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Original poster

I can't orgasm with a partner

67 replies

iwantsummertomorrow · 12/01/2022 18:42

I have never been able to orgasm due to the actions of a partner during intercourse or foreplay.
It all feels nice, but to climax I need the help of a toy (whether alone or with another person).

I started seeing a new man and he thinks he's a failure I can't orgasm during sex. He said all his past partners orgasmed during sex when he climaxed and he can't understand why I can't.

I asked how he knew they orgasmed, and he said he told them they did, every time.

I thought I wasn't unusual (to not orgasm during sex) but now I'm wondering if I am unfortunate to not be able to. He is determined to make it happen which makes me feel stressed as I don't think I can orgasm from intercourse alone. However he thinks I can't have enjoyed it much if I don't Confused

I'm not THAT unusual am I?

OP posts:
Cherryfizzzz · 12/01/2022 18:58

No you are not weird as many women can only orgasm through certain things. You'll struggle even more if he's pressuring you. I guess bringing toys and stuff into it is an option if he's comfortable.

supercali77 · 12/01/2022 19:08

Er. All?? His partners orgasmed exactly as he climaxed? Hmm. Id find that unusual myself since penetrative sex is not the typical way women orgasm unless there's clitoral stimulation involved. Does he know where your clitoris is? Does he perform oral or any other stimulation? I always use a toy during sex. Its not happening during sex any other way for me. Actually...on that note I have whats known as a hooded clitoris. Which means its quite 'hidden'...might also be the case for you?

supercali77 · 12/01/2022 19:10

You are not alone. Dont let a man tell you whats normal for your own sex.

metro.co.uk/2017/09/21/almost-80-of-women-dont-orgasm-from-penetrative-sex-6945941/

WhatIsThisPlease · 12/01/2022 19:16

I think you might be the first honest partner he's had, not the first one to not climax during sex!

MrBoldwood · 12/01/2022 19:16

You are not alone. I have only been able to orgasm with one partner (not the one I’m with sadly!!) and that was not with penetration alone. I don’t like the sound of a partner telling you about all his previous partners orgasming - really wouldn’t help. Any pressure or expectation makes it worse. To be honest it’s not the end of the world, an orgasm for me isn’t essential to enjoying sex. But you’re certainly not abnormal.

supercali77 · 12/01/2022 19:17

@WhatIsThisPlease nailed it 😂

PearlD · 12/01/2022 19:19

All his previous partners orgasmed during penetrative sex at the exact moment he did? Someone is telling fibs.

Check out Karen Gurney

www.amazon.co.uk/Mind-Gap-truth-desire-futureproof/dp/1472267133?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

ladyjadie · 12/01/2022 19:23

Are you seeing my ex? He would say the exact same thing, every one of his (50-odd… according to him…) sexual partners had apparently orgasmed, from penetrative sex, every single time. No matter me googling and showing him that actually, many women (like us two) are physically unable to just from PIV. In the end i was rather blunt and said sorry, some of them were faking luv. Ofc his ego refused that notion, hah.
Then again this man was also convinced that every orgasm he’d seen in porn was real and unfaked, too Hmm

Feelingoktoday · 12/01/2022 19:27

Bloody man telling us women what we do!!

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 12/01/2022 19:28

Some of them have lied to him and he didnt realise... Most women cannot cum from intercourse alone. TBH its quite lazy and selfish of men to think that what gives them that pleasure does the same for their partner. Id be reconsidering this one...

Raera · 12/01/2022 19:35

I won a competition at an Ann Summers party for the best fake orgasm noises once, perhaps I should do a youTube training video?

supercali77 · 12/01/2022 19:37

Quite a few men ive known have literally assumed that we feel the same thing they do during penetration....it does not cross their minds that women also have to push a baby out of there....and thats not very flipping practical

Nesbo · 12/01/2022 19:42

Well, if you were a man your inability to orgasm during PIV would be considered deviant, evidence of death grip (or over reliance on artificial means of masturbating), possibly linked to drug use, or you might be gay.

Fortunately you’re female so (rightly) there won’t be any judgment on you at all, sexuality is complex.

There will be some judgement of him though!

tricksyt · 12/01/2022 19:42

His exes were faking half the time.

Robin233 · 12/01/2022 19:42

Ha ha no they didn't......and for the life of me I can't ever understand why a woman would ever pretend to have an orgasm.
I've never had one by pv only - ever , despite really enjoying it.
And any man who knows his way round a woman would know the difference (muscle change in the woman )

Jk24 · 12/01/2022 21:11

I can't either op. Bullet every time for us :)

Norwolf · 12/01/2022 21:14

😂😂😂bless him, that was definitely not the case with his ex’s, you were just more forthcoming with the truth, most prefer to give the fake o’s…

Norwolf · 12/01/2022 21:16

With the fake tremble for extra effect 😭

StarlightLady · 13/01/2022 05:45

He’s wrong! But you know that. The poor chap has been so mislead and does not have a clue “how a woman works”.

Do you get near to an orgasm from oral?

Let’s move forward rather than backwards. Do you have the confidence to bring yourself to a climax with a vibey while he holds you? From there you can show him what to do. He clearly has a lot to learn.

OutbackQueen · 13/01/2022 07:43

I’ve faked my whole life OP (am late 50s) and only orgasm when I masturbate or when a man knows EXACTLY what to do with my clit. I love sex (including penetrative sex) and intimacy and am also very tactile.

I’m in a new relationship and love having sex with my partner but continue to fake orgasms because it makes him happy and really don’t make a big deal out of it. He’s actually the one who so far hasn’t managed to orgasm (a man can’t lie!) and I’m trying not to worry about this because it’s the same for me. Show your partner this thread and show him the things that make you come and then do them with him. You are completely normal so please try not to worry about this.

Richtea2 · 13/01/2022 08:29

What is really strange is that my son's father I did orgasm with.
My new husband do too. Any guy I been with and not really serious I never have.
I couldn't because it just was quick and over with.
I think I need to really use to that person I don't know. I was younger and never orgasm too. Maybe didn't know how too.
If you can make yourself come yourself then try with your partner it might help.

elelel · 13/01/2022 08:31

Even if he wasn't lying and this did happen, he is showing himself up to be a right cunt by using it against you. Dump him. You are not the problem.

PearlD · 13/01/2022 10:17

continue to fake orgasms because it makes him happy and really don’t make a big deal out of it

@OutbackQueen this is part of the problem. The fifty women that have lied to OP's partner didn't want to make a big deal of it either presumably. It's made him feel he's knocked their socks off, when he clearly hasn't.

He's now patting himself on the back for being great in bed, instead of actually learning how to be. He's thinking that a quick tweak and a twiddle will do the job because, well, it worked for my ex, so what's wrong with you?

If your partner knowing that you didn't orgasm is making a big deal of things, there's a very fragile ego in the room.

Robin233 · 13/01/2022 12:48

continue to fake orgasms because it makes him happy and really don’t make a big deal out of it

@OutbackQueen

But I always thought honesty and trust was fundamental to a good healthy relationship.
I haven't missed out
I enjoy a good sex life.
I have found you learn from each other how to please one another.
With love and encouragement and honesty it gets better all the time.
But you've got to tell them what works or what chance is there?

liveforsummer · 13/01/2022 12:56

His partners were faking it or he's lying - one of the 2. No you aren't abnormal and the pressure won't help. Try toys