Called names in the street

[Journey2LovingYourself]

Morning Everyone,

I was walking to the station this morning when two men attempted to get my attention. I scrunched my face up and ignored them and once I had got a little further I heard "You're fat anyway" with a few chuckles.

Now I know reading this, you're probably thinking "just shrug it off" but my god, he sized up my biggest insecurity in seconds and used it to put me down. I’m not sure I know why. I’m in shock.

I just continued walking, trying to capture my thoughts and deciding that I should skip lunch for today. I fought tears with power walking to the station, I had intended on getting a salad for my lunch today but now I feel like a sad, fat girl trying to eat healthily.

I have been working really hard on myself recently and though I'm not where I want to be, I was starting to feel better about myself now this has happened and I feel this has taken me back to step 1.

I know we are not just what we look like. I’m aware that I could be in fitter shape and I am trying, but for a stranger to only see “fat” then use it to insult me is demoralizing.

Though a small interaction why do I now feel affirmed in all the negative voices in my head that tell me, everyone, who sees me, at work, on the train, in any stores, walking anywhere, in the park, at the movies, while in line for any food, sees me as only fat.

I guess what I'm trying to get at is it's so disgusting that months of determination and hard work on myself where I got to a point of feeling confident and positive can be brought down so easily by a passing insult.

Please help, why can I not shake this.

OP, the only reason he said that was because you crushed his ego, and he picked the #1 insult that is sure to make most women feel bad. I'd have yelled back that I can lose weight but he'll always be ugly and let it go. I do understand though, it is a very hurtful comment to have to hear and I don't blame you for being upset. You keep moving forward and please don't beat yourself up about it. He's a jerk and that's HIS problem, do not let it be yours too.

So sorry this happened to you. As po have said, you were attractive enough to capture their attention in the first place, the insult is obviously coming from a place of spite.

Also, I have a theory on why certain men like to use ‘fat’ as an insult. First of all, because they know women feel hurt by this. It’s an easy one to throw around and it rarely misses target. This is on a conscious level.
The second reason, I suspect, is coming from an unconscious level.

Men who are hardcore misogynists (the kind that harasses and insults women in the streets!) often feel very insecure about themselves. Fragile masculinity makes them feel threatened by any woman that doesn’t appear as weak and thus easy to dominate by them. This is why these men so often only want women who are very petite/ slim (but obviously can’t get any decent woman of any size!) . They see slimness as a sort of fysical weakness that feeds into their idea / fantasy of them being able to be the strong alpha male. These are often men that go for younger women too. They don’t want someone that’s on the same level, they want someone they can control. And this is what happened in your situation. You held your head high, refused to acknowledge this despicable loser’s existence and that made him feel threatened in his already fragile masculinity. Instead of ‘strong woman’ (what he thinks you are and what infuriates him) he called you ‘fat’ because every woman that looks like she wouldn’t be an easy target is ‘fat’ to this idiot.

This is all about him and nothing to do with you. Please don’t let this piece of shit human ruin the carefully built confidence you have. He like many men have grown up thinking they’re entitled to womens attention and pleasantries. It wouldn’t matter if you’re fat, thin, purple or made of cheese, you don’t owe strangers a response in the street and he was angry you wouldn’t give him that control.

I hate that men feel entitled to do this. They turn to insult when faced with rejection. That’s about his pride and ego don’t let him attack yours!

I respond slightly differently to most when a man tries to put me down after rejection, it’s not a for everyone I get that but it works for me.

I’ve been called fat and had my big nose pointed out. None of it is untrue. I am indeed fat and I do have a big nose. I cannot get upset at those truthful observations. I cannot expect others not to see it if I can see it and I don’t see the point in kidding myself that I’m not fat or don’t have a big nose. These are objective truths. These men’s opinions or observations of me do not matter one bit. Allowing their comments in passing (and I was even called fat when I was a size 6) to fuel existing insecurities is my choice and I chose to no longer let it hurt me. I laugh it off. I may even respond with tell me something I don’t know.

Yes I have a low opinion of my aesthetic presentation but I also don’t really care for the opinions of strangers either. Like I said it’s not for everyone but I read a quote once that no one can hurt me without my permission and I do not give them permission. It helped me.

TrishM80

he was charming when I met him & always behaved perfectly when it mattered to him, with beautiful manners

@ElectraBlue

Sorry, there is a word is missing in my post above, it should read: 'Men behave like this to keep women insecure'''

Less effective as time progresses thank god!

@ImJustMadAboutSaffron

I was once called a teletubby by a bloke I ignored for making comments on a bus. He then said I must be a lesbian.

How could you resist this prince?

As regards to fat comments just reply "more of me to love baldie/furry"

As others have said: this isn’t about you at all. Blokes like this enjoy upsetting/surprising/shocking/unsettling women, and they will say anything that is going to get a reaction. Their opinion on anything is worth jack shit. Please don’t think they are ‘just saying what everyone else is thinking’. They really, really aren’t. The vast majority of people don’t go about looking at strangers and making judgements about how fat/thin/old/ugly/attractive they are. Most people are just going about their day.

Please don’t let arsehole idiots like these have an impact on the changes you want to make for your own health.

I was far too skinny when young, but oddly they didn't comment on that. I was instead the "ugliest person they had ever seen". Got "ugly" comments frequently and it properly upset me as a teenager; I already suffered from social anxiety as it was. Now I'm old and could give as good as I get, I'm almost annoyed they don't bother any more!

On a couple of occasions, when someone has caught me smiling, I've actually had a positive comment. And then I'm a bit annoyed with myself for feeling pleased. These are not well-meant comments by someone who wants to pass on a bit of positivity. It's men rating me as if some brainless dick's opinion about whether I am fit or not is relevant. It's not. That is all.

@EarthSight

You shouldn't even have to think of a response, but if anyone does that to you again, publicly shame them. The more people around the better, because it can be dangerous.

Wave your arms in the air and say -

'EVERYBODY - THESE TWO MEN OVER HERE (WHO I'VE JUST TRIED TO IGNORE BECAUSE I'M NOT SEXUALLY) INTERESTED THEM, WANT YOU TO ALL KNOW THAT THEY THINK I'M FAT. OK??? EVERYBODY GOT THAT? THEY THINK THAT WOMEN WHO AREN'T INTERESTED IN THEM SHOULD BE PUNISHED FOR SAYING 'NO'.

You'll probably make a real spectacle of yourself......but it might be the last time those men make such comments.

👏🏻 This reminded me of a very cool woman I was at University with. We were walking into town together when a bloke driving past wound down his window and shouted ‘Hey! Beautiful girls!’ My friend was not impressed with this and when the guy then had to slow down and stop at a traffic light, friend walked into the road right next to his car, pointed at him through the open window and said loudly to me: ‘Look at this cock. Look at this absolute cock’. The bloke was so embarrassed, I though he was going to turn himself inside out. He visibly shrank in his seat. It was fucking hilarious.

@waterlego Their opinion on anything is worth jack shit.

Exactly. Just imagine their conversation, too. It will be all laddish "bants" with no idea how to have a meaningful discussion on anything.

@frozendaisy Yes he was a complete loser, making inane chat and then asked me to go to a gig with him that evening. When I said thanks but no thanks he told me I looked like a teletubby and must be gay! As he was getting off, mind. Didn't have the bottle to continue the chat!