Embarrassing mistake with my name

[TheIdiot7]

I feel like an absolute idiot. I am an idiot. And this was childish..

But when I met a man at a pub, I gave a fake name. I just made something easy up on the spot, thinking the conversation would last 5 mins and that would be that.

My actual name is boring, old fashioned and a bit embarrassing. So I have occasionally just made something better up if it's a situation like starbucks when they're just putting your name on the cup.

Anyway, we got on brilliantly. He took my number and we messaged for a couple of weeks. We have now been on two dates and I still haven't told him that the name I said, isn't actually my name! What the hell do I do?!

It's gone too far to come back from, hasn't it. I'm so embarrassed. This is such a stupid way to have fucked things up with a lovely man.

My Nanna did this when she met my Grandad. He didnt find out until their wedding day when the priest said her real name! Haha.
I agree, just tell him the truth

Was it Shauna?

This could be the funny story people tell at your wedding :)

Take him out and say you’re paying for everything and ply him with tonnes of booze. Do a “tell me your deepest secrets” round and say “look I have to fess up. It’s not my name but I wish it was”
Loads of people have nicknames.
How different is it?
My neighbour is known by a totally different name to his birth certificate name. It’s pretty standard.

I don't think a woman giving the wrong name is comparable to a man doing similar at all.

Almost as if mumsnet is made up of thousands of different people with their own opinions instead of being one hive mind

@RoyKentsChestHair

Almost as if mumsnet is made up of thousands of different people with their own opinions instead of being one hive mind

Well it’s interesting that none of the people that thought it was “funny” or a “great story” commented on that thread saying the same?

Also see the recent LinkedIn stalker thread to see why a woman might be more likely to lie about her name

It will seem a bit weird waiting till a couple of weeks and dates later but better now than even further down the line.

And yet here you are saying that you don’t think it’s funny and think it’s a red flag, so apparently not everyone is a massive e hypocrite. Did you comment on the other thread yourself?

I would explain you go by pseudonym initially to protect yourself as you don’t want to be stalked in case the guy ends up being a nutter after it happening to you / someone you know / taking advice of how to keep yourself safe.

Or I would tell him your real name is x. But it’s embarrassing and you really liked him initially you didn’t want him to be put off.

I prefer the first explanation tbh.

@Juletide

I don't think a woman giving the wrong name is comparable to a man doing similar at all.

Agreed. There may be safety reasons that men don't even have to remotely consider.

I also agree about just telling him in the light-hearted way PPs above have suggested.

Awe. Just think, when you are old and grey it will be his pet name for you. And a lovely story for the grand kids.

@RedCandyApple that’s not the case though is it…. Everyone didn’t say that, I didn’t say that and many others didn’t say that…

OP try and make a joke out of it. I wouldn’t be giving my name out to random men when out either, it’s sensible really

@RoyKentsChestHair

And yet here you are saying that you don’t think it’s funny and think it’s a red flag, so apparently not everyone is a massive e hypocrite. Did you comment on the other thread yourself?

Hmm no you are totally missing my point, it was me who said on the last threads it’s understandable if someone lies for safety reasons and considering he told her way before meeting it wasn’t a big deal but according to most posters it’s completely unacceptable, despite the fact he told her pretty much straight away, yet on this thread the woman has not lied for safety reasons so don’t make that up, She said it’s because her name is embarrassing and has lied for weeks! Yet it’s apparently hilarious.

I did this when I first met my now DP, I always gave a fake name on dating sites. It served me very well when I saw a man a couple of times, decided he wasn't for me and he turned quite nasty. I wouldn't have liked him to be able to track me down.

I told DP my real name after a few dates and he totally understood why I'd made one up. He still sometimes calls me a nickname based on the fake name!

Just be honest with your chap, tell him you didn't see the conversation lasting so gave a fake name, but now you've got to know him better you can tell him your real one.

Put it on him and say
You do know my name is Margery don't you? Not sure why are you calling me Samantha?

But OP didn’t meet him on a dating site, she met him in a pub. She messaged him for weeks and went on dates with him.

Sorry OP, I think that is utterly bizarre and so deceitful. I would run for the hills if I were him

Is there anyway at all that your fake name could be made out as being a nickname?

"By the way, I'm often known as X - it started off as a bit of silly joke ages ago and just stuck - but my actual name is Y. I don't mind people calling me by my nickname - often refer to myself by it - but I prefer those close to me to call me Y.... and we appear to have become rather close now....!!!"

My Nan didn't find out my Grandad's real name until they were at the altar!

Here you go: www.gov.uk/change-name-deed-poll

Put it on him and say
You do know my name is Margery don't you? Not sure why are you calling me Samantha?

I think admitting to have originally used a nickname when you first met is infinitely more forgivable than heading down the full-on gaslighting route. There are a number of legitimate reasons why a woman might not initially give her real name out to a man she's just met who shows an interest in her, but to deliberately mess with his mind in that way would be 100% red-flag behaviour.

This happened to me with someone who turned out to be a work colleague in a new job
I have a long difficult to spell name so I have a "Starbucks" name for them to write on my cup. Got chatting to a woman in the queue who turned out to work at my new job right next door.. she called me Liz for ages! I had to put her right when we started directly working together vs just in the same building. Can you tell him you generally give out your "Starbucks name" to randoms but he's not a random any more??

A friend of mine did this 20 years ago. They named their first born the name she had used. 😁

I wouldn't agonise over it. Just say it's a nickname and tell him your real name.

Honesty.

Look, I have to tell you something. when guys in pubs ask me my name I normally give it a fake one in case their weirdos. And then you were lovely and I felt really awkward telling you my name is Margaret not Britney. Esp as I don't even like Margaret. And then you asked me out and I didn't want you to think I'm a weirdo. But I do really like you and obviously I want you to know my real name. So that's it. Everything else you know about me is true.