Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DP called me a C*nt and said me and DD need to leave?

75 replies

JamieTartt · 04/01/2022 08:39

It started with a silly argument because he couldn't find his jeans and I said in jest well I won't sort your clothes anymore.

This spiralled (mainly him, I was slack jaw comforting poor DD) to him calling me insane, a cunt, telling me that me and DD had to move out. Things are a bit tricky to sort today as DD is at home and I don't want to frighten her.
I'm thinking I take her uniform etc to my mum's house and my work stuff for tomorrow and sleep there tonight. It's not a long term fix as not enough beds. But MIL is MIL is on holiday for a fortnight so I'm hoping she will let me house sit for those days and by that time I will have a clearer picture what is going on?

OP posts:
TheGoldenWolfFleece · 04/01/2022 08:40

Whose house is it that you live in? Is your dd his?

SameToo · 04/01/2022 08:41

As above, who’s house is it?

girlmom21 · 04/01/2022 08:42

Is your daughter his?

Original poster
JamieTartt · 04/01/2022 08:44

We both own the house. DD is his.
Sorry trying to entertain DD at the same time.

OP posts:
ApolloandDaphne · 04/01/2022 08:45

Is this a one off or is there a backstory here?

HomeTheatreSystem · 04/01/2022 08:48

Whar kind of a decent father would rather turf their own child out of the family home like that, instead of leaving themselves?
He sounds demented.
Do you think this could escalate to a physical attack on either of you if you stay?

AuntieStella · 04/01/2022 08:50

Is he a DH or a DP?

The exact language is neither here nor there, some people have a potty mouth.

But flying off the handle for what should be a minor household dispute is not good. Has he done stuff like this before, because it does seem like a total overreaction for a one off.

If you are going to move out, then take important paperwork with you.

But why is it you that is going? What are the best interests if your DD in this?

SunnyLeaf · 04/01/2022 08:50

Why would you just accept you and DD moving out if you own it equally? He can’t just tell you to leave

KatyAnna · 04/01/2022 08:51

Wow, that’s rough. I expected you to say he was not Dd’s father, not that this would make it better, of course, but to say that to the mother of his child and his own child, to move out? He is the one who should be leaving while you work out what is what. Not you removing DD from her home.

TheGoldenWolfFleece · 04/01/2022 08:52

Why should you be the one to move out? If he wants space he can get out.

toomuchlaundry · 04/01/2022 08:54

Why can’t he go to his mum’s house rather than you?

Original poster
JamieTartt · 04/01/2022 08:55

We don't usually argue. We occasionally bicker but rarely blow out arguments. He is the higher earner (I work part time and am starting maternity leave in March). I did say DD would be better to stay here as I will not be able to afford much on my own with her and a baby on maternity pay. But he ignored that and said I was lazy.

OP posts:
ldontWanna · 04/01/2022 08:56

If things are that bad and he can't live with you anymore then he should move out and be the one asking for favours and housesitting his mum's house.

Topseyt · 04/01/2022 08:59

@JamieTartt

We don't usually argue. We occasionally bicker but rarely blow out arguments. He is the higher earner (I work part time and am starting maternity leave in March). I did say DD would be better to stay here as I will not be able to afford much on my own with her and a baby on maternity pay. But he ignored that and said I was lazy.
No. Stick to your guns. Tell him bluntly that it is in the best interests of you (as pregnant) and DD to stay put, so if he needs space then HE can move out. Either that or he learns not to act like an arse.

Don't just do it.

CheesecakeAddict · 04/01/2022 09:03

He sounds like an abusive prick. Turn it on him to pack a bag and fuck off.

Woeismethischristmas · 04/01/2022 09:06

So much abuse starts in pregnancy. Personally I’d have a long think about where this is likely to go. So you stay but now the boundaries have been moved and it’s now ok for him to call you lazy and a cunt in front of your dad and newborn. At what point do you leave/ make him leave? I’d call women’s aid they are good at talking through your options and helping you figure what you want to achieve from the situation. It helps to make a plan.

Woeismethischristmas · 04/01/2022 09:07

Dad/ dd sorry autocorrect

Walking4You · 04/01/2022 09:08

So divorce lawyer ASAP. You need to find one today and take an appointment.

Go to your mum for a day or two then adjust what you will do according what your lawyer says.
Do NOT let him think he can boss you around and make his own children homeless (seeing that you are pg).

Do NOT think this is salvageable. He might have hidden what he thought very well until now. But what has been said can’t be unsaid. And he clearly neither love nor care for you and his dcs.

Clymene · 04/01/2022 09:11

What kind of a man tells his pregnant partner and daughter to leave their home?

Call a solicitor. It's your home - he can't kick you out. Do you feel safe?

endofthelinefinally · 04/01/2022 09:13

If you are not married you dont need a divorce. You must gather evidence of your ownership of your half of the house and all financial contributions to the family. You dont have any other rights except child maintenance as far as I know.

PleasantBirthday · 04/01/2022 09:14

Good grief. He needs to leave and you should not. Shortly, you will have two children and you need to keep a roof over their heads

youvegottenminuteslynn · 04/01/2022 09:14

Wow, he's kicked a pregnant woman and a child out of their own home because he's pissed off.

There's only one cunt in this situation and it's not you.

He has kicked you out (he has no right, it's a shared home) at your most vulnerable.

I also think it's clear he sees his child as your responsibility, an extension of you, rather than feeling genuine parental love for her. He sees her as a package deal with you, so in his head if you go she goes. He cares that little about her.

Did she witness any of this? Poor little thing.

You shouldn't have to leave, even temporarily, but as abuse often starts or ramps up during a pregnancy and he's clearly determined to be vile to you I think in this instance I would go to my mums for a few days so you and your DD are safe and you have some emotional support. And see a solicitor.

This can't be fixed IMO. He can't unsay it. I would never get over him kicking me and a child out, especially while I was pregnant. He's disgusting.

NearlyAHoarder · 04/01/2022 09:17

Report it you were threatened to leave the leave the house so you left out of fear. Then it's on record.

I'd leave. To hell with staying in the house. House up for sale. split the assets.

I left an abusive man. A properly abusive man. You cannot tell a man like this to leave ''his'' house. You can't.

All you can do is leave, get divorced.

HomeTheatreSystem · 04/01/2022 09:21

OP, are there really no other behaviours he's previously exhibited that you've brushed off, that honestly haven't left you feeling deep down unsettled by them? How was he towards you when you had your first child together?
It seems a bit odd that this has aggressive behaviour towards you has just emerged from nowhere. Can you give us a bit more background?

MerryChristmas21 · 04/01/2022 09:28

I'm sorry, what a horrible start to the New Year. You don't seem shocked, have things not been good?

This HAS to be the end of your relationship . It cannot recover from this.

Do NOT leave the house!! How well do you get on with your MIL? If you get on well with her, I'd ring & tell her DP needs to stay at hers while she's away & beyond & why. If you don't get on well with her I'd just tell him he needs to move into hers as you are NOT going anywhere!!

How old is DD?

Can a friend/family/neighbour invite her around for a few hours so you can make some phone calls??

HE is a cunt, not you & he has No right to tell you to move out!!