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Original poster

Will there be a second date??

75 replies

Hmummy97 · 14/01/2022 21:18

I've been speaking to a guy for the last 2 weeks, the texting has been going really well. It all started on NYE where we actually ended up hooking up (he is someone I've known for a long time, got a bit drunk and we were really hitting it off). The next day he asked if he could take me out sometime so we ended up going on a date the following week, again this date went really well, had a great time and he told me he did too. And we've been speaking every day since.
I'm just now wondering, when does date number 2 normally get thrown out in the dating game?? It's been a while for me so I just don't know what's to be expected. I would have thought he would have set a date by now! He's talking to me every day, pretty much all day and has made little comments about seeing eachother like at events we are both invited to go to, but hasn't actually mentioned a date number 2. Could it be that he's just not wanting to date me again? Am I reading into it too much?

OP posts:
takeanotherchillpill · 14/01/2022 21:21

You could ask him?

mug2018 · 14/01/2022 21:22

Why don't you just ask him if he fancies going out for a lunch / dinner with you. You'll then know and won't need to wonder

PinkFizz1 · 14/01/2022 21:26

He might be waiting for you to ask him. He arranged the first one.

Fatherliamdeliverance · 14/01/2022 21:58

Just ask him! Suggest an actual plan and date rather than a vague 'we should have a drink some time'. This way you will know from his answer what's what.

Lacedwithgrace · 14/01/2022 22:00

Ask if he's free this weekend and if he is ask if he'd like to go for a drink/dinner/whatever. Don't overthink it, just keep it casual

WatieKatie · 14/01/2022 22:08

I would just ask if he fancied meeting for a coffee or drink over the weekend, assuming you haven’t any plans. His response will tell you whether he is interested.

layladomino · 15/01/2022 09:13

Suggest somewhere for the 2nd date! Why would you wait? What are you waiting for?

And please say it isn't some old-fashioed notion that men have to do the running / show they're keen / pay for dates etc.

Because the reasoning behind those traditions has past, and if you want an 'old fashioned' man / relationshiop then you'll also have to accept being the lower earner / waiting for him to propose wven thought you want to marry / letting him make the big decisions/ doing all the housework and childcare.

I know those things are WAY in the future, but the principle starts in the same place. A good relationship is a balance of 2 equal adults, with mutual respect and importance in the relationship. And that starts on day 1. Be you. If you want a date, ask him on the date.

Rant over Smile

SarahDarah · 15/01/2022 17:14

Of course as things progress you'd naturally suggest dates but this is only the second date! If he's not keen now and taking initiative to show he likes you, when will he?

From experience, and being from a family of men, if a guy is keen on you, he will always suggest a second date quickly because he really wants to see the woman again and wants to show her that he likes her. I'd ignore the other posts suggesting you should chase him. This is the point you sort commitmentphobic men from the good guys and is the reason why SO many women waste precious time with the wrong men yet other women seem "lucky" with guys. The women who are "lucky" with men are simply the ones who know their own worth and got rid of the lukewarm men from the start, freeing them to find good guys. You've reciprocated by replying to his messages and told him you had a good time on the first date so he already knows well enough that's your interested in him. It's not like you went cold on him.

Unfortunately it looks like he was only after one thing so once you hooked up,he's lost most of his interest in you but is throwing you enough crumbs to keep you hooked , until later in the future he finds a woman he really wants to be with.

Keep dating others and don't invest any more time in him if this continues for another week @Hmummy97

bongobingo43 · 15/01/2022 17:16

How long ago was the first date OP?

ElectraBlue · 15/01/2022 18:55

There are two possibilities here:

  • he might be expecting you to make the next move and suggest date number 2
  • he got what he wanted when you hooked up and only see you as something casual and does not want to start dating you regularly to avoid giving you the wrong impression.

Try to suggest a second date. He will either be enthusiastic or will keep being vague and you will have your answer.

JenniferAlisonPhilippaSue · 15/01/2022 18:59

Sorry if this sounds harsh but if he wanted to see you then he would see you. You have become friends with benefits.

Original poster
Hmummy97 · 15/01/2022 19:15

Thank you so much for your responses!! Really appreciate it.
I agree @SarahDarah @ElectraBlue @JenniferAlisonPhilippaSue I'm thinking he just thinks we are something casual now. A shame really cos I felt like and feel like we are hitting it off from our conversations, and he has been messaging/voice noting a lot. Probably just keeping me as a back up option.
Do you think I should dial back now then and stop responding so much? I feel a bit of a mug now 🤦🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
Original poster
Hmummy97 · 15/01/2022 19:15

@bongobingo43

How long ago was the first date OP?
First date was last Friday x
OP posts:
LondonWolf · 15/01/2022 19:23

@SarahDarah

Of course as things progress you'd naturally suggest dates but this is only the second date! If he's not keen now and taking initiative to show he likes you, when will he?

From experience, and being from a family of men, if a guy is keen on you, he will always suggest a second date quickly because he really wants to see the woman again and wants to show her that he likes her. I'd ignore the other posts suggesting you should chase him. This is the point you sort commitmentphobic men from the good guys and is the reason why SO many women waste precious time with the wrong men yet other women seem "lucky" with guys. The women who are "lucky" with men are simply the ones who know their own worth and got rid of the lukewarm men from the start, freeing them to find good guys. You've reciprocated by replying to his messages and told him you had a good time on the first date so he already knows well enough that's your interested in him. It's not like you went cold on him.

Unfortunately it looks like he was only after one thing so once you hooked up,he's lost most of his interest in you but is throwing you enough crumbs to keep you hooked , until later in the future he finds a woman he really wants to be with.

Keep dating others and don't invest any more time in him if this continues for another week @Hmummy97

This is really good advice.
Bringmeadog · 15/01/2022 19:27

If he wanted to see you again he would have asked by now.
Yes, women and men are equal blah blah blah, but if a man likes you he will put the effort in.
If you do the running, your value will drop (and he’s not that keen in the first place) unless there is a massive drip feed about how he’s incredibly shy, in his 40’s and never dated before due to being too ‘anxious’ etc……

LondonWolf · 15/01/2022 19:29

@Hmummy97

Thank you so much for your responses!! Really appreciate it. I agree *@SarahDarah* *@ElectraBlue* *@JenniferAlisonPhilippaSue* I'm thinking he just thinks we are something casual now. A shame really cos I felt like and feel like we are hitting it off from our conversations, and he has been messaging/voice noting a lot. Probably just keeping me as a back up option. Do you think I should dial back now then and stop responding so much? I feel a bit of a mug now 🤦🏼‍♀️
Cool off contact right now. Don’t let it slip into being casual/FWB type situation. If it was only a week ago you may have time to make him sit up and think “actually I really like this girl, I need to arrange something because it looks like she’s losing interest” OR he will just let it slip away. Either way you win 😊
Pinkbonbon · 15/01/2022 19:32

Just be aware of people who want to monopolise your time view constant talking. It can be a sign of a narcissist who wants constant attention or a controlling personality. I would start putting some boundaries in place op. It is not healthy to talk this much with someone who doesn't seem interested in moving forwards ahd arranging dates. Be less available with your time.

Pinkbonbon · 15/01/2022 19:32

*via not view

Original poster
Hmummy97 · 15/01/2022 19:35

@Pinkbonbon

Just be aware of people who want to monopolise your time view constant talking. It can be a sign of a narcissist who wants constant attention or a controlling personality. I would start putting some boundaries in place op. It is not healthy to talk this much with someone who doesn't seem interested in moving forwards ahd arranging dates. Be less available with your time.
This is really helpful, thank you xx
OP posts:
Mermaidwaves · 15/01/2022 19:46

I agree with those saying to cool off, if he's being vague about a second date he's not that bothered. Lots of men are good at leading us to believe they are keen but unless they want to spend actual time with you then IMO it doesn't really count. Messaging is quick and easy and can be done with multiple women, it's pretty meaningless.

Original poster
Hmummy97 · 16/01/2022 13:41

Update - so he keeps "hinting" at dates, mentioning hypothetical dates etc for example "we'll do this on the next date", but yet to set a date up? 🤦🏼‍♀️
As other posters have said, I really don't want to do the chasing and I've had bad relationships in the past and want to know for sure someone is truly into me. It's a tough one.

OP posts:
ladygracie · 16/01/2022 13:44

I haven’t read it all yet, sorry. Just wanted to offer an alternative perspective. I have no money at all this month. Next month will be fine. I just overspent at Christmas. I can’t afford to do anything, even a coffee. So wouldn’t have suggested going out but definitely wouldn’t want to admit that I have no money. Just wondered if it could be that.

Aquamarine1029 · 16/01/2022 13:46

Update - so he keeps "hinting" at dates, mentioning hypothetical dates etc for example "we'll do this on the next date", but yet to set a date up?

This flakiness would be a huge turn-off for me. I like men who know what they want and are direct about it.

onedayoranother · 16/01/2022 13:49

Next time he says : 'we can do this on the next date' then I would say 'I'm free next Sunday'. If he then back tracks, then you know he's all talk. If he says 'great I'll book it', then you can decide afterwards if he's worth it.

Original poster
Hmummy97 · 16/01/2022 15:27

@ladygracie

I haven’t read it all yet, sorry. Just wanted to offer an alternative perspective. I have no money at all this month. Next month will be fine. I just overspent at Christmas. I can’t afford to do anything, even a coffee. So wouldn’t have suggested going out but definitely wouldn’t want to admit that I have no money. Just wondered if it could be that.
Yes this is a good point. Although he was out with his mates the other night, which funnily enough he told me to join. I declined though because it made me feel a bit of a bootycall 🤦🏼‍♀️
OP posts: