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Original poster

How lazy are your partners?

75 replies

Mich1986 · 14/01/2022 16:18

Do you share housework 50/50?
Oh works full time from home, I work 3 days a week, sometimes 4 days(not from home)
My partner literally does nothing, apart from working and drops off/picks up dc from school twice a week. I am finding it hard to keep up with the housework and resent having to constantly tidy up after him, it's at the point where i can'tbe bothered to tidy as i then get angry when it's messed up within a few hours. He will take something out of a cupboard, leave the empty box or packet on kitchen side, leave cupboard door open and walk away, leaves plates with food on it on kitchen side, empty crisps packets on the floor etc, goes for a wee and doesn't pull the flush, leaves beard shavings all over the sink, shit stains in the toilet, has to be asked to take bins out. He never cooks, only washes up once a week.
I've put up with it for years, but it's driving me mad and harder now i have a 5 year old to tidy up after too.

OP posts:
naomi81 · 14/01/2022 16:31

Same here! God knows what their mothers taught them, I keep telling my other half what state would his house be in if he lived on his own?? I just find it really odd, told him I am upping hours if work to pay for a cleaner as I can't continue to live like this and he said no no I will start doing abit more 🤣 yeah right! . No idea how to make them change, it's really weird, to the point where I am thinking I might be best to leave with my daughter.

AnneLovesGilbert · 14/01/2022 16:32

Not lazy at all.

girlmom21 · 14/01/2022 16:33

Mines fine. Pulls his weight. Does half the meals and probably more than half the tidying or cleaning and I do slightly more of the childcare.

Suprima · 14/01/2022 16:35

@Mich1986

Do you share housework 50/50? Oh works full time from home, I work 3 days a week, sometimes 4 days(not from home) My partner literally does nothing, apart from working and drops off/picks up dc from school twice a week. I am finding it hard to keep up with the housework and resent having to constantly tidy up after him, it's at the point where i can'tbe bothered to tidy as i then get angry when it's messed up within a few hours. He will take something out of a cupboard, leave the empty box or packet on kitchen side, leave cupboard door open and walk away, leaves plates with food on it on kitchen side, empty crisps packets on the floor etc, goes for a wee and doesn't pull the flush, leaves beard shavings all over the sink, shit stains in the toilet, has to be asked to take bins out. He never cooks, only washes up once a week. I've put up with it for years, but it's driving me mad and harder now i have a 5 year old to tidy up after too.
Why would you have children with with such a lazy, dirty, filthy man?

My partner isn’t lazy. He does more around the house than I do as he works from home and I don’t. He pays for a cleaner weekly too so the house always stays neat and tidy.

I have however witnessed what you are describing with an ex boyfriend who tried to treat me like a maid once we moved in because he was sooooo busy. I told him to fuck off and he now lives in a bedsit by himself. That relationship wasn’t going anywhere.

It’s not a given that men are lazy and can’t do housework and I really wish people would stop shagging and procreating with these awful, disrespectful pigs.

You won’t change him because he doesn’t respect you enough to even clean up his own shit.

No doubt you’ll have posters wade along saying ‘maybe he’s depressed?’.

lightand · 14/01/2022 16:37

I played mine at his own game. Told him I was going to work the same hours as him.
He didnt like it. He bucked himself up, as things were just no longer getting done.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 14/01/2022 16:37

Mine does stuff like this. I've said it's like living with a teenager. It causes a lot of issues.

Aquamarine1029 · 14/01/2022 16:38

Not lazy at all, I wouldn't have married him if he were. What a horrible example for your child. Mummy's the skivvy.

You chose poorly. He won't change, so you have to decide how much of this man child bullshit you're willing to put up with forever. I know what my answer would be.

Mojoj · 14/01/2022 16:42

Simple solution but you need to tough it out. Just stop. Stop cleaning up his shit. Clean up after yourself and son. Stop cooking, cleaning and washing for him. And see how long it takes him to notice. Lazy bastard.

Ionlydomassiveones · 14/01/2022 16:46

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 14/01/2022 16:47

Leave these men to their respective messes. Do not continue to be with such godawful sounding men. Do not make rotas up for them as they are not children or even worse try to reform them. Both these men think that the housework and childcare are in your i.e the female domain. They think they are above that sort of thing being entitled males so they do not do it or do a task so badly you never ask him to do that again. You are not their mother's and they are equally responsible.

You need to ask yourselves what you are doing with such men in the first place. You've also allowed them to treat you like you are now and both men described have no respect for either of you.

What do you want to teach your children about relationships and what are they learning here?. Do not further play your part here in showing your DD or DS that women are here to only solely clean and tidy the house.

PaterPower · 14/01/2022 16:48

It’s the reverse here. My DP will have an odd couple of hours every two months or so where she’ll start cleaning something that probably doesn’t need it.

Otherwise about 90% of the daily cleaning, tidying, clothes washing, dishwasher changeover etc etc falls on my shoulders. I also do the majority of the cooking, I sort out insurance deals and bills and the vast majority of the day to day ‘mental load.’

I wfh and she doesn’t but I earn twice what she does, so it’s not like she’s the breadwinner. She wasn’t as bad at the start of our relationship but now, 7 odd years in, she definitely takes it for granted. At least she’ll admit that herself.

I do have flare ups of feeling resentful about it, if I’m being brutally honest.

DatingDinosaur · 14/01/2022 16:54

Note to Self: Add "must be house-trained" to list of essential criteria Grin

I'm with naomi81 and Mojoj on this one. This is basic stuff he should have been taught when he lived at home with his parent(s). You are not his parent.

IDidntKnowItWasAParty · 14/01/2022 16:55

Mine's very 50:50. We work as a team.
Why are you putting up with this shit OP? I mean you work less, so should do more than him - but he is not doing anything. I would not put up with that.

JuneOsborne · 14/01/2022 16:57

Eugh, sounds pretty grim tbh. My DH wouldn't do any of that, because he's a grown up and likes living in a normally, today and clean home. And doesn't want me to be the only one that makes that happen.

JuneOsborne · 14/01/2022 16:57

Today=tidy

LividLaVidaLoca · 14/01/2022 17:00

Mine does more than me tbh.

He wfh, I wohm and have a cosleeping toddler so he does get more opportunities, but he still does more.

Our arguments are more like “please stop doing those jobs and let me do them when the baby is asleep”. He likes to be useful Blush

JaneJeffer · 14/01/2022 17:05

Not as lazy as me.

BruceSpringsteensBitOnTheSide · 14/01/2022 17:06

Why do people put up with this? We do 50/50, we’re both house trained and no way would I have married him if he was lazy. Stop enabling him FFS!

Simonjt · 14/01/2022 17:14

We’re fairly even, I do more as he has a physical disability so somethings are out of his reach. We do have a cleaner as well, so technically we’re both a bit lazy as we outsource some of the cleaning.

Adley · 14/01/2022 17:32

My ex partner was same
Except he didn’t even do school pick ups even if he had a day of- it was his day off to relax he would say, and because i didn’t work

Clarissa76 · 14/01/2022 17:39

Not lazy at all. We each do our share, although we don't split each job 50:50.

I'm constantly surprised by all the lazy men I read about on here. It's so unattractive, never mind the unfairness.

SickAndTiredAgain · 14/01/2022 17:48

We do 50/50 housework and parenting. Like PPs, I wouldn’t have married him or had a baby if he was a lazy slob who expected me to clean up after him.

layladomino · 14/01/2022 17:49

Not lazy at all. We're a very fair 50/50. And I include in my advice to my DC's, don't ever live with someone who has different standards / ideas of what constitutes pulling their weight. I believe it's one of the biggest reasons for resentment in relationships. The feeling when you're the one who does much more, is that the other person is happy to see you work harder / act as their housekeeper is awful. And there's not much you can do, as if you decide to do less yourself, that's fine by them and you're unhappy living in a mess.

For me, it's up there with ensuring you're on the same page about whether to have children, how you manage money and basic values about life.

NowEvenBetter · 14/01/2022 18:03

Mind boggling how anyone even gets past a few weeks of dating these pointless blokes. As soon as you discover he’s dependent, non functioning and misogynistic, dump them.

Instead of enjoying life, you’re now choosing to inflict this appalling example on your kids, and serving a filthy, disrespectful man for…..what reason?

MyCatStaresAtMe · 14/01/2022 18:04

You need to tell him - every single time….and leave it. Otherwise the cleaning fairy would have done it and he’ll be none the wiser.

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