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Original poster

Will there be a second date??

75 replies

Hmummy97 · 14/01/2022 21:18

I've been speaking to a guy for the last 2 weeks, the texting has been going really well. It all started on NYE where we actually ended up hooking up (he is someone I've known for a long time, got a bit drunk and we were really hitting it off). The next day he asked if he could take me out sometime so we ended up going on a date the following week, again this date went really well, had a great time and he told me he did too. And we've been speaking every day since.
I'm just now wondering, when does date number 2 normally get thrown out in the dating game?? It's been a while for me so I just don't know what's to be expected. I would have thought he would have set a date by now! He's talking to me every day, pretty much all day and has made little comments about seeing eachother like at events we are both invited to go to, but hasn't actually mentioned a date number 2. Could it be that he's just not wanting to date me again? Am I reading into it too much?

OP posts:
Sonaftersonafterson · 16/01/2022 15:34

Christ. Seriously?? He sounds keen, messages you a lot AND has invited you out with his mates, which you declined.

He probably thinks you aren't that into him. Talk about making things complicated!!! My opinion, you're about to ruin this before its even begun.

Yummypumpkin · 16/01/2022 15:39

He sounds lazy.

Incredibly lazy.

NoVaxDjokovic · 16/01/2022 15:43

And what if he doesn’t want to do the chasing or has had bad relationships in the past?

Just ask him out for fucks sake.

Suprima · 16/01/2022 15:46

@Hmummy97 - that was definitely a booty call. Shouldn’t that have told you everything?

If he wanted to go out with you again he would have asked. He is monopolising your time over texting to keep you dangling and as an ego boost.

Stop being available for him.

Mermaidwaves · 16/01/2022 15:51

I wouldn't be happy with a last minute invitation to join him and his mates, I think you were right to decline. At this stage I would expect a bit of effort, it doesnt have to be fancy or expensive, a simple coffee somewhere scenic would do, but one on one, not as an add on with his mates.

dopple · 16/01/2022 16:22

Doesn't sound that interested, an invite out to tag along with his mates, he probably knew you'd decline that. Sack him off, if he can't arrange a simple date with just you then he's not worth it. Keep your options open.

Lostoldusername · 16/01/2022 16:52

Maybe he feels that he is dropping the hints but as you've not asked him on a 2nd date, you aren't keen. Surely if he wasn't, then a) he wouldn't keep messaging and b) he wouldn't drop hints.

Just ask him! "Are you free next xyz? If so, shall we put it in the diary for our 2nd date?!"

MintyGreenDream · 16/01/2022 16:54

Me and dh had our second date 3 days after our first just ask him!

callingon · 16/01/2022 17:07

omg just ask him out. If he flakes out when you give him a specific time and date then, yes, I would assume he’s not interested and stop contacting him. There’s plenty of men who will enthusiastically arrange a 2nd/3rd/4th date only to ghost you so I don’t really agree with previous posters. I just don’t think it’s worth overthinking it at this stage.

Imissmoominmama · 16/01/2022 17:10

When you’re chatting, say you’re going for a walk in the park, to get some fresh air, and ask if he wants to go too.

Suprima · 16/01/2022 17:19

Lol please don’t listen to anyone telling you to ask this man out

He is keeping you as booty call fodder and all you’ll do by chasing him is make him believe you are incredibly keen for him, which is what he wants

KeepingAnOpenMind · 16/01/2022 17:33

I agree. You’ve shown you’re keen, let him do the running. He sounds lazy. Why would you want to hang out with his mates on your second date?

PinkTonic · 16/01/2022 17:38

@Hmummy97

Thank you so much for your responses!! Really appreciate it. I agree *@SarahDarah* *@ElectraBlue* *@JenniferAlisonPhilippaSue* I'm thinking he just thinks we are something casual now. A shame really cos I felt like and feel like we are hitting it off from our conversations, and he has been messaging/voice noting a lot. Probably just keeping me as a back up option. Do you think I should dial back now then and stop responding so much? I feel a bit of a mug now 🤦🏼‍♀️
I think it’s a mistake to be available for that much texting. If he wants to have conversations with you he can take you out.
ChrimboGateauxCatto · 16/01/2022 17:47

Just ask him out!

AnotherSillawithanS · 16/01/2022 18:27

Just ask him out!

Original poster
Hmummy97 · 16/01/2022 18:34

Chuckling at how 50/50 these responses are 🤣 thank you to everyone who has responded though it's fab having everyone's feedback!!!

OP posts:
littleburn · 16/01/2022 18:39

Ask him out. If he prevaricates then you know where you stand. To be very honest though, from his perspective he knows you'll sleep with him. I suspect that's why he's doing enough to keep you interested (the messaging), but if he wanted a relationship with you he'd have asked you out again by now.

KeepingAnOpenMind · 16/01/2022 18:46

I hate voice notes.
They seem to be used by self absorbed people who just want a one way conversation.

Mermaidwaves · 16/01/2022 19:17

@KeepingAnOpenMind
I agree! The men who are all about the voice notes have been the worst ones yet, totally self absorbed flakes.

SailingNotSurfing · 16/01/2022 19:25

Stop replying to his texts and ignore his voice notes.

Trippingslippingx1 · 16/01/2022 19:25

Preach.

I had a guy set up a second date before our first date. (Had known him from work amd we had been chatting six months). When these Men know - they Know.

I have also ‘chased’ by asking for the 2nd and 3rd dates and guess what happened - they were emotionally unavailable and just wanted sex.

I have been in the frustrating situation you have been in OP and if they take longer than a week to arrange a date its usually because they have got sex and want to make in casual or FWB.

mugglenutmeg · 16/01/2022 20:03

I hope by now you've asked him out!?

Original poster
Hmummy97 · 16/01/2022 20:43

@mugglenutmeg

I hope by now you've asked him out!?
I've not 🤦🏼‍♀️ I haven't really heard from him today. When/if it next arises in conversation i might just make a little joke about it and ask "when's this date" or something. But I don't want to ask out of the blue, especially if in his eyes i'm just something casual or "back up". I will keep you updated!! 😄
OP posts:
scoobydoo1971 · 16/01/2022 20:57

Don't ask him out. You are laying a path where you do the work in any future relationship and settle for his crumbs of attention. Of the men I have had serious relationships, most tunnelled their way through my front door with a pneumatic drill and made it clear they were interested/ wanted dates. They were persistent. Don't be a plan B for him. Don't appear keen and don't jump at his first offer to go out. That is not gaming playing or following 'the rules'. It is about showing him you are a strong independent woman with a life outside him.

Trippingslippingx1 · 16/01/2022 21:08

@scoobydoo1971

Don't ask him out. You are laying a path where you do the work in any future relationship and settle for his crumbs of attention. Of the men I have had serious relationships, most tunnelled their way through my front door with a pneumatic drill and made it clear they were interested/ wanted dates. They were persistent. Don't be a plan B for him. Don't appear keen and don't jump at his first offer to go out. That is not gaming playing or following 'the rules'. It is about showing him you are a strong independent woman with a life outside him.
Agreed I had a guy arrange a second date prior to a first 🤣 dont let them gaslit you into being unreasonable when they know they know
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