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Original poster

Love hearts and pink

87 replies

quaychange · 02/01/2022 14:41

Stupid question but if you went to drop off the dog at your ex's and there was a pink electric toothbrush in the bathroom and a new doormat with hearts on, what would you think?!

He said the electric toothbrush is his. I didn't comment on the doormat. I always used to buy plain doormats as he was very fussy about patterns. He wasn't happy with anything too 'feminine' in the house in terms of decor.

He becomes tearful every time he sees me, says he wants me to return. The tears are not an act. I feel sorry for him but I am happier away from him. He has form for lying and he does it very well. I can't be with a man I cannot trust.

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 02/01/2022 16:41

Why make matters more complicated, and therefore more stressful, than they need to be?

Well he's got form for doing that if he was in a long term relationship and also paying for sex workers!

Don't try to psychoanalyse wankers. I really do think that sometimes it's that simple.

He cheated on you buy buying consent to have sex with women when he couldn't have known if they were trafficked / abused / coerced etc.

So he's scum. Leave him and his toothbrush to it.

FWIW I don't know any couples where sharing the dog has worked after a break up. You might need to make some tough decisions on that front in order to move on with your lives.

dingdongmerrilyy · 02/01/2022 16:44

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TowandaForever · 02/01/2022 16:45

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Original poster
quaychange · 02/01/2022 16:52

Well, let's hope the pink electric toothbrush is his, as he says it is ...

OP posts:
Jellycatspyjamas · 02/01/2022 16:59

Why does it matter, he’s an ex, what he does now is none of your concern. If you don’t want to offer emotional support (and I wouldn’t in that situation) then back off from chat other than small talk, but what he has in his house, the colour of the toothbrush or the door mat is none of your business whoever put it there. I don’t understand what you feel needs to be “sorted out” - if he’s in a new relationship it’s none of your concern now unless you were hoping to reconcile?

FlibbertyGibbitt · 02/01/2022 17:01

Remember that song “ you’re a pink toothbrush I’m a blue toothbrush “ there’s your answer !

2022beesknees · 02/01/2022 17:09

The 'sorting out' is the sale of the house. Which, presumably, he does not want to sell. He might be stalling for time for some reason.

Pinkbonbon · 02/01/2022 17:16

Looks like he's been seeing another woman. And fir quite some time because you don't start leaving toothbrushes at men's house and buying the furnishings for a fair while. Whoever she is, she thinks they are a couple and has no idea he is still pulling this manipulative bs crying shit with you.

Agree with pps you need to decide who gets the dog. And sell the house.

Pinkbonbon · 02/01/2022 17:19

And btw when he cries, he is not hurting for the reason you think. But because he has lost control over you. That's not someone you should feel sorry for. It's someone you should run away from. Fast and far.

2022beesknees · 02/01/2022 17:44

If you wanted to plant something to make someone jealous you'd be foolish to plant something in a room your ex may not even go into (such as a bathroom). You'd plant something in a room your ex is guaranteed to go into.
Toothbrushes are such commonplace things that it is easy to overlook them when you are living in a house. He may have tidied everything away and forgot about tidying the bathroom. Or ran out of time before tidying the bathroom.
Also, if he's a minimalist, is he really likely to leave an electric toothbrush on show? No. But another person who had stayed the night might.
You look at changes in patterns and changes in behaviour if you really want to know the truth. We are all creatures of habit in our own ways.

Inthesameboatatmo · 02/01/2022 17:47

It's none of your business and if the house is half yours sell ut or get him to buy you out. Just move on ,honestly it's given me brain ache just reading your op and some updates.

bcc89 · 02/01/2022 17:51

@quaychange

Well, let's hope the pink electric toothbrush is his, as he says it is ...
Why does it matter? Confused He's your ex!
MrsTerryPratchett · 02/01/2022 17:54

He is my ex because he committed adultery with sex workers.

I have felt sorry for him thinking he is alone.

He wasn't alone even when he was with you. He was abusing prostituted women and buying 'consent'. Sorry for him? You have a high tolerance for arseholes.

Separate properly, split the house, decide who keeps the dog, be done. Then he can get as many pink accessories as he wants and cheat on the next poor sucker with the next poor sex worker.

2022beesknees · 02/01/2022 17:55

@Inthesameboatatmo

It's none of your business and if the house is half yours sell ut or get him to buy you out. Just move on ,honestly it's given me brain ache just reading your op and some updates.
I think what the OP is trying to say is that she wants to sell the house but every time she sees him he starts crying so she can't bring up the subject.

The question being asked is: is he genuine in his distress, or does the appearance of the toothbrush mean that he is playing her by pretending to be upset when really, he has had a new woman all along.

JuniorMint · 02/01/2022 18:01

@quaychange

Well, let's hope the pink electric toothbrush is his, as he says it is ...
Why should we hope that? Why does it matter?
Jellycatspyjamas · 02/01/2022 18:05

Does it matter if he’s genuine in his distress, he’s not her responsibility any more - the process of selling the house is a legal one, him using tears to manipulate her is a continuation of abuse which she’s falling into by worrying about his distress. He’s a fully grown adult who can access support if he needs to.

Original poster
quaychange · 02/01/2022 18:06

I may have inadvertently knocked it over.

OP posts:
bcc89 · 02/01/2022 18:11

@quaychange

I may have inadvertently knocked it over.
Your behaviour is not normal. You need to give him the dog, or keep the dog. You need to stop going in the house and get it sold or whatever and move on with your life.
Original poster
quaychange · 02/01/2022 18:39

What do you mean my behaviour is not normal?!

If you mean by 'normal' that I'm not raging at him, making his life as difficult as possible, employing a shit-hot lawyer to take him to the cleaners then no, I'm far from normal. Yes I left him because I have self-respect and I should not be treated in the way he has treated me. He is still a human being, however. If his distress is genuine then the situation needs to be handled compassionately. I've got a solicitor acting for me now anyway.

It sounds as though people think I keep going into the house. I don't - he invites me in when I drop off the dog and sometimes I feel for him so I stay for 10 minutes while he talks at me. If I knew he had someone else he could talk at, then obviously I wouldn't go into the house, and it would make it a damn sight easier for me to talk to him about the sale of the house.

As for using the loo, this was the first time since I left him that I have needed to go into the bathroom. It was just circumstances - chugged some water, driven 30 mins, cold in the house, I felt stressed, I needed to pee! Have some compassion people!

OP posts:
whistleryukon · 02/01/2022 18:44

@quaychange

Well, let's hope the pink electric toothbrush is his, as he says it is ...
Your posts are all over the place. He's your ex, you don't want him, you want him to move on, you just want everything to be amicable.... but you hope the toothbrush is his?
PinkButtercups · 02/01/2022 18:50

You knocked the toothbrush over and you hope it is his.

You're not over him.

2022beesknees · 02/01/2022 19:04

@PinkButtercups

You knocked the toothbrush over and you hope it is his.

You're not over him.

So I read it to mean that the toothbrush may have inadvertently fallen - into the toilet? - and that if he's not telling the truth, some poor random woman will be cleaning her teeth with that tonight.

Cleaning toilet bowls with the cheater's toothbrush is actually a very popular and common choice of revenge mainly because it's something the betrayed knows has occurred and the betrayer doesn't know has occurred. It's a kind of mirroring or reflecting back of the original secrecy related to the betrayal which creates a small satisfaction in the eyes of the betrayed partner.

daisychain01 · 02/01/2022 20:07

@quaychange

What I hate the absolute most now I think is that I'm being forced to be hard when all this could be sorted out calmly, sensibly, rationally, amicably, all those things which come a lot lot easier to me.
You're way too overinvested in this whole situation.

By all means do cool, calm, collected and civilised, but do it completely at arms length

No more sharing a dog - be civilised, let him keep the dog and get another one that's 100% yours. It's ridiculous wasting your energy in a pet.

No more stepping a foot inside the house, get the finances sorted out with a solicitor. Sounds like he's refusing to budge, so a solicitor is a must.

Distance, distance, and more distance. Cut the ties. He sound skanky anyway you don't know where he's been,

Make it a New Year's resolution.

GreyCarpet · 02/01/2022 20:37

@quaychange

I may have inadvertently knocked it over.
What does that mean?

You knocked it over deliberately? Why? Believing it was his or another woman's? Why?

That's what a pp means by your behaviour isn't normal.

What does it matter if he has a new girlfriend or has developed an interest in pink and hearts or is doing it to make you jealous?

He's. Your. Ex.

If you'd been to a new boyfriend's house and seen the toothbrush I'd understand your questions but knocking it over still wouldn't make any sense.

ZoeTheThornyDevil · 02/01/2022 21:39

Whether his distress is or isn't genuine, he's your ex. You cannot be the person who helps him with his distress. Because you're his ex. You need boundaries, and he needs to find other people to help him with any feelings he may have. Because he's your ex.

You don't have DC together, sharing the dog isn't going to work, you really do need to have the boundaries in place so that the only thing you talk about is the winding up of the sharing of the house. If his distress is genuine, listening to him on the subject isn't at all kind, because it's preventing him from healing and moving on.

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