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Original poster

Should I stay or should I go?

68 replies

WitchSpace · 18/01/2022 19:16

I'm with a man who I'm totally in love with. He says he loves me too and shows it all the time.
We've been together almost 2 years and he says that he's on the point of either asking me to marry him or to split up- big difference!!
He says he loves me, I'm the best partner he's ever had. His daughter adores me and I love her. His worry is that we have a lot of differences and he wonders if he was with someone more like him it might be easier.
He's a business person and in tech and I'm an academic scientist.
I think that we work because where one of us is weaker, the other is stronger. He's my best friend.
He also says that because his body has gone through massive changes- he's now got a six pack and used to be chubby,he wonders what it would be like to be desirable and have women after him and kind of wishes he could play about.
He was married before and doesn't want to make a mistake again.

I want it to work and genuinely believe we are great together. What do I do? Carry on and wait? Try to convince him? Tell him to get lost? I don't know.
We talked about a break but I told him I wouldn't be sitting waiting on him once he was done screwing around. It made me rage a bit!

OP posts:
scorpiogirly · 18/01/2022 20:23

Jesus. He's not a safe bet for marriage.

eagerlywaitingfor · 18/01/2022 20:24

he says that he's on the point of either asking me to marry him or to split up Why is he swinging between two opposite poles? Why does he want to make you feel so insecure in the relationship?

his worry is that we have a lot of differences Such as?

he wonders if he was with someone more like him it might be easier So he's not prepared to compromise or work on the differences then.

one of us is weaker, the other is stronger Let me guess...

he wonders what it would be like to be desirable and have women after him So it's not enough for him that you find him desirable?

and kind of wishes he could play about Why is he telling you that he'd like to shag other women?

I'm with a man who I'm totally in love with Bearing in mind all of the above, what exactly is it about him that you're in love with?

I want it to work I'm sure you do, but... why???

Bluebluemoon39 · 18/01/2022 20:25

Yuck, yuck, yuck.

What a wanker.

Goldandguns · 18/01/2022 20:36

He sounds like that psycho that killed his wife and 2 daughters so he could be with OW - since getting married he'd lost weight and was clearly feeling himself to think the grass was greener and he deserved better.
Dont even give him a chance to pick, tell him to pack up and leave ASAP, see where his 6 pack gets him.

billy1966 · 18/01/2022 20:40

@BitOutOfPractice

Never has this quote been more apt:

“Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.”

Absolutely this.

This hasn't a chance of working out as neither of you have a scrap of respect for YOU.

That he would actually say all this out loud and you are still with him speaks volumes about your complete lack of self respect for yourself.

It's a very sad read OP.

There is NO way he is into you, to have spoken to you like that.

Give your head a wobble, he's making an awful fool out of you.

You deserve better than this player.Flowers

FinallyHere · 18/01/2022 20:45

he says that he's on the point of either asking me to marry him or to split up

Oh please. I'm really sorry you are bing messed around like this. My younger self would say maybeeee if I try hard I can get him to 'pick me'.

Now, I say, take control of your life. He doesn't get to weigh up these options. You can decide to say goodbye.

He might come chasing after you with a ring. But hey, why would you accept this behaviour from him.

He already has a child and complications. You are lovely. He doesn't deserve you.

Find someone who wholeheartedly wants to be with you. Not someone who might, and might not. Self respect. Find yours.

Conspiracyornotr · 18/01/2022 20:47

I wouldn't wait for miracles go and life your life to full be happy. Xx u do what's best for you @WitchSpace

Celynfour · 18/01/2022 21:03

He is utterly full of himself . He may be proud of his efforts to improve his health and physique but that doesn’t give him a green light to suddenly feel better than you . Is he enjoying the anxiety inducing self absorbed ‘marry or dump’ that’s he’s bestowing on you ?
Please tell him to take his six pack and leave and find yourself a truly decent man .

MMmomDD · 18/01/2022 21:48

You set him free to explore his new found ‘attractiveness’. Because what women want is a six pack.

He is an idiot who doesn’t get it that you actually fell in love with him as a person - 6packless as he was.
He clearly needs to go and have lots of meaningless shallow encounters - he missed out on as a previously unattractive geek.

This really isn’t going to be any sort of happy ending. Sorry.

tiredofthisshit21 · 18/01/2022 22:03

Erm what did I just read? Go. Do it now. He's a cockwomble.

TheFoundation · 18/01/2022 22:07

@MadMadMadamMim

Also - and this would be my advice to women in general - if you have to start a thread with the title Should I stay or should I go? then the answer should always be GO.

If you are that unsure then there are serious problems in the relationship and it's not a goer.

Well said. The very fact you're asking the question indicates that you're looking for validation about your feelings in the relationship; in a healthy relationship, the validation comes from yourself and your partner. You'd never have to ask on a forum.
PinkSyCo · 18/01/2022 22:20

If he loved you he wouldn’t be having any desire to fuck about with other women. He also wouldn’t be fucking about with your mind like this-he doesn’t know whether to marry you or split up with you my arse! He’s an egotistical arsehole who has got you exactly where he wants you. He thinks he’s better than you just because he’s lost some weight. Get some self esteem and take the reins by dumping his sorry arse!

totallyoutnumbered · 18/01/2022 22:27

He sounds grim. You deserve significantly better. Being single is way more secure than the pathetic carrot he's dangling. I'd be rid in an instant OP

Momijin · 18/01/2022 22:31

Woah. I honestly can't believe that he said that. Even if he believed it, to actually say it and to actually say it to his girlfriend!!

OP, the choice for you is very clear. Leave him and don't look back. He is a prick.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 18/01/2022 22:36

He's my best friend.
He also says that because his body has gone through massive changes- he's now got a six pack and used to be chubby,he wonders what it would be like to be desirable and have women after him and kind of wishes he could play about.

I hate to tell you this mate but your 'best friend' is a cunt.

End this relationship.

And for the love of god double up on contraception until you do.

he says that he's on the point of either asking me to marry him or to split up

For future reference, someone with strong and sensible boundaries would hear this and immediately end the relationship.

The fact you say it as if it's potentially reasonable or normal in any way, and have stayed with him, giving him all the agency and power in this dynamic, indicates to me that you might not have strong enough boundaries or high enough expectations to be in a relationship right now.

I would break up with him and work on that before dating anyone again.

KurtWilde · 18/01/2022 22:42

Honestly he sounds awful, save yourself heartache further down the line when he decides to 'play around' and be done with him before he gets chance.

TotallyFloored · 18/01/2022 22:45

Dump him. Dump him now ! I can’t add anyyhing to what has been said by PPs unthread.

TurtleBackUp · 18/01/2022 22:45

What a bellend.

Tell him to fuck off and don't you dare do the pick me dance.

vavavoom123 · 18/01/2022 23:04

I honestly feel sorry for you if you think this is someone who loves you & shows it all the time

Pegsonstrings · 18/01/2022 23:18

Hold on a minute, he what? He has already had his head turned by saying stuff like this, and just because he has a six pack he feels like hen needs to explore his chances further? Is he 15? Seriously dump the man, he is setting seriously low example to his daughter as well, ask him what he would do if this was his daughter boyfriend saying this, dump dump dump

SkiingIsHeaven · 18/01/2022 23:24

Oh dear.

Ollylodge · 18/01/2022 23:24

Hey, I'm sorry to say this if he really loves you there would be no way he would treat you or even say the things he says. He obviously only loves one person and that be him. As hard as it may be I would move on he definitely does not deserve your love. I do wish you well in whatever decision you make.

Allsorts1 · 18/01/2022 23:28

I was with a man who said these sorts of things, he ended up having an affair and I left him. He’s spent the last almost 7 years trying to get me back (unsuccessfully I might add).

Cut this one loose OP! You won’t regret and he most likely will.

RedRec · 19/01/2022 00:23

@Thingsdogetbetter

Seriously??? I have never seen a post where "fuck off you toser wanker asehole prick" is a more apt response.

How fucking dare he!!!

Best response ever! Totally agree.
JeeezLouise · 19/01/2022 08:01

"Don't let the door hit you on the way out!"

Get rid of him.