New relatinship freak out

[charliebu1986]

Good afternoon, quick advice if anyone is able to help me....
Came out of 20 year marriage, ready to move on slowly after 2 years, met someone who I am interested in and would like to date.
I am busy at work and have 3 kids. He has said its ignorant the way I choose to message, rather than ring, as ringing is a much better communication tool and he hates messages. I think its nice to talk, and I was on the phone to him for 1.5 hours earlier in thr week but I want to take things slowly anyway, and I am not always free to speak for hours on end. If on messages I dont answer within a minute I get a ? or ok you havent time to talk to me
I have my own house, which he has commented on some day also living here, but I keep drawing it back a bit as I have 3 kids and not ready for that by any means.
He has also mentioned that although I am a clean person, my car isnt, as I have dogs, so he has asked for a lift somewhere which is a 3 hour drive, as his car is broken, but said I would either need to clean it or we need to buy seat covers, and get changed when there. He said its the dogs and its because I am used to it, but its my car, not sure if I have become use to no compromise
Main thing, is we were supposed to go out today it was arranged, he said he didnt ring me this morning as I hardly ever answer, he also did not message, he said I should have rang him and as I didnt it didnt happen, but he gets up late so I was waiting, anyway, should I say well Im not into phone calls, so meet me half way, or be understanding and start ringing more even though I don; like it. He said 15 year olf message, adults ring. Many thanks, all new again this and not sure what to do with it really. Not sure fi early red flags, or I need to chill out a little

… and remember, the beauty of being divorced/single is that you don’t need to be considerate to their opinions, it it doesn’t work for you, just move on. I understand however that is difficult to find out where the limits are if you have spend a long time married to a selfish nasty man and accommodating his every whim.

ive met him a few times just as friends, so yes, he seems nice, but not these little things

How did you meet him? Online?

He called you ignorant.

Why have you not blocked the prick already?

Ok thankyou, just needed to check, and yes he wouldnt have got anywhere near my kids till I was very happy in at least a year, but not happening, not been made to change, thanks guys

Run like the wind!

He wants to talk on the phone 24/7 to have your full attention because thats part of love bombing (which isn't always full on compliments ect, it can just be about monopolising your time).

If someone calls you ignorant, tell them to go fuck themselves! Don't keep dating them xD

Deginately read up (continually throughout life) on how to spot abusers in dating.

*definately

"He has said its ignorant the way I choose to message, rather than ring, as ringing is a much better communication tool and he hates messages."

That's as far as I got before the thought "Wanker!" came into my head. My opinion of the prince amongst men did not improve on reading further - indeed, it went seriously downhill. From an already low start point.

"he has commented on some day also living here"
That's where I though"Fuck. Right. Off."

And as for his comments on your car, and his requirements before you do him the really big favour of a three hour lift in it ...

I don't think you're ready to date yet, if you don't see these as MASSIVE red flags and are wondering if you need to chill out. You don't need to chill out, you need to block this wanker and be done.

Run for the fuckin hills darling.
My god he's a catch isn't he .... NOT!!. After coming out of a long relationship and being single you need to work in boundaries and identifying red flags . Throw this one back .

Jesus christ on a 3 wheeler bike!! The alarm bells are ringing so loud it's hurting my ears!! Two words
Get
Rid

Run, and fast! He's not worth your time. So many red flags there plus he sounds really demanding! Don't waste any more effort on this future cocklodger...

15 yr olds use video chat and apps he's never heard of, any twat knows that(sic)
It's a moot point cause he's a massive arsehole disguised as a complete man.

Fuck him the fuck off.....I think you can do that before you start dating a control freak.

You do not want or need this crap in your life.
4th line of your post “ he says it is ignorant to message” had me saying walk away. Now.
Your house but he’s talking about moving in one day…. He doesn’t do dogs…… his car’s broken down, he’s expecting you to transport him but telling you how to prepare your car for his state visit……… Red flags waving all over the place.

No way! Don't let him tell you how you should communicate, he obviously isn't willing to compromise with you. I totally get you, when your busy with kids and work, you don't have time to be on the phone for too long, a message is quick and direct when you need to contact quickly about meeting up etc.
it's one of my bug bears, if the guy I'm dating doesn't have the same communication style as me I won't be with them, same for friends.

Good Lord, that's such blatant controlling abusive behaviour. Please tell him to go fuck himself.

You can clean your car or get cushion covers to give him a 3 hour lift...........

😱😱😱😱😱

Fuck off you prick!!

You must have realised by now from the replies so far, that this is screaming no, no, and no again.

No new guy would know my address, or whether I own my own property or not.

I would treat a new person like a friend for months and months before I shared the deep personal info.

They, shouldn’t be wanting to know such personal and private stuff either.

I would want a new person to concentrate on getting to know my likes or dislikes… my views on a range of topics.

To get to know each other without pressing to live together way too soon.
I would be doing the same with them.

I am lucky enough to be in an awesome relationship that started in my forties 20 ish years ago. We were just friends for at least two years.
I’m not saying you should copy me at all, but take your time to be able to trust not just who you’re going out with, but to trust your own feelings and self worth.

Sometimes, because you WANT a relationship to happen and blossom, you can blind yourself to red flags, and even put any blame on yourself, if you have been “educated” in the past that faults lay with you.

Stop . Breathe . Take your time.

Please end it firmly and don’t let him try and make you feel guilty or wrong. You have seen all the red flags, move on. Try and avoid any contact as he probably will try and hang on to you as he’s obviously seeing you as having £££. Dont let this put you off future dating, but don’t ignore these signs. You’re about to have a lucky escape!

Oh my gawd. Is his d**k made of gold? Where does this bozo get off laying down the law for giving him a 3 hour fecking lift. Ignorant 😂 for messaging.

That sounds exhausting. Not for me I'm afraid. I would be ending this before it's got off the ground. Sorry but there is someone much nicer out there for you

OP, in the nicest possible way, from the way you seem to be opening to considering whether he has a point of some kind when he repeatedly criticises you, while planning to move into your house a woman he hasn't even gone on a date with yet! I really don't think you're yet ready to date.

How can you think any of this is potentially ok?

Wow. He called you ignorant and told you to clean your car?? Please raise your standards!

Fuck that. Fuck him.
Block and never deal with his shit again.

More red flags than a bull fighting convention

Run!

Omg...generally you start off adoring everything about each other and nothing niggles and once married 5 years you start to find irritating foibles. To be this critical and snippy at such an early stage??? This man is not for you