Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Daughter attacked *trigger warning*

70 replies

mumof3anddog22 · 08/01/2022 14:54

Name changed for this.

Will try not to drip feed and some details will be changed .

Had a phone call off my daughter. She had spilt with her ex last year.
This was due to violence , coercive behaviour, drugs & alcohol.

Had radio silence from daughter since weekend , we normally speak or message daily. I was getting no answer. Wasn't unduly worried though, she has her own life and was back in contact with friends.

2 days ago she phoned her dad.
It transpires that the ex visited my daughter on pretence of collecting forgotten belongings.
Daughter let them in.
The ex then proceeded to hit her badly.
Took her keys and phone off her.
This was over a few days.

She sent me photos of her injuries, she needed medical attention.
Contacted the police who were fantastic, 3 hour statement. Then we went a&e , couldn't fault them. Even though signs saying relatives not allowed , she was classed as a special circumstance. Body map done, doctors really good , she was given fluids as not eaten or drunk for days as unable due to injuries.
Photos taken. The only place no injuries was soles of her feet. The doctor asked me to contact the police to say discharged from a&e & brief summary of injuries.
The police have referred her to an idva (?)

Daughter is now in a safe house.
I know where she is as well as her dad.
I'm worried sick.

What happens now? The ex is homeless and awol? How long before they arrest? The police said they need the proof first.
The ex is now trying to contact her on different numbers , some withheld .
I've got a spare phone and sim so thinking of using that ? I'm lost. Never been in this situation before.
Any advice
Thank you

OP posts:
Tarne · 26/02/2022 08:55

DV is attempted murder. Please find out who your MP is and let them know. Women are murdered every week by their ex partners and husbands it's a national scandal. So common it doesn't make headlines. Please don't let this rest x

AgathaMystery · 26/02/2022 09:00

I am so sorry to read this update. Sending so much love to you all.

comfortablyfrumpy · 26/02/2022 09:02

That's awful, OP.
Thinking of you and your daughter Flowers
How could they ignore her medical records.
I agree, get in touch with your MP. Make a formal complaint.
Sending love and strength for you both x

ThreeLocusts · 26/02/2022 09:05

Oh OP, I'm so sorry. I hope your daughter recovers quickly. I also hope that you find a way to light a fire under the police's ass, but most of all I wish you all healing and safety.

HollowTalk · 26/02/2022 09:05

I'm so sorry. I can't believe someone thought it was a good idea to release him. It's really shocking. I hope your daughter makes a full recovery 💐

worriedandannoyed · 26/02/2022 09:06

This is absolutely heartbreaking.
Amending you so much strength, I hope your daughter comes through this. The legal system has failed you all, I'm so sorry

mumof3anddog22 · 26/02/2022 09:14

I managed to access her phone. Felt bad doing it but wanted answers.

Going to see her again now. I'm being let in as I work there 😭
I know she's in good hands , being looked after by colleagues.

It's not a him. Same sex. Think that's what police still find hard to understand.

Thank you for your messages of support

OP posts:
FAQs · 26/02/2022 09:19

Oh my goodness that’s terrible, I think you have two issues here, first to be with your daughter and the second when you are both stronger is to get this reviewed and ask why the CPS took that decision, once you know that you’ll no where to direct your complaint/concerns to. Your poor daughter, makes me so fecking angry.

Greenhillfaraway · 26/02/2022 09:22

Thinking of you and your daughter Flowers

Dragongirl10 · 26/02/2022 09:25

So very sorry op, keep the pressure up MP, police, even press.

CandyLeBonBon · 26/02/2022 09:35

Bloody hell that's awful op. Thanks

billy1966 · 26/02/2022 09:39

You poor woman, your poor daughter.

I am so sorry.Flowers

LowlandLucky · 26/02/2022 09:42

Oh my, how awful for you. Wishing you and your Daughter love and hope Flowers

kittensinthekitchen · 26/02/2022 10:09

Oh no I'm so sorry to hear your daughter is in hospital. I have everything crossed for a full and speedy recovery

Georgeskitchen · 26/02/2022 10:18

Angry sad and devastated for your daughter and for you
Sending strength and hope x

Tilltheend99 · 26/02/2022 10:21

Wow really sorry op Flowers Obviously there is a million things on your mind right now number one being your daughter. I really hope she pulls through. But at some point I think you should complain to the ipcc about the poor handling of your daughter’s case that let to this. Again so so sorry. It seems that women experiencing violence are being constantly let down at the moment www.policeconduct.gov.uk/complaints-reviews-and-appeals/make-complaint

StaplesCorner · 26/02/2022 10:59

OP there is domestic violence charity specifically for LGBTQ+ and they have a helpline which is open to victims, friends and families - I bet they'd have some specific advice and support for you and your daughter. But in the meantime, obviously her recovery is your no. 1 concern I am so sorry you are both going through this.

galop.org.uk

Unsure33 · 26/02/2022 11:05

Do you know why charges dropped ? It does not make any difference if same sex surely assault is assault whether domestic or not ?

I would be kicking up big time .

KoalafiedAwesome · 26/02/2022 11:11

It shouldn't make a difference that it's same-sex domestic abuse. I would honestly get in contact with a LGBT charity specialising in DV for advice - they often have both legal bodies and counselling bodies who can advice. Galop mentioned above are well regarded in this field.

I would also be looking into raising a complaint within the police service.

I am so sorry for what you are all going through and hope your daughter recovers quickly.

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/02/2022 11:12

I am so sorry. Wishing your dd a speedy recovery. Flowers

DePfeffoff · 26/02/2022 11:26

I think there's a procedure whereby you can make a formal request for the review of a decision to drop charges, and certainly if the police never accessed the medical records it sounds like you have very good grounds. I suggest you contact the police station ASAP to ask about it. Alternatively you could contact lawyers with expertise in actions against the police, e.g. Hickman and Rose, Irwin Mitchell or Deighton Peirce Glynn.

mumof3anddog22 · 26/02/2022 11:30

She's been extubated!
She's on nasal cannula . But still early days.
It was a relief to hear her croak 😭

OP posts:
PastMyBestBeforeDate · 26/02/2022 11:32

That's scandalous. Your poor daughter Flowers

Name99 · 26/02/2022 11:39

Thought to you and your daughter x

NeverChange · 26/02/2022 12:18

Your poor daughter.

Her health is priority right now but once she's recovered, she needs to talk to police about barring/safety/restraining order etc.

You also need to get an explanation about the dropped charges and complain about it.