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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

New relatinship freak out

53 replies

charliebu1986 · 02/01/2022 16:42

Good afternoon, quick advice if anyone is able to help me....
Came out of 20 year marriage, ready to move on slowly after 2 years, met someone who I am interested in and would like to date.
I am busy at work and have 3 kids. He has said its ignorant the way I choose to message, rather than ring, as ringing is a much better communication tool and he hates messages. I think its nice to talk, and I was on the phone to him for 1.5 hours earlier in thr week but I want to take things slowly anyway, and I am not always free to speak for hours on end. If on messages I dont answer within a minute I get a ? or ok you havent time to talk to me
I have my own house, which he has commented on some day also living here, but I keep drawing it back a bit as I have 3 kids and not ready for that by any means.
He has also mentioned that although I am a clean person, my car isnt, as I have dogs, so he has asked for a lift somewhere which is a 3 hour drive, as his car is broken, but said I would either need to clean it or we need to buy seat covers, and get changed when there. He said its the dogs and its because I am used to it, but its my car, not sure if I have become use to no compromise
Main thing, is we were supposed to go out today it was arranged, he said he didnt ring me this morning as I hardly ever answer, he also did not message, he said I should have rang him and as I didnt it didnt happen, but he gets up late so I was waiting, anyway, should I say well Im not into phone calls, so meet me half way, or be understanding and start ringing more even though I don; like it. He said 15 year olf message, adults ring. Many thanks, all new again this and not sure what to do with it really. Not sure fi early red flags, or I need to chill out a little

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 02/01/2022 16:47

Christ on a cracker, all this shit and you're not actually dating each other yet?

Honestly,, don't invite all that crap into your life OP and especially not into your kids lives.

GoldenBlue · 02/01/2022 16:50

I don't think he's not right for you, that's the issue. He wants you to drive him 3 hours but you must clean your car etc before doing him this big favour.

He wants you to be at his beck and call to answer calls snd messages at the moment he wants you, and expects to be ahead of your kids.

He's already talking about moving into your house. That sounds like he's preparing to become a cock lodger.

He thinks grownups only call not message because that's what he prefers. I message much more than phone, as do most people I know (except those that can't spell?)

I think there may be better fish in the sea. There's no rush, take the time to find someone you like snd who actually likes you and who fits with your life x

Loveisthere · 02/01/2022 17:02

Oh no no no. Do not get involved he sounds controlling already block him

charliebu1986 · 02/01/2022 17:03

Yes, cheers, that is kind of what I thought, but wasnt sure if it was me not considering someone else opinion.

OP posts:
CeleriacOfTheNight · 02/01/2022 17:04

Would you like to borrow my trainers?

Sorehandsandfeet · 02/01/2022 17:06

This man is a walking red flag, do the best thing for your family and block him

Letitsnoooow · 02/01/2022 17:08

What?! Do not ever go out with him. What a horrible person pressurising you to ring him when you are busy. And the car thing is unbelievable.

crimsonlake · 02/01/2022 17:09

How low are your dating standards, you need to realize not any man will do. You need to hold out for someone who brings something to your life, not someone who will suck you dry.

Letitsnoooow · 02/01/2022 17:09

Have you actually met him in real life?

junebirthdaygirl · 02/01/2022 17:10

Even seeing he called you ignorant was enough for me!

HollowTalk · 02/01/2022 17:11

If you see this man again, even for one minute, you should go and get your head tested!

I have my own house, which he has commented on some day also living here Why does this not surprise me? Drag you down and then live with you? This man is an out and out loser.

StrawberryFizz26 · 02/01/2022 17:11

Run away and do not look back!!!!

2catsandhappy · 02/01/2022 17:12

Big alarms going off for me op! I think you can hear them too.
Keep your barriers up and look after number one(and the 3 dc)

Since he is loving phoning so much, he can phone a taxi and then a garage to fix his car.

samwitwicky · 02/01/2022 17:12

Oh good lord do not take it further with this man.

He wants a lift and wants you to clean your car beforehand??!

Fuck that shit. Get rid.

bongobingo43 · 02/01/2022 17:13

HE said YOU are ignorant?? 😂

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 02/01/2022 17:14

Honestly OP it's a bit worrying that you didn't just block him at the first of these red flags. You're not even dating and he's coming out with all of this shit?! How much did he offer to pay you for this 3 (6 round?) hour chauffeur session?

What a fucking chancer. Don't even bother telling him, just block the oxygen thief and set your bar a lot higher!

Therealjudgejudy · 02/01/2022 17:15

How low is your bar that you even need to Ask??

Do not let this man move into your kids home.

Jesus wept...

Timetoretiretospain · 02/01/2022 17:15

@junebirthdaygirl

Even seeing he called you ignorant was enough for me!
Yes I agree . He sounds horrible.
MerryChristmas21 · 02/01/2022 17:17

Fuck That Shit

No fucking way do you need that crap in your life, you really don't.

Just block the monumental twat on everything & move on.

I'm 52, I know there's not a load of lovely, single, men available, but I'd FAR rather remain single than put up with 5 minutes of that bellend.

maskedwoman · 02/01/2022 17:18

Oh gosh no op. You got me at the phone call thing to be honest. I have 3dcs, I don't have time to chat on the phone even if I wanted too.

The rest just gets worse.

He's one giant red flag. Sorry op

bathsh3ba · 02/01/2022 17:24

Definitely red flags. Trying to change someone from the word go is never a good sign

GrandmasCat · 02/01/2022 17:24

WTAF? I would not even give my phone number to anyone before a few days/weeks chatting in the app.

OP, you need to educate yourself better on OLD before you get into it otherwise you may be putting yourself, and your children, in danger.

First commandment of OLD: if it gives you a bad “vibe”, just block straight away and move on.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 02/01/2022 17:25

Bin anyone who misuses words such as ignorant.

litterbird · 02/01/2022 17:27

The hills are that way ->>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

arethereanyleftatall · 02/01/2022 17:27

I got as far as the ignorant bit, thinking then. 'Why didn't you dump him then and there'. Then it got worse. I didn't finish the whole thing. No need to. Relationships are supposed to enhance your life, otherwise they're not mandatory.

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