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Original poster

OLD - anyone else felt like this and actually met their one

92 replies

scorpiogirly · 08/01/2022 22:45

I signed up to Bumble. Haven't done OLD for years and I hated POF because there were a fair few weirdos on there.

I keep swiping left. Asking myself who the hell are these men? They are unfamiliar, they seem like aliens to me, they may as well be from another planet.

Has anyone else felt like this and mat someone special?

OP posts:
ToxicPoppy · 09/01/2022 02:51

I joined POF 6 months ago, and was on the verge of giving up after receiving messages from a whole load of weirdos, when I got a message off a guy who seemed different. He didn’t send inappropriate pictures, was well spoken and respectful, and didn’t ask me for anything inappropriate. I gave him a chance, and it’s the best thing I ever did. He’s amazing and I’m falling more in love with him every day and can’t imagine life without him now. There are some genuinely good guys out there, they take some weeding out though that’s for sure!

Casper001 · 09/01/2022 06:18

Genuinely interested as to what it is that's so disturbing about these men on Bumble (hoping I'm not one of them).

The dynamics of OLD are pretty bad and only really suit a small group of men that get the interest (and hence behave badly). I think women don't really help themselves either as the majority give their interest to a small group of men so are in part driving this.

HMG107 · 09/01/2022 06:21

I met my husband on Bumble. We know have a 2yo girl and are very happy together.

sofato5miles · 09/01/2022 06:35

I met my boyfriend by accident on Tinder. His photos where terrible and i coined him 'golf dad'. He is so sexy in RL that i cannot believe my luck! I was showing a single friend how to use tinder, a bit drunk on a friday night. His bio was chatty and he swiped right when we were on the app. I matched back, saying he'll be a chatter and i was right so i could give her a proper tutorial. But he turned out to be funny and clever so i went with the flow. Met him and kissed 3 days later and have never looked back. He is the outlier i have been looking for all my life.

The irony is that he was not only not my type but someone i would have probably avoided. Fate intervened.

Oh and btw he was my 17th date off tinder in 3 years. I was his first..

Totalwasteofpaper · 09/01/2022 06:43

@SunsetsAndLollypops

There is an overwhelmingly high percentage of awful men on OLD sites op. However there are some good ones. I remember reading a thread on here a while ago where someone said it’s almost worth treating it like a second job… it’s hard and tiring but there are decent men on them. Me personally I’ve met and had short term relationships with 2 men from old and I’m currently very hopeful with one on getting g to know. It’s a long slog though
It may well have been me. 😂

I used to do regular "shifts" when OLD
Sunday 4-8pm is/was primetime for matching and setting up dates.
Monday eve was generslly follow ups on Sunday leads.
Might do a bit 9f matching/chat on AM/PM commute.
Wed and thu evenings were prime first date slots.
I'd do 10-20hours per week.

Lots of aspects I wasn't keen on amd def felt similar to OP at the start...

It took a while but I found my now DH and am 32 weeks pregnant!! so worked out okay for me in the end!

bettertocryinamercedes · 09/01/2022 06:59

I let my husband on match - we got chatting and I instantly knew he was the one.
Met a week later and within 9 days he had asked me to marry him.

He's a keeper 😉

Thisisworsethananticpated · 09/01/2022 07:08

I joined this week but have been in a very negative January slump mood
So that impacts my swiping and will to chat
How can I flirt when I’m in a bad mood !

I also meet someone I really liked on tinder , from his first message we just clicked

I’m pausing till I feel a bit happier as it’s a waste of time otherwise

KiloWhat · 09/01/2022 07:27

Yup. You just have to be reaaaallly fussy.

isthismylifenow · 09/01/2022 07:32

@Shyla867

I wanted to join bumble, but they filter you down by location and GPS which I didn't like.
I was on Tinder a few years back and deleted that after a while. More recently I joined Bumble, thinking that the postive to this app is that the woman has to message first. I think the idea is good for various reasons, but this has its downsides as well.

Firstly, once you swipe the person away you don't get the option to swipe them again if you change your mind, like Tinder. They don't come up again. So it does put some pressure on to swipe right even if it is just a maybe at the time. And when you first join you will get the whole deck of cards if you like, so I felt there were a lot of possible, but not sure. So once they swipe on you as well, you only have 24 hrs to message them. So I my case on the first day, I had about 30 matches to message, otherwise they fall away. It can be a bit overwhelming.

Second, I found those that I did get into a conversation with and ended up meeting, expected me to take the lead all the time. I felt like because I messaged first, in their mind, it was more for me to pursue iyswim.

I don't know, it was just very odd and I noticed the difference from Tinder straight away.

And then having to think of something to say as a first message over and over is quite draining too. I didnt think just a hi there is a good opener.

I am on neither now. It was too time consuming and mentally draining.

Tulipsandviolets · 09/01/2022 07:35

In my experience of od there were a lot of married men pretending to be single, a lot of old pervs and some complete weirdo's. One or two genuine nice guy's but a hell of a lot of dross.

Moiraroseswigs · 09/01/2022 07:43

Met my husband on Tinder. I know another married couple who met on Tinder and one on Bumble. I swiped on him because I thought he sounded vaguely funny. He now makes me laugh every day.

Moiraroseswigs · 09/01/2022 07:45

I meant to add that before meeting him, I regularly felt like OP did and often took breaks from online dating as I would get so disheartened.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 09/01/2022 07:49

I had a lovely 7 year relationship with an OLD match.

My best mate married the man she met on OLD, 10 years and 2 kids later all very happy.

gogohm · 09/01/2022 08:17

I was really despondent, had bad messages, met a few people and they were all horrid but then I messaged dp and it just clicked. He actually came off old before we met in person he was so convinced! Yes good men are out there but you have to filter through the terrible ones. I had no luck with bumble or tinder but met dp on a paid for site, elite

JangolinaPitt · 09/01/2022 08:47

Watching with interest. I am dating a lovely man but it is very on off and because of his past insecurities I’m not sure he will be along term prospect, but it has ‘woken me up’ after a dead marriage abs so if/when this ends I will foray into OLD -really interesting to see how it works.

wheresmymojo · 09/01/2022 09:22

Out of my friendship group of 9 women...

  • 2 met their DH's in real life
  • 6 of us met our DH/DP OLD
  • 1 single

I went on nearly 50 first dates before meeting my DH!

Beachgirl33 · 09/01/2022 09:55

OLD is hard and quite draining. You need to be resilient and I recommend taking breaks from it for your sanity. Also the more I did it I spent less time investing in getting to know people before actually meeting them. I met men for a quick coffee fairly quickly - a week or so into chatting. Although put under pressure to I never stopped chatting to a range of men until I had met one a couple of times and started ‘dating’ them as such, then I focused on them.

After many many dates with many men and a number of breaks from it (and also quite a lot of fun experiences Grin) I met my husband. Good luck x

EarthSight · 09/01/2022 10:49

@scorpiogirly

I signed up to Bumble. Haven't done OLD for years and I hated POF because there were a fair few weirdos on there.

I keep swiping left. Asking myself who the hell are these men? They are unfamiliar, they seem like aliens to me, they may as well be from another planet.

Has anyone else felt like this and mat someone special?

Online dating is like a catalogue, and that isn't how a lot of people are using to meeting others. It's very still, static and abstract. Human beings are used to seeing how someone moves, walks, firms facial expressions, hearing their voice. There's a lot of missing information.

That's so sweet @kottontail . I live in a rural area, so the possibility of this happening around here is really, really high.....for good & bad! Could be awkward! No one wants to see the dating profiles of their extended family online for example! Horrendous!!!

EarthSight · 09/01/2022 10:52

The nice stories on here as so sweet!

DrFoxtrot · 09/01/2022 11:22

@bloodywhitecat Thanks thank goodness you found each other and have had this precious short time together.

OP, I met my boyfriend on Bumble 2.5yrs ago, I was looking for a 'quality' man, someone with a profile who sounded like he had something about him. None of this 'school of hard knocks' shite. I wasn't massively drawn by his photos and when we matched I did not send him a message within the required 24 hours Blush. The match would have expired but he had a paid account and the ability to extend the match.

When he extended the match, I felt he deserved a message - we instantly clicked over messages, met for a date soon after and we are still very happy together. I can't believe I nearly let him slip through my fingers.

My tip would be to swipe right on those with a decent profile even though you might not immediately be attracted physically to them. Unless it's an absolute no, try to keep an open mind.

Frazzled2207 · 09/01/2022 11:24

There are a LOT of dodgy men on OLD. But there are some good ones in there, promise. Including my dh. Keep at it.

HeyBlaby · 09/01/2022 11:37

I was lucky to meet my OH on Tinder, the only person I spoke to/met after trawling through many awful/weird profiles. I honestly had little hope and was convinced on the way to meeting him for the first time that it was a waste and he would definitely end up being weird or totally unsuitable.

He hadn't been so lucky and had quite a few dates before me, from someone who didn't talk at all to someone who got so drunk they couldn't stand and cried about their ex Shock

OrlandointheWilderness · 09/01/2022 11:49

I was on tinder for a day before deleting it and I went on bumble. I felt the same as you OP, I hated it. I was only on it for 3 days sporadically before I saw someone who stopped me and actually caught my attention. I'd actually seen his profile before on a different site before I was ready to date and noticed him. He didn't have any text on it or anything which normally I don't like and his pictures weren't the best, but nevertheless I felt drawn to him.
Been together 7 months now and so far he is wonderful.

Gettingonwithit12 · 09/01/2022 11:49

@wheresmymojo

Out of my friendship group of 9 women...
  • 2 met their DH's in real life
  • 6 of us met our DH/DP OLD
  • 1 single

I went on nearly 50 first dates before meeting my DH!

50 first dates!! Oh my goodness, I’ve only been doing it for 3 months and I’m already jaded and worn out. It was obviously worth persevering though, I’m glad you met your one!

I am finding it very hard going, even the ones I think seem nice turn out to be strange, or just seem to disappear. I am heartened by these positive stories.

RevolvingPivot · 09/01/2022 11:53

@bloodywhitecat

I married my accidental right swipe from Tinder, swiping him right instead of left was the best mistake I ever made.
Out if interest. What made your reply to his message if you didn't like the immediate look / sound of him?