Called names in the street

[Journey2LovingYourself]

Morning Everyone,

I was walking to the station this morning when two men attempted to get my attention. I scrunched my face up and ignored them and once I had got a little further I heard "You're fat anyway" with a few chuckles.

Now I know reading this, you're probably thinking "just shrug it off" but my god, he sized up my biggest insecurity in seconds and used it to put me down. I’m not sure I know why. I’m in shock.

I just continued walking, trying to capture my thoughts and deciding that I should skip lunch for today. I fought tears with power walking to the station, I had intended on getting a salad for my lunch today but now I feel like a sad, fat girl trying to eat healthily.

I have been working really hard on myself recently and though I'm not where I want to be, I was starting to feel better about myself now this has happened and I feel this has taken me back to step 1.

I know we are not just what we look like. I’m aware that I could be in fitter shape and I am trying, but for a stranger to only see “fat” then use it to insult me is demoralizing.

Though a small interaction why do I now feel affirmed in all the negative voices in my head that tell me, everyone, who sees me, at work, on the train, in any stores, walking anywhere, in the park, at the movies, while in line for any food, sees me as only fat.

I guess what I'm trying to get at is it's so disgusting that months of determination and hard work on myself where I got to a point of feeling confident and positive can be brought down so easily by a passing insult.

Please help, why can I not shake this.

Shouted insult from an awful human being.

You keep on your journey to health and happiness. There's nothing else you can do.

He was probably one of those sad incel blokes who blame women and men having sex for everything that is wrong with his sad little life.

I once got called a "fat slag" for asking a man to back his car up a little. I was a size 6 at the time. You say you're working on yourself; you keep doing that! You can be slimmer, fitter, whatever you want to be. At least you won't always be a shithead like the man who insulted you.

It’s hard to shake it because you live in a world designed and still heavily dominated by men who’s minds work like that. Who believe they have a right to assess and comment on womens bodies, and that they have a right to their attention.

This makes me so angry for you. I know id likely find it hard to shake too but really, think. Man tries to get your attention and you don’t want to give it, so he picks the insult that would hurt many women. So base and unoriginal. What a total arsehole who is not worth even a moment of your mental energy or emotions.

This is the oldest sexist abuse trick in the book. Try to get a woman’s attention and then insult her (usually based on her looks) when she rejects you. I’ve experienced this several times in my life, including when I was young and gorgeous and a model! Got called an ugly bitch for walking stony faced past a group of guys calling out sexual remarks to me.

I know you already know this, but the problem is THEM and the society that turns a blind eye to men intimidating and insulting women going about their business. It is NOT you or your weight.

Whatever you look like - you could be Angelina bloody Jolie - this type of prick would’ve insulted you anyway. Fuck them. You don’t need the approval of these sad dickheads. Hold your head up high and have whatever you bloody want for lunch!

How do they always seem to pick on your biggest insecurities?! I walked past 2 workmen and one said ‘wow, big tits!’ I ignored them and walked past only to hear ‘bit saggy actually’. I could have cried!

Thats what they do when you arent flattered and giggly at their crude attempts.
It wasnt about how fat you are or arent. It could have been anything. Plus, who the fuck are they anyway. Their insults are as clever and creative as their pathetic attempts to get female attention. Please try and reframe this. Its most idiots go-to insult. Ive been called fat arse when I was practically underweight by a dickhead in the street that was pissed off that I had ignored his compliment on my tits

It actually says more about those cretins than you. You ignored them and they used their clearly low level of intelligence to come up with the first thing that popped in to their pea sized brains.

Easier said than done but you're on your own journey and you only have to prove anything to yourself.

Just be glad you're not them.

Aww don’t take it to heart. They’re absolute arseholes. They wanted your attention but when you weren’t interested they resorted to insulting you. Says way more about them than you. When I was younger (I’m early 50s) I had incidents like this and they used to knock the stuffing out of me and I wanted to cry. I then decided rightly or wrongly not to take it lying down. Any insult about being fat from random strangers, always men I just used to laugh at them. Like proper laugh as if nothing they could say could hurt me. I usually threw in some kind of put down too. They always seemed shocked at the fat girl holding her own.

Numerous times when I was out with friends enjoying myself some fucking miserable wee guy would feel the need to say something to me about my weight and expect me to slope off like a wounded animal. I may have felt like one but never gave them the satisfaction of them seeing that. I always called them out on it. Made them feel really uncomfortable. I got one guy thrown out of the bar I was in for him keep making comments about my weight.

One time I was in a shop and I heard a horrible fucker saying to his wife in the crisp aisle If you don’t watch out you’ll get like that fat cow. I wasn’t taking that. I walked up to them. Ignored him and said to the woman I felt really sorry for her that she was with such a horrible wee controlling arsehole and then laughed. He looked shocked. I got out into the car park and was driving out and he walked in front of me with his trolley towards an old banger. I speeded up and gave him a bit of a fright that he had to hurry and then rolled down my window of my very very nice car and said who’s laughing now you inadequate little fucker. None of my behaviour was very good but I did feel like I had fought back instead of taking anything these men throw at you for the crime of being fat. And I don’t care what people drive and in other circumstances I would never boast about my car but he deserved it.

I know it’s hard but you need to dust yourself down. We are not lesser people for carrying a bit of extra weight. It’s their problem. Not yours. Enjoy your lunch whatever you choose to have.

You need to ask yourself what kind of man would want to insult a complete stranger going about their business. A fucking horrible inadequate vile fucker. That’s who. Focus on yourself. Everything you’re doing and just put it down to a bad experience

Men know what women’s insecurities are because THEY have created them.

Sounds as thought you’ve made some great personal achievements with yourself lately, so please don’t let those sad little micro-dicked turds make you doubt any of that.

Please don’t give this much more of your energy and just relish in the fact that one day he will die.

When I was heavily pregnant (in fact I think I was days from giving birth!) with my eldest who is now nearly 17, I was shopping at Asda. As I parked out and got out and waddled along to the entrance a pair of creatures passed me an one of them shouted something about me being a giant fat hog and I’m pretty sure he spat at me! Unfortunately for him, on my way back to my car I had noticed where he had parked and I had a terrible and unfortunate spontaneous accident involving my giant fat heavy body and all my force with the trolley along the entire length of the driver’s side of his vile tarted up shitmobile. Butter fingers!

Don't worry yourself about the opinion that some vile, creepy men might have of you.

What you face is the type of typical behaviour from entitled low-lives who think that women owe them attention and that if they don't get it they will retaliate with aggression and that's often done by criticising their bodies and appearance.

Their opinion means nothing.

Society has for too long conditioned women to think that their greatest value is their physical appearance and that their role is to please men. And that men have ownership of these bodies. Men behave like this to keep insecure.

I have heard so many vile things about my appearance since I was a teenager.

My attitude is: I don't give a damn about the views of a stranger who thinks it is appropriate to sneer at women in this way.

If they don't like what they see, they don't have to look at me.

Please don't let this affect how you see yourself or make you feel bad about what you eat.

Sorry, there is a word is missing in my post above, it should read:
'Men behave like this to keep women insecure'''

What a pair of utterly sad twats! It’s completely understandable that this has upset you, NO ONE should be subjected to abuse in the street or anywhere else. But, that is about them and not you! They are obviously of dubious intellect so just ignore them. I always have done, they are just man children, if they don’t get a response, they stop. Actually, apart from once. I was shopping and a delightful pair of “men” shouted at me to “show us your tits” Not particularly rare but one of them had a little boy of about 4 on his shoulders! I must admit I went bananas, dropped all my shopping bags and let rip. They obviously didn’t expect that and scuttled off very quickly. Tossers

Arseholes. You're doing great in the work you've done and i hope you keep going until you achieve the happiness and
confidence you deserve.

As PPs say, this choice of insult shows extreme unoriginality and misogyny. I had it a couple of months ago. Two tosspots making crude remarks and trying to get my attention. I looked the other way. I have no interest in a conversation that starts with hissing and caveman like comments about my body parts. One of them turned around and continued bawling insults about how fat and out of shape I was until I was at the end of the road. I just gave him the finger. It just goes to show what kinds of people these are when they are a) going around catcalling women and b) switch to tried and tested insults and intimidation when they aren't rewarded with, what, offers of sex or gratitude or whatever they're hoping for.

Calling a woman fat (in the west at least) has a pretty high likelihood of causing some offence or upset, no matter of her actual size, due to slim ideals, the power of the dieting industry etc. Please try not to take it personally.

I'm a man, so I've heard men's conversations when women are not there. I can tell that the men who say nasty stuff like this generally have insecurities themselves, and they say nasty stuff because they want to have power over women and keep women feeling more insecure than the men feel. Sometimes they do it to show off in front of their nasty male friends. It doesn't matter what you look like - men like this will always find something. It's not about you, it's about them.

I've tried to challenge these men on this and they aren't at all interested in listening to what I have to say. They know what they're doing and they want to keep doing it because it gives them that feeling of power.

everyone, who sees me, at work, on the train, in any stores, walking anywhere, in the park, at the movies, while in line for any food, sees me as only fat

Just here to say that this is 100% not true. These dickheads have thought about what's most likely to make you feel like shit and come up with "fat". They'd say the exact same thing to any woman who isn't a size 8. And if they were a size 8 they'd probably get "ugly bitch" instead. You're so much better than these arseholes, don't let them win.

URGH URGH URGH.

OP, just take solace in the fact that by ignoring him. you made HIM feel like the worthless little toad that he is, and that's why he acted out because he was embarrassed.

Yep, like a PP said, I got called a “fat bitch” when I was a size 6. Had no insecurities about it so replied “as if I’m fat”. He said nothing. I later realised I didn’t say anything about being a bitch 😂

Forget him. You could be any size at all to receive that comment. He was just a plain old misogynist.

Anyone else secretly like it if the rude comments about your boobs or bum sound like they really mean it 😮

Remember they thought you were attractive enough to try and get your attention in the first place! It wasn't til you 'rejected' them that sudden you weren't. And then they fell back on the top insult of misogynistic, low intelligence, lacking in original thought morons!

@kirstenmacadam74

Anyone else secretly like it if the rude comments about your boobs or bum sound like they really mean it 😮

No. I couldn't be less interested in what a passing caveman thinks of any aspect of my appearance.

There are some great comments here already but I just wanted to add that you don't have to wait until you're a societally-approved weight and/or shape before you are allowed to feel good about yourself. You are allowed to eat what you feel like eating, to wear nice clothes, to have meaningful friendships and relationships, to be happy and confident. Please don't put your life on hold until you take up less space. You can still work towards achieving a healthy weight while understanding that you are already good enough and having fewer pounds on your frame will not make you a better person, you'll still just be you but a bit lighter. It's so much easier to make healthier food choices from a mindset of self-care anyway, because you will feel like you and your body are worthy of being treated well. If you think you're worthless, you'll struggle to see the point of looking after yourself properly.

Seriously, don't give it another minute's thought. Men know all women hate to be called fat so it was just a cheap shot. I was called fat by a stranger (male) in the street once. At the time I was very skinny. They just kick you where it hurts. The other day 2 men in the street started flirting with my daughter who's just turned 11! Ok, she's very tall and could be 15 but even so! Still completely unacceptable. They're just bloody morons trying to antagonize women/girls for no reason.

Says more about those nasty losers. Be who you want to be but sounds like you are doing some work on yourself. Turn this horrible situation to your advantage and continue to eat healthily but don’t give into pressure from morons. Sorry this happened to you xxx

I like a nice crisp “fuck off, pal” myself. The older I get the more comfortable I am with my Inner Fishwife. Seriously, why would anyone care what a random loser says? He is just a lowlife, his opinion is literally worthless. Chin up!

I think fat is most people’s (men and women) go to insult, it’s the easiest comment to upset someone. I’ve been called fat loads of time, someone pushed in front of me in a queue so I told him he had pushed in and he turned around and called me a fat bitch