Called names in the street

[Journey2LovingYourself]

Morning Everyone,

I was walking to the station this morning when two men attempted to get my attention. I scrunched my face up and ignored them and once I had got a little further I heard "You're fat anyway" with a few chuckles.

Now I know reading this, you're probably thinking "just shrug it off" but my god, he sized up my biggest insecurity in seconds and used it to put me down. I’m not sure I know why. I’m in shock.

I just continued walking, trying to capture my thoughts and deciding that I should skip lunch for today. I fought tears with power walking to the station, I had intended on getting a salad for my lunch today but now I feel like a sad, fat girl trying to eat healthily.

I have been working really hard on myself recently and though I'm not where I want to be, I was starting to feel better about myself now this has happened and I feel this has taken me back to step 1.

I know we are not just what we look like. I’m aware that I could be in fitter shape and I am trying, but for a stranger to only see “fat” then use it to insult me is demoralizing.

Though a small interaction why do I now feel affirmed in all the negative voices in my head that tell me, everyone, who sees me, at work, on the train, in any stores, walking anywhere, in the park, at the movies, while in line for any food, sees me as only fat.

I guess what I'm trying to get at is it's so disgusting that months of determination and hard work on myself where I got to a point of feeling confident and positive can be brought down so easily by a passing insult.

Please help, why can I not shake this.

It's easier said than done but don't give these vile little men with one brain cell between them any more thought. Try not to worry that what they said is what everyone else thinks. Like a pp said they thought you were attractive enough to think you would fall at their knees following their pathetic attempts to chat you up. You bruised their egos by not responding in the way they wanted you to, so they decide to insult you in the easiest way possible. They sound about 8 years old shouting insults in the playground!

I'm really really sorry to hear that these horrible men have upset you so much.

In the summer I'd been shopping in Primark and got some bargains so I was happy, I went in a cafe & walked past 2 women and in a clear posh voice one of them said, 'oh she's minging!!' while the other one laughed.
I was the only other woman in there so they were obviously insulting me.
I was so so upset, it took an entire bus journey for me to calm down.

But I did calm down.
I decided to be the better person than they were.
You know @Journey2LovingYourself and I know, that we are worth so much more than scum who get their kicks from insulting random strangers.
Life is too short!!

Thank you everyone for commenting!

You have all managed to cheer me up and I agree I shouldn't think too much of it, he was just a cruel asshole. It saddens me that so many of us have all experienced and been subjected to this kind of behavior.

Onwards and upwards i guesss

Im thin, and the go to insult is "small tits".

If it isn't one thing, it'll be something else.

Weirdly the men who say things like this are generally below average looks/nothing to write home about themselves. I can't say I've ever seen attractive guys act like that.

It says everything you about their characters abd nothing about you.

I try and feel pity for arseholes like those men, because that is what they are, pitiful. I’ve had my share of insults from random strangers too. They are usually highly insecure people who are trying to pick holes in another person to make themselves feel better. Or they feel the sting that their dated 1970s attempt to get attention from you has backfired on them and they are trying to pass the sting back to you.

I also wanted to add, don’t take the comments too personally. Arses like those men will spend all day everyday finding ways to insult random strangers. It wouldn’t have just been you. Hold your head up high. There is nothing wrong with you, and everything wrong with them.

@frozendaisy

Shouted insult from an awful human being.

You keep on your journey to health and happiness. There's nothing else you can do.

He was probably one of those sad incel blokes who blame women and men having sex for everything that is wrong with his sad little life.

Yup! Spot on. OP, you sound as if you've been working hard with yourself, don't let this derail you. Says so much more about them then you.

Some people are just awful, like my exH who used to shout insults out of his car window to hapless women on the pavement, commenting on their appearance, especially if they were overweight.

He'd then gloat about it to me when he got home

Once he reported that he'd "licked his lips at her" when he noticed a woman looking at him while he waited at a junction, whatever the fuck he meant by that. Grim. I can't imagine she was thinking "phwoooarrh" as he was no oil painting.

I am trying, but for a stranger to only see “fat” then use it to insult me is demoralizing.

They didn't "only see fat", they noticed you and tried to get your attention because they thought you were an attractive woman. They are obviously arseholes so if they hadn't found you attractive they'd have just shouted an insult not try to get you to give them attention. The insult is bravado in the face of wounded ego. It's all about what is wrong with them and nothing to do with you.

When I was younger I received lots of compliments about my looks and got plenty of male attention, it didn't stop an ignored pest calling me a "fucking ugly cunt". I wasn't feeling insecure about my looks, I was just minding my own business.

Don't give those arseholes any power over you by spending any more time thinking about it.

You shouldn't even have to think of a response, but if anyone does that to you again, publicly shame them. The more people around the better, because it can be dangerous.

Wave your arms in the air and say -

'EVERYBODY - THESE TWO MEN OVER HERE (WHO I'VE JUST TRIED TO IGNORE BECAUSE I'M NOT SEXUALLY) INTERESTED THEM, WANT YOU TO ALL KNOW THAT THEY THINK I'M FAT. OK??? EVERYBODY GOT THAT? THEY THINK THAT WOMEN WHO AREN'T INTERESTED IN THEM SHOULD BE PUNISHED FOR SAYING 'NO'.

You'll probably make a real spectacle of yourself......but it might be the last time those men make such comments.

Got called a little tart once by a man who was 20+ years older than me. It stuck with me. Rise above it OP

@HelenGraham2121

Weirdly the men who say things like this are generally below average looks/nothing to write home about themselves. I can't say I've ever seen attractive guys act like that.

That's just categorically not true. A guy I went to school has the type of appearance that most women would consider attractive, but yet, he was, and still is, one of the most rude and obnoxious people I've met. I've seen him being completely horrible to many girls/women around him.

Meanwhile, I firmly fit into the 'ugly man' category, and rest assured, I won't be shouting any insults at anyone in the street because I generally avoid contact with strangers as far as possible.

It is slightly annoying that negative male behaviours are always associated with unattractive men, whereas positive male behaviours are always associated with attractive men. And how ironic is it, that these stereotypical comments should appear in a thread about insults and appearance?

Oldest insult in the book. Used my ignorant men who get rejected.

I was called a fat prick last month when out Christmas shopping with my son. I'm 9 stone.

Ps. His initial reaction was NOT fat. His initial reaction was....shes nice....that's why he tried to get your attention!

@Cheeeesecake

Yep, like a PP said, I got called a “fat bitch” when I was a size 6. Had no insecurities about it so replied “as if I’m fat”. He said nothing. I later realised I didn’t say anything about being a bitch 😂

Forget him. You could be any size at all to receive that comment. He was just a plain old misogynist.

This really made me laugh and I hopwmot did you too OP.

I, too, have been called fat as a 6-8. Actually I've never been more than a size 10 in my life and I've lost count of how many times I've been called fat or told I hould lose some weight. Your value as a person has nothing to do with your size or looks. I hope there are people in your life who love you for you and help you come to really and truly believe that

Him " a big saggy actually."

Me" "Not as saggy as your balls homey!"

Okay that ONE person that you know does not negate the millions of men who are dad bodied, short, fat, balding, teeth all jacked up, stubby weiners, pot bellied and just plain ugly who try to holla at women, get rejected, then want to call YOU names. They do that so much here in the US I have developed a super sharp wit and tongue to go with it and as soon as they say something stupid, I fire back. Leave them with their mouths hanging open in shock and his friends laughing at him.

"I may be a young tart, but you're an OLD FART."

“VERTICAL STRIPES MAKE YOU LOOK FAT!”
DH was wearing horizontal stripes when a drunk yelled this at him.
Happened maybe 8 years ago and DH won’t wear stripes to this day.

I got called a "fucking ignorant fat bitch"'when I was out running once. A man running the other way said hi. I said hi back but I don't think he heard as he had headphones in so he turned around and yelled that at me.

I am not fat or ignorant but I do think "fat" is the go to insult by men because they know how emotive it is.

This person doesn't know you and clearly isn't very nice. You need to try and forget it. I know how hard it is as every time I run past that spot I remember that man!

I totally agree with @Sonaftersonafterson his initial reaction was not ‘fat’ it was ‘I like her, she’s pretty’. He is pulling your pigtails. When you didn’t simper and think he’s a prize, he hurt you, it’s pathetic.

I remember calling one particular guy out on this many moons ago, all his mates laughed at him but he quietly came over later apologised and said ‘I just really liked you, and I didn’t know how to tell you.’

Don’t let this loser get to you! Onwards and upwards to finding your self worth that means you have an invisible shield of steel and bat off these pathetic attempts to belittle your awesomeness!

I can lose weight but you'll always be a cunt.
Works every time......
Don't let the bastards grind you down 💐

There’s a video of a girl walking around NY getting harrassed by various men. When she doesn’t respond to their unwanted harrassment she gets called a variety of nasty names. Stop internalising other people’s terrible behaviour. They behaved badly because they are badly behaved people. When you start to feel bad about this kind of stuff it affects all the progress you have made.

I’m at the point now where, when that kind of thing happens (it’s a criminal offence btw) I think “what an idiot” and carry on my day. Hopefully you can learn to do the same.

@EarthSight

You shouldn't even have to think of a response, but if anyone does that to you again, publicly shame them. The more people around the better, because it can be dangerous.

Wave your arms in the air and say -

'EVERYBODY - THESE TWO MEN OVER HERE (WHO I'VE JUST TRIED TO IGNORE BECAUSE I'M NOT SEXUALLY) INTERESTED THEM, WANT YOU TO ALL KNOW THAT THEY THINK I'M FAT. OK??? EVERYBODY GOT THAT? THEY THINK THAT WOMEN WHO AREN'T INTERESTED IN THEM SHOULD BE PUNISHED FOR SAYING 'NO'.

You'll probably make a real spectacle of yourself......but it might be the last time those men make such comments.

I was just going to post something similar, like point (a la Donald Sutherland style) and scream: INCEL

The first time I told some oafish bully to do one was a fucking liberating experience.
I bought the entire area to a standstill with my loud observations.
Oafish bully retreated to the exit of the shop, muttered 'bloody woman' and flounced off.

My DC 13 at the time was mortified but recounts it now, years later, with awesome

@PussGirl

Some people are just awful, like my exH who used to shout insults out of his car window to hapless women on the pavement, commenting on their appearance, especially if they were overweight.

He'd then gloat about it to me when he got home

Once he reported that he'd "licked his lips at her" when he noticed a woman looking at him while he waited at a junction, whatever the fuck he meant by that. Grim. I can't imagine she was thinking "phwoooarrh" as he was no oil painting.

And you married this cretin?

I was once called a teletubby by a bloke I ignored for making comments on a bus. He then said I must be a lesbian.