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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

To have never heard

67 replies

onewayoranother1 · 15/01/2022 19:32

My fiancé accidentally called me via WhatsApp from his Apple Watch. He was having a conversation with his male colleague about a time a few years ago at their Christmas party where a female colleague had invited him back to hers. He said how it would have been the perfect opportunity and how he wishes now that he would have. I feel so hurt by this conversation. AIBU to be upset about what my DP said.

OP posts:
billy1966 · 15/01/2022 20:35

OP,
Listen to your gut.

You are TOO GOOD for this waster.

Simple as that.

This is a giftFlowers

ShroomCuppaSoup · 15/01/2022 20:36

The total lack of respect for me is what hurts too

Given he’s cheated on you twice, all evidence suggests this this man does not respect you at all.

Original poster
onewayoranother1 · 15/01/2022 20:37

@billy1966

OP, Listen to your gut.

You are TOO GOOD for this waster.

Simple as that.

This is a giftFlowers

Thank you I agree
OP posts:
Original poster
onewayoranother1 · 15/01/2022 20:38

@ShroomCuppaSoup

The total lack of respect for me is what hurts too

Given he’s cheated on you twice, all evidence suggests this this man does not respect you at all.

Exactly, thank you
OP posts:
RandomMess · 15/01/2022 20:40

I wouldn't want to be with someone so sleazy that they have to brag about conquests or opportunities

Original poster
onewayoranother1 · 15/01/2022 20:42

@RandomMess

I wouldn't want to be with someone so sleazy that they have to brag about conquests or opportunities
This is exactly how I'm feeling right now.
OP posts:
Woofwoofbarkbark · 15/01/2022 20:43

Of all the times to accidentally ring your girlfriend! Did he want you to hear it?
If he's cheated before I'm not surprised you're worried.

Original poster
onewayoranother1 · 15/01/2022 20:46

@Woofwoofbarkbark

Of all the times to accidentally ring your girlfriend! Did he want you to hear it? If he's cheated before I'm not surprised you're worried.
Trust me I couldn't make it up. When I answered the call I was honestly shocked. Of all the conversations I could hear it was that one.
OP posts:
Woofwoofbarkbark · 15/01/2022 20:48

I don't think you're making it up! Don't worry.
Did he know you were on the other end? How did he discover you heard?

Original poster
onewayoranother1 · 15/01/2022 20:50

@Woofwoofbarkbark

I don't think you're making it up! Don't worry. Did he know you were on the other end? How did he discover you heard?
I listened for as long as I could then ended the call and called him straight back. I recited the whole conversation back to him. He said " what are you interested about" I was crying by this point he said he was sorry. He was joking with his mate and he didn't mean it ect.
OP posts:
RandomMess · 15/01/2022 20:50

TBH the only reason I would go through with the marriage is to bide my time before divorcing if it would be financially advantageous seeing as though you already have a child together.

If you cohabit directly before marriage and especially as you have a child that all counts towards it not being a short marriage. It would be a basic registry office so as well!

Otherwise I'd ditch him.

1forAll74 · 15/01/2022 21:09

Don't be silly, its was ages ago, and just fanciful man talk to another man.

Woofwoofbarkbark · 15/01/2022 21:12

Oh, it must have been awful to hear and I can imagine feeling very down afterwards, especially after his past.

All you can do is learn to move on from it or leave. Neither easy. And I'm sorry I can't be more help! Good luck. X

Pinkbonbon · 15/01/2022 21:15

Oh gosh. Op life has thrown you an opportunity to see this cold bastard for what he really is. Don't marry him. Even his response to you when you said you had heard is chilling. Get out of this relationship. Don't accept a lifetime of misery. Run.

Bobonelove · 15/01/2022 21:24

I think its disgusting it would make want to run!!

User2638483 · 15/01/2022 21:29

I’m not sure why you’re surprised by his attitude when he has cheated before

Original poster
onewayoranother1 · 15/01/2022 21:33

@Woofwoofbarkbark

Oh, it must have been awful to hear and I can imagine feeling very down afterwards, especially after his past.

All you can do is learn to move on from it or leave. Neither easy. And I'm sorry I can't be more help! Good luck. X

Thank you xx
OP posts:
Original poster
onewayoranother1 · 15/01/2022 21:33

@Pinkbonbon

Oh gosh. Op life has thrown you an opportunity to see this cold bastard for what he really is. Don't marry him. Even his response to you when you said you had heard is chilling. Get out of this relationship. Don't accept a lifetime of misery. Run.
With his past this is why I feel like leaving
OP posts:
WonderfulYou · 15/01/2022 21:35

Do he could have cheated with her but didn’t?

I would be so upset by this conversation but it sounds like he was just venting/showing off in front of his mate.

Give yourself some time and have some space from before making any big decisions. But If your gut is telling you not to marry him then I think your decisions been made.

Original poster
onewayoranother1 · 15/01/2022 21:37

@User2638483

I’m not sure why you’re surprised by his attitude when he has cheated before
Because he cheated at the start of our relationship quite early on. I thought I had forgiven him but this has brought it all back
OP posts:
Philly1234 · 15/01/2022 21:38

I honestly feel you’re setting yourself up for a lifetime of insecurity if you marry this man. To have had to work through not one but two of his infidelities and you’re not yet even married, pfffft. He’s a massive risk op.

Original poster
onewayoranother1 · 15/01/2022 21:38

@WonderfulYou

Do he could have cheated with her but didn’t?

I would be so upset by this conversation but it sounds like he was just venting/showing off in front of his mate.

Give yourself some time and have some space from before making any big decisions. But If your gut is telling you not to marry him then I think your decisions been made.

Thank you. I feel because of issues in our past this has brought everything back up. I'm just lost on what I want to do. I feel as if I was meant to hear that conversation.
OP posts:
Original poster
onewayoranother1 · 15/01/2022 21:39

@Philly1234

I honestly feel you’re setting yourself up for a lifetime of insecurity if you marry this man. To have had to work through not one but two of his infidelities and you’re not yet even married, pfffft. He’s a massive risk op.
This right here. This is my worry. I can't live like this forever. Worrying about when he will cheat again.
OP posts:
VioletLemon · 15/01/2022 21:45

If you really feel deep down that this man is being disrespectful then don't marry him. Why set yourself up for a life of unhappiness and accepting that your self esteem will suffer throughout? I know it's hard but if I was you I'd get out now and move on. Reclaim your self respect and find someone who cares about you and is kind and loyal. Just move on.

MsDogLady · 15/01/2022 22:23

He said how it would have been the perfect opportunity and how he wishes now that he would have.

He first denied the conversation.

He cheated twice and laments not jumping at his 3rd opportunity.

He made an utter mockery of you during the conversation with his colleague.

OP, this man is a shit Partner and Father. You would be very foolish to stay with/marry him.

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