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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Daughter attacked *trigger warning*

70 replies

mumof3anddog22 · 08/01/2022 14:54

Name changed for this.

Will try not to drip feed and some details will be changed .

Had a phone call off my daughter. She had spilt with her ex last year.
This was due to violence , coercive behaviour, drugs & alcohol.

Had radio silence from daughter since weekend , we normally speak or message daily. I was getting no answer. Wasn't unduly worried though, she has her own life and was back in contact with friends.

2 days ago she phoned her dad.
It transpires that the ex visited my daughter on pretence of collecting forgotten belongings.
Daughter let them in.
The ex then proceeded to hit her badly.
Took her keys and phone off her.
This was over a few days.

She sent me photos of her injuries, she needed medical attention.
Contacted the police who were fantastic, 3 hour statement. Then we went a&e , couldn't fault them. Even though signs saying relatives not allowed , she was classed as a special circumstance. Body map done, doctors really good , she was given fluids as not eaten or drunk for days as unable due to injuries.
Photos taken. The only place no injuries was soles of her feet. The doctor asked me to contact the police to say discharged from a&e & brief summary of injuries.
The police have referred her to an idva (?)

Daughter is now in a safe house.
I know where she is as well as her dad.
I'm worried sick.

What happens now? The ex is homeless and awol? How long before they arrest? The police said they need the proof first.
The ex is now trying to contact her on different numbers , some withheld .
I've got a spare phone and sim so thinking of using that ? I'm lost. Never been in this situation before.
Any advice
Thank you

OP posts:
comfortablyfrumpy · 08/01/2022 15:03

Sorry, I have no advice but am bumping this for you- and I just want to wish your daughter well. Flowers

Thiswayorthatway · 08/01/2022 15:07

www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/

mumof3anddog22 · 08/01/2022 15:09

Thank you @comfortablyfrumpy
When they did the body map last night, I felt sick to my stomach.
I feel a failure as a parent. I was meant to keep her safe. I know she doesn't live with me anymore but the maternal instincts are still strong.
We have alerts on our address in case ex turns up her. Also at the siblings address. It's a mess 😔

OP posts:
mumof3anddog22 · 08/01/2022 15:11

@Thiswayorthatway thank you I have sent her the link.
I never thought of them. My head is a bloody mess.

OP posts:
mumof3anddog22 · 09/01/2022 16:36

The ex has been arrested . Police have been really helpful and doing their best to safeguard.
They want the ex remanded due to the high risk but suppose that's up to the courts.

OP posts:
mbosnz · 09/01/2022 16:55

I am so sorry this happened to your daughter. Your job, as I see it, at this point, is not to keep her safe, given that she has left the nest, that's even more impossible than when they're still in it (and that's hard enough).

Your job now, is to be there for her, to support her in any which way she needs, and you can. To love her unconditionally, not to add to her burden of self guilt, blame which is very hard to avoid (even when totally unwarranted). And you're doing that.

You're a good Mum.

mumof3anddog22 · 10/01/2022 15:34

Ex was released this morning. Daughter had phone call early this morning off the police. Don't know what the bail conditions are , so waiting for investigating officer to phone.

OP posts:
comfortablyfrumpy · 10/01/2022 20:03

Thar must be worrying, OP. I hope your daughter is OK x

Tigertigertigertiger · 10/01/2022 20:14

Why on earth has he been released ?
Your poor daughter. She is fortunate having a good mum like you x

mumof3anddog22 · 11/01/2022 12:11

Still no contact regarding bail conditions from the police. I can only imagine the cps want more proof 🤷🏻‍♀️
Apparently it can take up to 2 weeks for medical records to be released.
She's absolutely gutted and feels like a prisoner.
I can guess the bail conditions, but until we actually hear what they are.
No contact either off the idva so she's making a self referral.
Think I've had every emotion this week and suck on anger atm that this person is walking about free and my daughter is scared to leave where she is.

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 11/01/2022 12:47

I'm so sorry!! Awful for you all.

Not sure why he has been released! She is pressing charges?

mumof3anddog22 · 11/01/2022 13:01

Yes she is pressing charges , but this morning had a wobble of dropping it all. Told her not to. Because then the ex has won. She has mentioned to the police about the previous assaults she reported , then the ex twisted it and she dropped the charges.
Can those be used even though historical?

OP posts:
comfortablyfrumpy · 14/01/2022 13:19

I hope your daughter is OK, it sounds horrendous what she has been through and is going through. I hope her ex is no longer on bail.

comfortablyfrumpy · 14/01/2022 13:19

... sorry meant to say no longer bail ie locked up, rather than being allowed free IYSWIM.

mumof3anddog22 · 26/02/2022 08:00

A not very good up date.
The charges were dropped. The police never accessed her medical records.
The ex contacted her again.
My daughter is on icu, intubated after taking a massive over dose.
Taking each day as we can.

OP posts:
Letmedowneasy · 26/02/2022 08:04

I am so sorry, what a nightmare for you. I hope that your daughter heals and begins to recover soon.

laundryelf · 26/02/2022 08:09

Awful news, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family, 💐.

BeetyAxe · 26/02/2022 08:22

Oh my goodness, I am so so sorry. I will think of your daughter and pray that she pulls through. I am sorry that the incompetence of the police has led to this, and of course the actions of that disgusting human being who has done this to your daughter. Flowers

Charley50 · 26/02/2022 08:23

@mumof3anddog22

A not very good up date. The charges were dropped. The police never accessed her medical records. The ex contacted her again. My daughter is on icu, intubated after taking a massive over dose. Taking each day as we can.
This is devastating just to read about. So sorry you are all going through this. Shocking that charges were not pressed. Hope your daughter is well soon. Police and CPS yet again failing women.
imip · 26/02/2022 08:26

I am so sorry to hear this, what a bastard. I have sat next to my daughter also in hospital when she overdosed and understand the sense of helplessness - hang in there x

LittleMG · 26/02/2022 08:28

Oh no op 😞 I’m so sorry. Dreadful situation, and that bastard walks free!

ElleGB · 26/02/2022 08:29

I am so sorry to read your update.

Why did the police not access the records? Can you raise hell? Who could you even complain to?

The support for victims of domestic violence is disgusting, I don’t have any words I’m just so sorry you’re going through this x

MinnieJackson · 26/02/2022 08:32

I'm so so sorry for your poor daughter and family.

mellongoose · 26/02/2022 08:36

@mumof3anddog22

A not very good up date. The charges were dropped. The police never accessed her medical records. The ex contacted her again. My daughter is on icu, intubated after taking a massive over dose. Taking each day as we can.
I'm so sorry and all the best for you and your daughter.

This needs to be escalated asap. A good way to do this is via your MP's office to the Police & Crime Commissioner.

cutebutscary · 26/02/2022 08:54

That's terrible news. I'm
So very sorry.