OLD - anyone else felt like this and actually met their one

[scorpiogirly]

I signed up to Bumble. Haven't done OLD for years and I hated POF because there were a fair few weirdos on there.

I keep swiping left. Asking myself who the hell are these men? They are unfamiliar, they seem like aliens to me, they may as well be from another planet.

Has anyone else felt like this and mat someone special?

It's not a poor me thing as the majority of people I've met have been nice and good company. If it was bad date after bad date and rejection I'd be thinking yeah it's on me.

I just don't understand why it's so hard to get the matches etc!

Or the research is twaddle.
And the complaints are without foundation or evidence.
My own idea is most of the men complaining have either trouble communicating, dress like a twist or look like gollum. Or all 3.

@Hrpuffnstuff1

Or the research is twaddle. And the complaints are without foundation or evidence. My own idea is most of the men complaining have either trouble communicating, dress like a twist or look like gollum. Or all 3.

The research isn't though. It's mentioned time and again.

But all the complaints on these pages are perfectly balanced, reasonable by the well adjusted... yadda yadda yadda...and nothing changes. It's hard to see why :)

Same in RL tho’. I rejected a man repeatedly who asked me out (hobby club) then met him by accident one day in the supermarket, went for a coffee he is THE ONE! (Or maybe not, but the one for now 😀)

just don't understand why it's so hard to get the matches etc

It can depend on the website
It can depend if your profile is a decent reflection
Of your true self
Also the coverage where you are
Are you city or country ?

You’ve had some dates so presumable you have
Matched with some people ?

I believe the data says something like women right swipe around 5% of the time whereas men right swipe 40-50% of the time so there is a big disparity. The data also does suggest that those 5% of right swipes are predominantly on the same group of men which ties into what @Casper001 is saying.

Do I blame women for this? No. If I knew a large number of people I swipe right on would end up as a match I would be equally picky.

Could it be that women make more effort with their appearance hence why the majority of men get rejected?
Without wanting to upset anyone, take 45 year olds for example.
The average 45 year old woman will be better looking than the average 45 year old man. That is because women put more effort into how they look.
Unfortunately the patriarchy has been lying to men. Telling them it's ok to not care, to let nature take its course. That putting up a picture of you with thinning, grey clumps of hair, wrinkled, chubby face. Overweight, wearing any old tatty, unironed, unflattering clothes whilst standing beside your better looking, groomed mate, that good looking attractive, intelligent, hard working women will find you attractive.
No. It's not true. Women are attracted to looks too. Especially if they can pick and choose and don't need you as father material, and possibly want a good time and sex.
Women are pressurised to take care with appearances. They want to see the same in a partner. That is not to say that looks are everything but that is what you have to go on with online dating.
The 5% statistic reflects that the majority of men are not making an effort, or at least not the same effort as women.
If your profile picture isn't good then you really aren't selling it.
Think curb appeal as the house doctor used to say.

If a 45 year old woman turned up with a grey razor cut, wrinkled fat face. Wearing baggy, ill fitting worn out jeans, with an old band t shirt and a pair of trainers thrown on. Would you be impressed if you had gone to the trouble of spending time and effort on your appearance?

Yes I'd agree with that.

I also think a lot of attributes that women find attractive in a man can't be displayed over a short bio and a few 2d pictures.

As always my advice is to get off the apps and aim to meet someone out in the real world.

I met my partner on Badoo. Had been on POF but tbh full of weirdos. Met my partner with no expectations in fact expected to be home in an hour to watch strictly after our first meet up. That will be 7 years on February 14. Yup first met on valentines day. He turned up with a bunch of flowers. He is a keeper x

@Onlinedilema

Could it be that women make more effort with their appearance hence why the majority of men get rejected? Without wanting to upset anyone, take 45 year olds for example. The average 45 year old woman will be better looking than the average 45 year old man. That is because women put more effort into how they look. Unfortunately the patriarchy has been lying to men. Telling them it's ok to not care, to let nature take its course. That putting up a picture of you with thinning, grey clumps of hair, wrinkled, chubby face. Overweight, wearing any old tatty, unironed, unflattering clothes whilst standing beside your better looking, groomed mate, that good looking attractive, intelligent, hard working women will find you attractive. No. It's not true. Women are attracted to looks too. Especially if they can pick and choose and don't need you as father material, and possibly want a good time and sex. Women are pressurised to take care with appearances. They want to see the same in a partner. That is not to say that looks are everything but that is what you have to go on with online dating. The 5% statistic reflects that the majority of men are not making an effort, or at least not the same effort as women. If your profile picture isn't good then you really aren't selling it. Think curb appeal as the house doctor used to say.

I don't think many men realize this, they need to smarten themselves up. No matches 'equals' bad initial image. The dad bod is a lie, as is pale skin, stupid beards, unruly body hair. Poorly fitting old-fashioned clothes. And the chat, hi you're gorgeous or hello beautiful wtf, stop saying that you idiots. Know your audience too, they just plow on with the same inane boring patter. I and a friend used to compare notes, we used to howl at some of the chats from the men. Hi babe, how's your day. On and on. She'd say, I just want him to ask me out.

However, I'd say, good-looking 45yr old plus men and women are in short supply.
I started at 44 finally got off old at 46 after meeting a 34 yr old woman. My age range was set from 30-45, I dated the odd person below 30, most dates came from the 34-40 age group of women.

@Sidge

I met my wonderful boyfriend on Bumble. Had to sift through an awful lot of dross though.

OLD requires a thick skin, strong boundaries, clear goals and a ruthless swiping/sifting procedure.

This is the best OLD advice I’ve read on here 👍🏻

This is where I realised that while my DH and I had broken up for a reason, a month of silence apart massively helped us understand what we need, what didn’t work and how to overcome.

I spent a couple of years of dates, ghosting, catfish and randoms to then find my DH who is loving, handsome and perfect.

We had our on off relationship for a bit but following real hard time apart with no contact, I fell back in love with him and it wasn’t that I missed him, it was just me realising that there wasn’t anything that wrong to warrant going out there to find someone else. Call it better the devil you know but I know he’ll never cheat, treats me well and just, like me, needed some time out to figure what we both valued.

@Shyla867

I wanted to join bumble, but they filter you down by location and GPS which I didn't like.

I think you are wise there.

I don’t know much about OLD, but my DS (20) is on Tinder, he recently met a woman (18) he met her outside where she works, went for a coffee, walked her home.

I couldn’t believe the amount of information she gave away on a first date, I know any woman would be safe with my son, he’s respectful, polite etc. But I would be worried for her if that is what this young woman usually does. It just doesn’t feel safe at all.

Am I out of touch? Not been dating for 30 years, but I would have never told a first date, exactly where I lived & my work address.

Similar things happen to men.
After an exchange with one woman who cut me off dead after I mentioned I wasn't well travelled. I too got to this point that I wasn't going to bother anymore.I bought my house decorated it

This wasn't the first time that type of thing had occurred. I also been stood up on dates. Blah, Blah blah, it was so depressing.
If this is 21st century dating then I felt I was better off opting out and concentrating on me. Which I have. i bought my house, decorated it, went back to the gym, expanded my motorcycling hobby and now Im going part time at work
You have to do whatever makes you happy, if theres a meeting of minds with another person Happy days, if not, crack on making yourself happy .
With all these thing YMMV

I don’t think there are that many people that we can truly connect with at a level that will go the real distance. The pool of people we evolved with was so much smaller. Even 20 years ago.

It now seems that there is infinite choice for everyone and the whole this is now monetised to create billions in revenue. The apps want you to be searching and swiping, they make a lot of revenue from it.

Find someone decent, make it work. The OLD gauntlet is a full time job!

Hi. Met my lovely DH on tinder almost 3 years ago.....but there are a hell of a lot of frogs.
He had written a really funny profile, which made me laugh. He still makes me laugh. It’s the sexiest thing ever.