Wanted me to wear make up to bed

[JerkintheMerkin]

My EXP used to ask me to wear make up to bed. I never did but it got me thinking - would you be offended if your partner asked you the same?

@Skeumorph

Make up as a treat for your partner?!

Just drill down into how weird that is. 'For one magical hour longer, you can pretend I actually look like this' -???

Come on, now. An hour?

DP almost inconceivably thinks I'm beautiful with my panda dark circles, half beard and the body of a wax goddess left in front of the fire too long.

90 seconds of concealer, a smudge of eyeshadow and some mascara and he's burbling with happiness. Hell, I even think I won't scare quite so many small children. I'm fine with the once a month because I've got a fancy meeting to attend makeup being worn briefly to have him see with his eyes something more like he sees with his heart as I crash out on the sofa as soon as I get home.

Its funny how you get used to certain things in life and they become norm. You do not think about it or question it until someone else brings it up. Whenever I would have sex with my ex I would put some sexy outfit on, light a few candles and put some soft music on, for 25 years. I always thought this was ok, our way of getting into the mood and assumed everyone else does it too. But last few years I started questioning it. It started with him buying me some lingerie, and then more, and then some “toys” and some more. I was thinking why is he doing this? Am I not good enough just as I am? Does he have to “dress” me to make me desirable. Do we have to turn the lights off? Do we have to “make” an atmosphere with music and candles to be able to be intimate? I felt offended by him buying me those clothes and toys, so one day I said, no. Why do I have to wear all this and why do you keep buying me these things? If I need an effing vibrator, I will buy it myself. I am still unsure about all this, how to feel about it. I cannot describe it, but I just feel it was wrong, I was somehow violated, disrespected, put down. I do not know.

@Interrobanger

Yes I’d be offended. I’d ask him to wear a bigger dick to bed.

Everyone seems to be getting overly offended by the request! You'd all happily slap on makeup for complete strangers (and don't give me that guff about "ooh, it's for myself, not for anyone else" - make no mistake, makeup is for public show) but then choose to look like something the cat dragged in for your partners and expect them to put up or shut up?!

I think it is nice to look your best for your partner but poor form to explicitly ask.

When I (very rarely) wear make up it’s because I want to. That’s absolutely for me. Of course it also has to do with other people, but only to an extent - I’m not doing it for them, because most of the time I don’t want to wear it, so I don’t - I couldn’t give a shit what others might think of that. If I do put a little on it’s because of how it makes me feel, not for the benefit of others, and certainly not for the male gaze. Indirectly, sure, of course it’s driven by social aspects, but on a personal level it’s absolutely one hundred percent for me.

I also don’t look like something the cat dragged in if I choose not to wear make up. I look perfectly fine without it - neat, tidy, well put together and well groomed in the ways that matter to me.

I might dress up for him, get made up for him, whatever, if I want to. But I’m the deciding factor.

We’ve got a great relationship, a great sex life and great intimacy. If at any point he decides that my not being made up for him or for sex is a deal breaker, I’ll be showing him the exit or locating it myself.

@TrishM80

Everyone seems to be getting overly offended by the request! You'd all happily slap on makeup for complete strangers (and don't give me that guff about "ooh, it's for myself, not for anyone else" - make no mistake, makeup is for public show) but then choose to look like something the cat dragged in for your partners and expect them to put up or shut up?!

I think suits are sexy. I don’t expect him to be suited and booted in his own home. Somehow, I manage to still find him sexy whilst he’s in comfortable clothing in our shared space and when he goes to sleep in his boxers.

That’s what my understanding of a relationship is. If it’s not yours, then grand. I hope you and your partner are very happy being fully titivated at all times. Most people don’t care to live like that.

I also don’t think that either of us, at any point, looks like something the cat dragged in. The assumption that a woman’s options are to either be fully made up or look terrible is an odd one.

Everyone seems to be getting overly offended by the request! You'd all happily slap on makeup for complete strangers (and don't give me that guff about "ooh, it's for myself, not for anyone else" - make no mistake, makeup is for public show) but then choose to look like something the cat dragged in for your partners and expect them to put up or shut up?! for the first time in my approximately 18 years posting on mn I’m going to hazard a guess that you’re a man.

But as it happens, I don’t put makeup on for anyone. and neither do I look like something the cat dragged in without it. and any man who told me that could fuck right off.

@Interrobanger

Yes I’d be offended. I’d ask him to wear a bigger dick to bed.

🤣^ But seriously, no way would I wear make up in bed or any other time I didn’t feel like it.

Tbf I probably would have produced a paper bag with precut eye holes and told him i'd prefer it if he wore that to bed. 😁

I've realised reading this that I fundamentally assume all men dislike makeup and would rather women didn't wear it, that women only wear it for themselves. Clearly not true. But the idea that it's a treat for a guy is really odd to me.

Oooo is it these by any chance @user1481840227???

😂😋

I do wear makeup, but generally when I am at home my face is makeup free, and I am in comfy clothes. My DP really couldn’t care.

@Iamblossom

Yes of course - that would be absurd, very bad for your skin and ruinous to your bed linen. And absurd.

That would all be the least of my concerns. It's insulting!!!!

I would need full body makeup as well. I believe MAC do it