailingNotSurfing · 19/01/2022 17:33

Eurgh, she sounds repulsive. She's sexually assaulting you and you appear to be enjoying it! Next time she 'accidentally' pushes her breasts into you, tell her to get the fuck away. Tell your manager as well, so she doesn't turn things around and start accusing you of sexual harassment.

Skeumorph · 19/01/2022 17:49

On the plus side, she’s fond of brushing. That’s quite useful in a volunteer, especially in a stables or animal rescue.

MyQuietPlace · 19/01/2022 19:52

I'd say this woman is quite unpleasant - she's with a bloke but slags him off behind his back, to you. She then flirts and teases with you. Is that really the kind of woman you'd like to be with?

Palmfrond · 19/01/2022 23:55

Sounds like she is looking for an opportunity to drive her relationship with her bf into a tree, and she’s chosen you for the job!
If you must be an idiot do it for what might be some terrible sex, and hope to god the bf is not a vengeful psycho (because he will find out, very likely from her).
Otherwise, steer clear.

Farrandau · 20/01/2022 00:04

What exactly has caused you to develop ‘feelings’ for someone who endlessly badmouths her boyfriend and appears to have no respect for your physical boundaries? Or are these entirely different kinds of ‘feeling’?

Bogeyes · 20/01/2022 00:49

You are playing with fire

Suzi888 · 20/01/2022 00:56

As long as you are only looking for sex not a relationship - go for it!

Seemslikeagoodidea · 20/01/2022 01:38

@Rightshoardingsaurus

She sounds like a total disloyal skank. Your standards are so low, not even a snail could limbo underneath...
Ha ha ha! Grin Love this!

OP, she's obviously on the market for a quick shag, but she also sounds like trouble.

Seemslikeagoodidea · 20/01/2022 01:46

@Iamnotamermaid

You could see where this goes but manage your expectations, they should not be too high...
Grin Understatement of the century!

Sounds like she only wants you for your body, OP, the dirty woman.

DropYourSword · 20/01/2022 02:57

She has a boyfriend who she badmouths to you every opportunity she gets.

If she's that unhappy with him why hasn't she split up with him?

If you get together while she's still with him, she's a cheater.

How will you ever be able to trust she won't be badmouthing you or cheating on you if you get together.

Sounds like someone to avoid!

layladomino · 21/01/2022 12:59

No matter whether male or female, it is wrong to touch someone up without mutual agreement. I can't believe anyone thinks any differently. Why would anyone argue that it's OK for a woman to touch up a man like that?

That, and the moaning about her bf - that's disrespectful and immature, attention-seeking behaviour. These things don't paint a picture of a nice person.

I would avoid this one. Even if you ever ended up in a relationship - you've seen how she talks about her bf, and that she's happy to touch up other men when she's got a bf.

Wack · 21/01/2022 15:16

My twopennworth, write down everything that happened on each occasion and place this in an envelope with the date on and seal it, if it's happened several times, you'll need an envelope for each incident.
If it goes somewhere and you get on, fine, but if there's an accusation against you, you have a diarised not of the incidents in each sealed envelope.

TheFoundation · 21/01/2022 16:06

@Wack

My twopennworth, write down everything that happened on each occasion and place this in an envelope with the date on and seal it, if it's happened several times, you'll need an envelope for each incident. If it goes somewhere and you get on, fine, but if there's an accusation against you, you have a diarised not of the incidents in each sealed envelope.
What use would this be? I could write a bunch of accusations about my boss and seal them all in dated envelopes going back to the last century. What would it prove?
Thisisworsethananticpated · 21/01/2022 16:13

Reverse this. If this was a guy doing this to a woman ... I'll say no more

No actually
Unless ops minds (and I don’t think he does) she’s coming on strong there

She fancies you op
Your move ?

ChargingBuck · 21/01/2022 16:41

Why would you even want to be in the 'friend zone' with this disloyal, sexually predatory cheat?

Stop wasting your time, & leave yourself free to meet a single woman who isn't a sex pest.

ExpectingLady93 · 21/01/2022 16:43

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