Will there be a second date??

[Hmummy97]

I've been speaking to a guy for the last 2 weeks, the texting has been going really well. It all started on NYE where we actually ended up hooking up (he is someone I've known for a long time, got a bit drunk and we were really hitting it off). The next day he asked if he could take me out sometime so we ended up going on a date the following week, again this date went really well, had a great time and he told me he did too. And we've been speaking every day since.
I'm just now wondering, when does date number 2 normally get thrown out in the dating game?? It's been a while for me so I just don't know what's to be expected. I would have thought he would have set a date by now! He's talking to me every day, pretty much all day and has made little comments about seeing eachother like at events we are both invited to go to, but hasn't actually mentioned a date number 2. Could it be that he's just not wanting to date me again? Am I reading into it too much?

@scoobydoo1971

Don't ask him out. You are laying a path where you do the work in any future relationship and settle for his crumbs of attention. Of the men I have had serious relationships, most tunnelled their way through my front door with a pneumatic drill and made it clear they were interested/ wanted dates. They were persistent. Don't be a plan B for him. Don't appear keen and don't jump at his first offer to go out. That is not gaming playing or following 'the rules'. It is about showing him you are a strong independent woman with a life outside him.

One hundred percent

You’d have thought there was a penis shortage from the desperation on this thread

@Suprima hahaha your comment is brilliant 😂
Yes I 100% won't be asking. Quite tempted to "ghost" him now as they say, just a bit difficult as we have a lot of mutual friends and I'm likely to bump into him again a lot. Ive realised now I probably am just a "bang" for him. That may be my own fault for putting out, but I fancied and trusted the guy so I have no regrets, it was fun whilst it lasted!!!

Finding the responses on this thread kind of fascinating - I guess it comes down to whether or not you want to feel ‘chased’. If he expects a girl he’s keen on to show a bit more interest than you have - which would be pretty normal amongst my fiends these days - and you want to feel chased then you’re not a good match 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Trippingslippingx1 I’d rather show someone I was a strong independent woman by communicating what I wanted but… I suppose that’s just me out here being a unmarrriageable lefty feminist

Another vote for don’t ask him out! It’s early days, make him work for you. Especially since you’ve already slept together. Now is a good time to get him jumping through a few hoops. It keeps men on their toes and they enjoy it really!

I wouldn't ask him out. Poor thing he's afraid to ask you out coz he's been hurt before bla bla bla! If he wants a date with you or anyone else for that matter he's going to have to ask.

Personally he sounds flakey and dull. You can do better stop accepting crumbs.

I am a strong independent feminist as well but you canot take away hundreds of years of fhe patriachy and male socialisation

No don’t chase him.
Him asking you to tag along on his mates night out is an insult.

@callingon

Finding the responses on this thread kind of fascinating - I guess it comes down to whether or not you want to feel ‘chased’. If he expects a girl he’s keen on to show a bit more interest than you have - which would be pretty normal amongst my fiends these days - and you want to feel chased then you’re not a good match 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think the days of men “ chasing “, are long gone, maybe some of the posters on this thread live in the 1950’s still ?

You’d have thought there was a penis shortage from the desperation on this thread

For lots of men OLD has ensured the Vagina is in plentiful supply, so why chase one, when you can just chat to another one.

@Pky45 it’s actually about having boundaries and self respect, I get annoyed with the 1950s insinuation tbh.
In early dating, it’s about making sure you’re not just ‘another vagina’
When a man shows effort, asks to meet up, shows he’s keen, that means he does like you and probably isn’t focused on getting with other women. You’re a priority because he’s making you one.
It protects you from

• the lazy man who can’t be arsed
• the man who just wants a hook up ASAP
• the serial texter who never wants to meet
• the man who has a relationship but you’re always doing all the work and he’s as romantic as a plank of wood

And many many more unsavoury types! It’s the antithesis of being a 1950s woman. It’s self protection and valuing yourself enough to sort the good from the bad by letting them show you who they are early on and not wasting your precious time! In my very extensive dating history, amongst my female relatives, friends and every mumsnet post of this type, text chasing a man in these early dating days leads to anxiety and rejection. As a strong, busy, secure woman i’d rather avoid all of the above thanks (not that I date anymore - am married) This is about the early dates btw, of course, when you’re secure knowing someone likes you, is exclusive and you’re in a relationship then it’s 50/50 all the way.

[quote Dreamsofholidays78]@Pky45 it’s actually about having boundaries and self respect, I get annoyed with the 1950s insinuation tbh.
In early dating, it’s about making sure you’re not just ‘another vagina’
When a man shows effort, asks to meet up, shows he’s keen, that means he does like you and probably isn’t focused on getting with other women. You’re a priority because he’s making you one.
It protects you from

• the lazy man who can’t be arsed
• the man who just wants a hook up ASAP
• the serial texter who never wants to meet
• the man who has a relationship but you’re always doing all the work and he’s as romantic as a plank of wood

And many many more unsavoury types! It’s the antithesis of being a 1950s woman. It’s self protection and valuing yourself enough to sort the good from the bad by letting them show you who they are early on and not wasting your precious time! In my very extensive dating history, amongst my female relatives, friends and every mumsnet post of this type, text chasing a man in these early dating days leads to anxiety and rejection. As a strong, busy, secure woman i’d rather avoid all of the above thanks (not that I date anymore - am married) This is about the early dates btw, of course, when you’re secure knowing someone likes you, is exclusive and you’re in a relationship then it’s 50/50 all the way.[/quote] This is amazing and spot on Any guy I ended up ‘chasing’ (even though it was not really desperation it was more the odd message just to meet up) - they were always lying about not being in a relationship, emotionally unavailable or another unsavoury type. I always manage to work it out after 5/6 weeks so never alot of time wasted but I feel they do manage to lead on woman for allot longer (knew one who had a year of it)

@Dreamsofholidays78
Interesting response,
What would you say to this person, who seems to think it’s okay to treat people like trained zoo animals ? surely such silly games wouldn’t come from secure people?

Now is a good time to get him jumping through a few hoops. It keeps men on their toes and they enjoy it really!

[quote Pky45]@Dreamsofholidays78
Interesting response,
What would you say to this person, who seems to think it’s okay to treat people like trained zoo animals ? surely such silly games wouldn’t come from secure people?

Now is a good time to get him jumping through a few hoops. It keeps men on their toes and they enjoy it really![/quote]
I certainly didn’t play games. I was busy and focused on my life and let those who wanted to make the effort come to me, no time for playing games! It isn’t a game when it’s just who you are and how you behave normally

I think the days of men “ chasing “, are long gone, maybe some of the posters on this thread live in the 1950’s still ?

Men chase women they consider to be the very best they can get. Just be patient. One day someone will like you. 🤗

[quote callingon]@Trippingslippingx1 I’d rather show someone I was a strong independent woman by communicating what I wanted but… I suppose that’s just me out here being a unmarrriageable lefty feminist[/quote]
There’s nothing feminist about communicating with a man who clearly sees you as a shag and isn’t very interested in you.

Liberal feminism has in many ways led to lazy and misogynistic men who think they have an abundance of choice despite having dad bods and washing their hair with shower gel.

The real feminist move is to build a life beautiful enough and enjoyable enough without a mediocre man- that you don’t need to chase them or CoMmUnIcATe. A worthy bloke will demonstrate the value he will add to your life and you will never be confused.

@Suprima totally agree.

It will take decades to out do the issues with society and male socialisation - no point at all in trying to explain to a stupid male.

I observe, vet their behaviour and if it is not upto my standard I leave without any explanation whatsoever. Hard ghost and block.

I have no time whatsoever to coddle man children who have no respect for woman in general - let alone me. They know full well how to court a woman they are not stupid.

Liberal feminism has in many ways led to lazy and misogynistic men who think they have an abundance of choice despite having dad bods and washing their hair with shower gel.

Not really sure how to read this comment, if the meaning is the you should dump any man with a dad bod, you should be ashamed of yourself, now you are really being shallow,

@Abbo552

Liberal feminism has in many ways led to lazy and misogynistic men who think they have an abundance of choice despite having dad bods and washing their hair with shower gel.

Not really sure how to read this comment, if the meaning is the you should dump any man with a dad bod, you should be ashamed of yourself, now you are really being shallow,

Oh, I’m not to dump them- I’m not going to go out with them in the first place

@Abbo552

Liberal feminism has in many ways led to lazy and misogynistic men who think they have an abundance of choice despite having dad bods and washing their hair with shower gel.

Not really sure how to read this comment, if the meaning is the you should dump any man with a dad bod, you should be ashamed of yourself, now you are really being shallow,

And no, I don’t feel ashamed with myself that 5/10 of body and mind blokes are scrolling through tinder thinking they are hot shit- using women for sex, wasting women’s time and contributing nothing to the relationships they do establish.

You need to change your complete worldview if you are outraged about me being shallow to these absolute users. They don’t care about our feelings and you shouldn’t either

So if you’re saying that fat people (like me), are not worth dating?

@Abbo552

So if you’re saying that fat people (like me), are not worth dating?

Are you also a lazy man who tries to use women for sex and emotional support, and wouldn’t even buy her a coffee if you were grabbing one together?

Oh, I’m not to dump them- I’m not going to go out with them in the first place

Not all of us are super models with fit blokes falling at our feet, that might well be your experience in life but , I think your just being rude and projecting what you think on others now.

In defence of @Suprima I think she just meant that some men act as if they are gods gift to women, giving them the arrogance to think they can have their pick and treat women badly.
No one truly minds a dad bod 🙃