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Original poster

To have never heard

67 replies

onewayoranother1 · 15/01/2022 19:32

My fiancé accidentally called me via WhatsApp from his Apple Watch. He was having a conversation with his male colleague about a time a few years ago at their Christmas party where a female colleague had invited him back to hers. He said how it would have been the perfect opportunity and how he wishes now that he would have. I feel so hurt by this conversation. AIBU to be upset about what my DP said.

OP posts:
trevthecat · 15/01/2022 19:34

Have you spoke to him about it?

Original poster
onewayoranother1 · 15/01/2022 19:42

@trevthecat

Have you spoke to him about it?
He first denied the conversation. Then finally admitted it said he didn't mean it ect. This is a woman who has always given me the cold shoulder when I've visited at work. Ignored me and only congratulated him when our child was born. Hearing him say how he wished he had slept with another woman was heartbreaking.
OP posts:
headunderthewater · 15/01/2022 19:45

I’m sorry you had to hear that.

Were you two dating at the time or was it before you?

Original poster
onewayoranother1 · 15/01/2022 19:47

@headunderthewater

I’m sorry you had to hear that.

Were you two dating at the time or was it before you?

We were dating at the time. He has cheated on the past and we had moved on from this but this has really brought it back for me and makes me think he will never change.
OP posts:
Ohyesiam · 15/01/2022 19:48

Well maybe part of him does wish he had, but it sounds like mostly bragging.
You are not on the scrap heap because he fancies other people. Human beings don’t work like that, he can love you and want other people.
He’sc made a commitment to you, had a child with you and he turned this other woman down.

I know we all want b to be the most beautiful woman in the world to our partners, but it would be hard to imagine how he could have sexual feelings for only one person in the world. Just keep reminding yourself that he turned you down.

Ohyesiam · 15/01/2022 19:48

Ok, just read your update about past cheating.

SallyGoLucky · 15/01/2022 19:50

@Ohyesiam

Well maybe part of him does wish he had, but it sounds like mostly bragging. You are not on the scrap heap because he fancies other people. Human beings don’t work like that, he can love you and want other people. He’sc made a commitment to you, had a child with you and he turned this other woman down.

I know we all want b to be the most beautiful woman in the world to our partners, but it would be hard to imagine how he could have sexual feelings for only one person in the world. Just keep reminding yourself that he turned you down.

Part of me understands this. I think it's fine to fancy others, as long as you don't act on it. But what's struck me most about this is the lack of respect he's showing his partner. This interaction was years ago, yet he's still talking about it, to other people.

The mother of his kids is at home and he's telling people he wish he had of cheated on her? Disgraceful if you ask me, whether he actually went through with it or not.

Original poster
onewayoranother1 · 15/01/2022 19:52

@Ohyesiam

Well maybe part of him does wish he had, but it sounds like mostly bragging. You are not on the scrap heap because he fancies other people. Human beings don’t work like that, he can love you and want other people. He’sc made a commitment to you, had a child with you and he turned this other woman down.

I know we all want b to be the most beautiful woman in the world to our partners, but it would be hard to imagine how he could have sexual feelings for only one person in the world. Just keep reminding yourself that he turned you down.

I never expect him not to fancy other people we are all human and we are all allowed to wish we had slept with people of course we are. I was never supposed to hear that conversation but because I did and because he has cheated on me previously not once but twice it's made me put my barriers up and I'm worried that he could potentially cheat again. I just feel unsure about marrying this man
OP posts:
TonkinLenkicks · 15/01/2022 19:52

If he thinks it’s okay to talk like that behind your back (or so he thought) then what else is he up to? Sorry if that stirs the pot but realistically he sounds like a slippery fish

Original poster
onewayoranother1 · 15/01/2022 19:54

@TonkinLenkicks

If he thinks it’s okay to talk like that behind your back (or so he thought) then what else is he up to? Sorry if that stirs the pot but realistically he sounds like a slippery fish
This is how I feel. The total lack of respect for me is what hurts too
OP posts:
miltonj · 15/01/2022 19:56

@Ohyesiam

Well maybe part of him does wish he had, but it sounds like mostly bragging. You are not on the scrap heap because he fancies other people. Human beings don’t work like that, he can love you and want other people. He’sc made a commitment to you, had a child with you and he turned this other woman down.

I know we all want b to be the most beautiful woman in the world to our partners, but it would be hard to imagine how he could have sexual feelings for only one person in the world. Just keep reminding yourself that he turned you down.

Absolute trash advice.
DickMabutt73962 · 15/01/2022 20:02

God usually when I've been accidentally dialled I hear a lot of nothing, what a conversation to have stumbled upon

Original poster
onewayoranother1 · 15/01/2022 20:04

@DickMabutt73962

God usually when I've been accidentally dialled I hear a lot of nothing, what a conversation to have stumbled upon
This is what I was thinking. We are due to get married soon. I feel as if I was meant to hear that conversation. (I know that's so stupid to think)
OP posts:
Fiveletters · 15/01/2022 20:12

I’m not sure if I’m wrong (and it’s not really the point) but I don’t think you can make a whatsapp call on an Apple Watch (you can’t on mine).

I would hate to live a life of constant insecurity because of previous infidelity.

Original poster
onewayoranother1 · 15/01/2022 20:16

@Fiveletters

I’m not sure if I’m wrong (and it’s not really the point) but I don’t think you can make a whatsapp call on an Apple Watch (you can’t on mine).

I would hate to live a life of constant insecurity because of previous infidelity.

It was definitely a WhatsApp call he had replied to a message I sent him via his watch and then a second later a call came through. I was saying hello and that's when I heard the conversation. Word for word.
OP posts:
StopStartStop · 15/01/2022 20:16

To be fair, you'd be best-advised not to marry him, and to run like hell. See this as your escape route, and take it.

Original poster
onewayoranother1 · 15/01/2022 20:18

@StopStartStop

To be fair, you'd be best-advised not to marry him, and to run like hell. See this as your escape route, and take it.
Honestly right now this is genuinely how I feel. Every so many months something little comes to light. This was the icing on the cake I feel.
OP posts:
spotcheck · 15/01/2022 20:19

@ohyesiam

Nah

It's a disloyal act to brag to someone else to say he wishes he had slept with someone else. How is that respectful to his partner?

Original poster
onewayoranother1 · 15/01/2022 20:20

[quote spotcheck]@ohyesiam

Nah

It's a disloyal act to brag to someone else to say he wishes he had slept with someone else. How is that respectful to his partner?[/quote]
This is how I feel. The lack of respect for me speaks volumes

OP posts:
Bluebluemoon39 · 15/01/2022 20:21

What an arsehole - of course YANBU - I'd go fucking apeshit.

Regularsizedrudy · 15/01/2022 20:22

He’s a cheat and clearly hasn’t changed. He’s always going to on the look out for someone else. I’d end it.

Original poster
onewayoranother1 · 15/01/2022 20:23

@Bluebluemoon39

What an arsehole - of course YANBU - I'd go fucking apeshit.
We haven't spoken for a few days. He came back with a box of flowers saying sorry. Do men really think cheap flowers will solve everything)?
OP posts:
Original poster
onewayoranother1 · 15/01/2022 20:23

@Regularsizedrudy

He’s a cheat and clearly hasn’t changed. He’s always going to on the look out for someone else. I’d end it.
This is exactly what my head is telling me to do!
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billy1966 · 15/01/2022 20:26

Christ but I would dream of marrying him.

He's cheated a couple of times and you overheard that?

Be glad.

Do not marry this cheating waster.

You deserve so much better.

He sounds like scum.

Original poster
onewayoranother1 · 15/01/2022 20:29

@billy1966

Christ but I would dream of marrying him.

He's cheated a couple of times and you overheard that?

Be glad.

Do not marry this cheating waster.

You deserve so much better.

He sounds like scum.

This is how I feel. He thinks I'm being unreasonable and he was just bragging with his mate saying stuff he didn't mean. I never expected to hear that conversation but I did. Now my only thoughts are if she tried it again would he turn her down. Probably not.
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