Anyone watching the couples therapy programme on ch4?

[Longcovid21]

Anyone else think Mau is a complete fucking narcisist and therapy with him is completely pointless? Some. Of the things he is saying. Textbook narcisim. The therapist doesn't seem to see it?!?

[Rummikub]

I watched this
And mau just made me bristle.
He was unhappy his wife arranged things she thought he would like ?? Horrid man

[RoyKentsChestHair]

Binged 8 episodes tonight

Really is spookily familiar!

[yellowsmileyface]

@RoyKentsChestHair

His whole “I would rather have nothing than accept the insult of saying I could try harder”. I was wondering why my XDP doesn’t care that he lost me. This is why.

Exactly, and the way he keeps harping on about how he's basically the BEST husband and gives her everything so she should just get over feeling dismissed... reminds me so much of my previous relationship.

To those confused about Annie's odd reactions/laughing, I think I get it but I don't know how to explain it. I think it's a sort of emotional substitute for getting angry/upset. She probably feels unable to express negative emotion so it tends to come out in laughter instead.

Sometimes her laughter feels like a sort of exasperated "See what he's like! It's so unbelievable I just have to laugh", if that makes sense?

[Mrssebastianstan]

I find the bits where the therapist is taking to her own therapist fascinating. To hear her uncertainty and frustrations is very interesting and adds to the couple bits as you know what she’s thinking when she’s asking questions.
Agree Mau really is insufferable. I don’t care how good the sex and love bombing was, I don’t see how anyone could survive 23 years of that.
I’m currently rooting for Desean, I think Evelyn is destroying that relationship with insecurity and it’s so sad, Sarah is a fucking nightmare but loves Lauren who is a gem, and Annie, HES NOT GOING TO CHANGE.
I also love how they all live in normal sized, imperfect, messy homes.

[crochetmonkey74]

I've now binged the second series too, just so addictive and fascinating

[HollowTalk]

I think Mau was quite dangerous, really. He was so attractive and articulate but when you had to analyse what he was saying, it was just pure narcissism. I could feel his wife's pull towards him - it did seem like a love/hate relationship. Did any of you get the feeling that he was coercing her into sex every day?

I loved DeSean - what a great character.

What did you all think of Lauren?

[Hrpuffnstuff1]

However it was as quite clear Mau's childhood history was extremely abusive.
He brought himself up, with no boundaries.
It was interesting for the counselor to note that people who have survived tramua and lived a successful life are very commanding, controlling and have a very narrow view of life and relationship management.

[crochetmonkey74]

@HollowTalk

I think Mau was quite dangerous, really. He was so attractive and articulate but when you had to analyse what he was saying, it was just pure narcissism. I could feel his wife's pull towards him - it did seem like a love/hate relationship. Did any of you get the feeling that he was coercing her into sex every day?

I loved DeSean - what a great character.

What did you all think of Lauren?

I really liked Lauren and I thought Sarah was really self centred and awful. Talking about her crush etc. I was trying not to let my personal feelings on open relationships cloud my views but I just felt that they would be better off apart with each with someone who only wanted them . I felt sorry for Lauren that Sarah never saw such simple connections between intrusive surgery and trauma etc

[Moonface123]

l got bored after a while, and stopped watching it. None of the couples seemed to be making progress.
Mau obviously makes good viewing, pompous, arrogant bore he is and poor wife just seems to humour him which is irritating to watch. l found it quite bleak and depressing.

[Neolara]

I'm absolutely loving this programme. Nearly at the end of series 2 now. A lot of it is very sad.

[crochetmonkey74]

@Moonface123

l got bored after a while, and stopped watching it. None of the couples seemed to be making progress.
Mau obviously makes good viewing, pompous, arrogant bore he is and poor wife just seems to humour him which is irritating to watch. l found it quite bleak and depressing.

It did feel a bit bleak at the start I agree, but then I got hooked. I have had therapy this year and found it helpful so I think it made me think about thought patterns etc

[Echobelly]

Hadn't heard of this, just watched episode 1. I'm isolating for at least a week with COVID, so this will be a perfect short watch for me this week.

And yes, Mau seems incredibly arrogant and entitled... and mansplainy. I noticed how the therapist brought up the way he seemed to have negate things other people were saying.

[murielsdivorce]

[quote Longcovid21]@murielsdivorce I felt that the therapist didn't seem to have training in narcisim and even admitted that she was sacrificing his partner during sessions in order to keep him on board. He was totally grandiose saying things like "I would make a great therapist" etc...

Yes it's on iplayer @shedreamer. Search for couples therapy. It's totally addictive. I'm on series 2 now![/quote]
I think the therapist was aware that he was a narcissist which is why she kept saying she couldn't push it too far and that they had already walked out from two other therapists in the past.

Having said that I'm surprised the therapist didn't just end it early and tell them they had to seek therapy individually.

One thing that I have learnt is that joint therapy with a narcissist or abuser of any kind is just more abuse. Surely all therapists should know this

[thebigpurpleone]

Binged it all! Fascinating.

[RoyKentsChestHair]

One thing that I have learnt is that joint therapy with a narcissist or abuser of any kind is just more abuse. Surely all therapists should know this

I think they almost enjoy the challenge though. I went to counselling with my ex and the therapist asked me why I’d escalated things by calling the police after X had kicked off in my house, breaking stuff and refusing to leave, while I had a panic attack . Obviously ex loved this and I never heard the last of it, but it did show that not all therapists can see what’s under their nose.

[accentdusoleil]

How intense/ annoying was Mikhail? (The Jewish lady ) . She not did stop talking.

I really wanted the therapist to tel her to shut up

[Hrpuffnstuff1]

@accentdusoleil

How intense/ annoying was Mikhail? (The Jewish lady ) . She not did stop talking.

I really wanted the therapist to tel her to shut up

She diffused the situation by empathizing with her. Calmed her then engaged. Very clever.
She told her she was working hard, look how hard you are working.
Telling her to shut up would've ended the sessions.

[crochetmonkey74]

@accentdusoleil

How intense/ annoying was Mikhail? (The Jewish lady ) . She not did stop talking.

I really wanted the therapist to tel her to shut up

I found her infuriating but I'm used to it (I'm a teacher and lots of kids with a sense of injustice are like this)
I could empathise though as I found her husband so annoyingly passive and lazy. I found their story most interesting in s2 as she was literally almost identically repeating her mothers experience

[thebigpurpleone]

@accentdusoleil

How intense/ annoying was Mikhail? (The Jewish lady ) . She not did stop talking.

I really wanted the therapist to tel her to shut up

Well her intensity was part of the reason they were in therapy. A therapist isn't there to say shut up.

[Longcovid21]

One thing that I have learnt is that joint therapy with a narcissist or abuser of any kind is just more abuse. Surely all therapists should know this

Yep Mau has now got a lot more fresh ammunition to theow at his wife behind closed doors. All the stuff she discussed in confidence will surely be used against her.

[Knackeredmommy]

Binged both series. Really interesting, Mau really pissed me off but, Annie is never going to leave. Loved Orna's discussions with her supervisor. All the couples were fascinating but several definitely needed individual counselling.

[ThisWormHasTurned]

Thanks for the recommendation. I’ve binged series one in a day! As someone who has recently separated from my H, it’s an interesting watch. We’ve done couples counselling in the past but it made me very uncomfortable. I’ve realised since that our dynamic has coercive control and EA and he used the counselling to his own benefit.
Agree with what has been said about Mau. I know what people mean about Annie laughing…my Mum could be very controlling and I’ve laughed about some of the stuff she did because it was so ridiculous (like rearranging someone else’s kitchen because she thought her way was better!). I think it is a way of getting people to understand your point of view. He talked ring around her. So arrogant, total narcissist and made it all her fault. I was shouting at the TV that she should leave! He even said she should leave and that’s what he thinks she wants, my belief is that he said that just so he could blame her if they do separate. I noticed the body language was different at the end. Initially she had been all over him, in the last shot he had his arm around her but she was less engaged.

I was glad that Desean and Evelyn started to make progress. I can imagine how suffocating it must have been for him. You can see how these patterns form.

I felt bad for Lauren when she was saying about the physical impact her surgery had had with the stricture and Sarah was just moaning that she always had to initiate sex! I’ve had pain issues impacting on my sex life and it sucked. I did wonder whether slowing life down a bit would help them or whether they would find themselves drifting apart.

[uffizzi]

Absolutely agree OP

2 other observations about Mau

When Annie talks in depth about the sexual abuse she has suffered, the therapist then asks Mau what he thinks.
His first response is "I wasn't there to protect her"

So he makes it about HIM again.
After his wife has just talked about the awful things that happened to HER


Second, is him coming to a session and sitting in the therapists chair for a few seconds.
It's a "playful" thing but so telling.
It's pure grandiose narcissist .
It's saying "I know the most". "I am the therapist" and also shows a typical disregard for the accepted rules and norms that narcissists think don't apply to them

[uffizzi]

@uffizzi

Absolutely agree OP

2 other observations about Mau

When Annie talks in depth about the sexual abuse she has suffered, the therapist then asks Mau what he thinks.
His first response is "I wasn't there to protect her"

So he makes it about HIM again.
After his wife has just talked about the awful things that happened to HER


Second, is him coming to a session and sitting in the therapists chair for a few seconds.
It's a "playful" thing but so telling.
It's pure grandiose narcissist .
It's saying "I know the most". "I am the therapist" and also shows a typical disregard for the accepted rules and norms that narcissists think don't apply to them

Contrast Mau's response of "I wasn't there to protect you" with Desean, who when asked what he feels after listening to Elaine describing her abuse. He says "it's a world of hurt".
And the therapist repeats his statement in agreement

[Mumof3confused]

When Mau stood up and walked around, fiddling with objects on the therapist’s shelf I thought he was behaving like a child. I’m currently in couples counselling and I always thought my husband to be harmless, a very kind man with low confidence, and this is what my counsellor has picked up on also. But I’m seeing similarities with how he deals with questioning the same way as Mau - never responding to the actual question, deflecting, twisting, turning and generally working hard to never admit any wrongdoing. I’ve always told him he’d make a great politician. The program is very interesting.