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Original poster

Should I stay or should I go?

68 replies

WitchSpace · 18/01/2022 19:16

I'm with a man who I'm totally in love with. He says he loves me too and shows it all the time.
We've been together almost 2 years and he says that he's on the point of either asking me to marry him or to split up- big difference!!
He says he loves me, I'm the best partner he's ever had. His daughter adores me and I love her. His worry is that we have a lot of differences and he wonders if he was with someone more like him it might be easier.
He's a business person and in tech and I'm an academic scientist.
I think that we work because where one of us is weaker, the other is stronger. He's my best friend.
He also says that because his body has gone through massive changes- he's now got a six pack and used to be chubby,he wonders what it would be like to be desirable and have women after him and kind of wishes he could play about.
He was married before and doesn't want to make a mistake again.

I want it to work and genuinely believe we are great together. What do I do? Carry on and wait? Try to convince him? Tell him to get lost? I don't know.
We talked about a break but I told him I wouldn't be sitting waiting on him once he was done screwing around. It made me rage a bit!

OP posts:
Indoorcamping · 18/01/2022 19:24

He sounds like a bit of a prick tbh.

RamonaLark · 18/01/2022 19:24

I’d tell him to get lost. How shallow. You’re worth more than that!

sassbott · 18/01/2022 19:25

I’m sorry to say but I’d cut him lose and let him go and explore whether the grass is greener. He’s all over the shop.

He could propose? But he could decide to dump you?
He wants someone in his line of work
He’s in better shape physically and wants to shag about because he has a 6 pack.

Tell him to sling his hook. Go off an explore the world. And if he decides he’s made a colossal mistake then it’s down to you to decide whether you take him back. There is absolutely no way I would choose someone who wasn’t sure whether they wanted to be with me.

Cocopogo · 18/01/2022 19:28

You know he’s playing you right?

Thingsdogetbetter · 18/01/2022 19:28

Seriously??? I have never seen a post where "fuck off you toser wanker asehole prick" is a more apt response.

How fucking dare he!!!

Cismyfatarse · 18/01/2022 19:29

So you are good enough when he is chubby but you stay with him in spite of that and he will consider dumping you in case the grass is greener.

Dump him.

BHX3000 · 18/01/2022 19:29

he wonders what it would be like to be desirable and have women after him and kind of wishes he could play about

I was like ok, this doesn't sound too bad, until I read this!!!

I'd tell him to get lost and go play about all he likes. Have some self-respect OP, if not for yourself, for women as a whole.

TheFoundation · 18/01/2022 19:31

he says that he's on the point of either asking me to marry him or to split up

When somebody loves you, they will want to engender a sense of security for both of you within the relationship, so that you both feel safe.

he wonders what it would be like to be desirable and have women after him and kind of wishes he could play about

When somebody loves you, they want you to feel security, which means they don't talk about how they might be interested in other people, if you're in a committed relationship together.

He doesn't love you. He might think he does, but it looks a lot like he's emotionally dim enough to not actually know what love is.

ProudThrilledHappy · 18/01/2022 19:31

Sounds like he has already checked out OP. Talking about wanting to see if he is desirable to other women and thinking he should be with someone more like him… he is trialling letting you down but leaving you on the hook with the suggestion of marriage in case his search doesn’t work out.

Do you really want to be his sexual safety net / fallback partner?

GooglyPenguin · 18/01/2022 19:36

@BHX3000

he wonders what it would be like to be desirable and have women after him and kind of wishes he could play about

I was like ok, this doesn't sound too bad, until I read this!!!

I'd tell him to get lost and go play about all he likes. Have some self-respect OP, if not for yourself, for women as a whole.

Fucking amen to this
Lena18 · 18/01/2022 19:37

Op you deserve so my more than this!!! This man has overhauled his image and is actually telling you he quite fancies testing the waters to see if he attracts someone else now he's more desirable. He might have better looks now but sounds as though it's his personality that needs an over haul.

Those statements from him can't make you feel very good. You should be with someone makes you feel like a million dollars. Someone who builds your confidence. Someone who is as sure of you as you are them ..Someone that wants to invest as much time into you as you do them and their dd.

Do not wait for this man. The right man will never make you wonder where you stand.

Yebbie · 18/01/2022 19:38

I hope this isn't real, please raise your standards and don't let men treat you like this. It so irks me when these arrogant twats get away with treating women like this.

BitOutOfPractice · 18/01/2022 19:43

Never has this quote been more apt:

“Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.”

Sunnytwobridges · 18/01/2022 19:45

When I started dating I was about 50lbs overweight. I was with my first BF and had never dated before because no one was attracted to me. I lost all that weight and I never once thought "Oh let me break up with this great guy, so I can experience what it's like to be desirable to multiple other men." What I realized that my BF at the time loved me for ME - big or small and there was no way I was giving him up for that. Which truly never crossed my mind after I lost the weight.

So, your BF is an absolute prick and I dont' know if I could stay with him after a comment like that.

User0ne · 18/01/2022 19:47

What. A. Knob.

Ditch him and either get one with a decent person attached or one of those lovely plastic-electric jobbies. Much more reliable 😉

TooWicked · 18/01/2022 19:49

I’m sorry you’re in love with a massive bellend.

MadMadMadamMim · 18/01/2022 19:49

he wonders what it would be like to be desirable and have women after him and kind of wishes he could play about.

Yeah...I think he'll be wondering for a long time. Women don't generally put 'Wanker Wanted' on their top list of desirable attributes. Agree with @Indoorcamping who said He sounds like a bit of a prick tbh.

What exactly is it about him you are 'totally in love' with? Nothing you've written makes him sound appealing.

I'm in the tell him to fuck right off camp..

MadMadMadamMim · 18/01/2022 19:51

Also - and this would be my advice to women in general - if you have to start a thread with the title Should I stay or should I go? then the answer should always be GO.

If you are that unsure then there are serious problems in the relationship and it's not a goer.

bravegirl3 · 18/01/2022 19:52

No sorry he has no respect for you whatsoever.

What's he like as a father? I can't imagine he's great as he sounds very selfish. Possibly just using you to make it look like he had it all/free childcare.

Leave op, he is horrific.

Suzanne999 · 18/01/2022 19:53

Bloody hell, he sounds awful.
Insulting, shallow. I really can’t imagine why you’d want to stay with him.

Wantabub · 18/01/2022 19:54

@Indoorcamping

He sounds like a bit of a prick tbh.
Pretty much this...
blahblahx · 18/01/2022 19:56

What a gobshite he sounds

pictish · 18/01/2022 19:57

Try to convince him? Looky here…if you have to convince a man to build a future with you, he is not the right man. I wouldn’t try to convince anyone to stick it out with me. He should be delighted to.

It is difficult when you are so in love with someone but please save yourself the indignity of trying to talk him into it. Tell him to go.

Big hugs.

Lilymossflower · 18/01/2022 20:15

You need to get angry op, amp yourself up and Tell him to fuck the eff off.

XmasElf10 · 18/01/2022 20:19

Ha ha ha… off you fuck then!!!

That would be my reply. I got the rage just reading this. How very dare he. Tell him to take his 6 pack and get lost. It is FAR easier as a woman to find casual sex (if you want that) than as a man - even one with a 6 pack!!