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Original poster

Love hearts and pink

87 replies

quaychange · 02/01/2022 14:41

Stupid question but if you went to drop off the dog at your ex's and there was a pink electric toothbrush in the bathroom and a new doormat with hearts on, what would you think?!

He said the electric toothbrush is his. I didn't comment on the doormat. I always used to buy plain doormats as he was very fussy about patterns. He wasn't happy with anything too 'feminine' in the house in terms of decor.

He becomes tearful every time he sees me, says he wants me to return. The tears are not an act. I feel sorry for him but I am happier away from him. He has form for lying and he does it very well. I can't be with a man I cannot trust.

OP posts:
30not13 · 02/01/2022 15:43

He planted them.

Original poster
quaychange · 02/01/2022 15:44

@Buildingthefuture

A pink toothbrush and a love heart door mat??? There is definitely a woman in that somewhere!! I’m sure it’s confusing for you, since he’s asking you to return, but honestly, some men just pull that shit. He’s your ex for a reason…..talk about the dog but nothing else
He is my ex because he committed adultery with sex workers.

Up to very recently I have managed to keep the conversation limited to the dog and another mutual matter. Lately he has seemed more distressed and seems to want to talk. I have felt sorry for him thinking he is alone.

If what you say is correct, that is extremely confusing to me. Why make matters more complicated, and therefore more stressful, than they need to be?

OP posts:
Original poster
quaychange · 02/01/2022 15:48

@Sn0tnose

I think you’re being really unrealistic about sharing the dog. It never works and it isn’t working here. One of you needs to walk away.

I think he’s met someone and it’s serious enough that she feels comfortable buying doormats for the house, but that he’d quite happily take up with you again if he thought you’d agree.

I also think that you need to stay out of his home. Go to the loo before you leave home. You’re not six. There needs to be firm boundaries between you.

Quite bizarre having to justify needing to pee!
OP posts:
gelatodipistacchio · 02/01/2022 15:49

I don't see all the hate for OP here. But yes, he's clearly found someone else l.

Georgeskitchen · 02/01/2022 15:51

I would want my half of the house
He's obviously got a new woman

Original poster
quaychange · 02/01/2022 15:51

@GarageMusicLover1980

And as an adult surely you can hold your pee until you get home. You only use HIS bathroom to check his things.
Trust me, I couldn't have left it another half hour!

It's a minimalist bathroom so a pink electric toothbrush stands out like a sore thumb!

I don't go looking or snooping, I always ask before I need to go anywhere in the house, there was no hidden agenda, I just needed to pee!

OP posts:
HNY2022mam · 02/01/2022 15:53

Because he enjoys the fact you are still emotionally invested in him, you need to disengage.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 02/01/2022 15:54

I have felt sorry for him thinking he is alone.

If he's lonely he can book another sex worker, surely.

He's yanking you around and trying to play the victim. Tell him to fuck off. Get the house sold ASAP, see a solicitor if he's dragging his feet. Do the dog handovers at the doorstep, don't go in, don't talk to him about anything apart from the dog and the house sale.

This man is not your friend, he's not sorry he cheated on you, he's just boo-hoo-hooing because he got caught and is now facing the consequences, ie the end of the relationship.

I also suspect the items were planted for your benefit, probably hoping to make you jealous and want him back. I mean how many women do you know who would buy a pink toothbrush and a heart-decorated doormat for the house of a man they've been seeing a few weeks??

Original poster
quaychange · 02/01/2022 15:57

That makes sense @EvenMoreFuriousVexation

OP posts:
Thatsplentyjack · 02/01/2022 15:57

What are you so confused about? He's clearly a manipulative liar, why are you shocked that he's crying to you about getting back together and has someone else already? Why ate you taking the dog back and forward to him? Why have you moved out if it's half your house and the break up was his fault?

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/01/2022 15:58

Start doing dog handover in a public place.

PinkButtercups · 02/01/2022 16:00

I'd rather piss myself then go into my ex's house.

Maybe he does have a nee women. Maybe he doesn't. Why does it matter?

Original poster
quaychange · 02/01/2022 16:02

@Thatsplentyjack

What are you so confused about? He's clearly a manipulative liar, why are you shocked that he's crying to you about getting back together and has someone else already? Why ate you taking the dog back and forward to him? Why have you moved out if it's half your house and the break up was his fault?
He refused to move.
OP posts:
bcc89 · 02/01/2022 16:04

You're now the ex. Stop questioning what he's doing and stop poking around in his bathroom.

Onlinedilema · 02/01/2022 16:06

Throw him back in the pond he really isn't worth it. Tell him you are going to put the house up for sale or he buys you out.

Ugzbugz · 02/01/2022 16:09

From reading what you've said, I think he's planted them to see if uou notice and make you jealous? Or he is seeing someone and she's done it on purpose to make sure her things are seen. Door mat is wierd.

Original poster
quaychange · 02/01/2022 16:13

@bcc89

You're now the ex. Stop questioning what he's doing and stop poking around in his bathroom.
I was not poking around his bathroom! I walked in, saw an electric toothbrush sitting there (planted, I thought) with his manual blue toothbrush in the cup, sat on the loo, etc., washed my hands, used the towel to partially dry ( then thought, argh germs, so wiped my hands on my jeans instead) walked out again! There's nothing else to see, short of opening the cupboards which I wouldn't do. I noticed the shower was clean though, much cleaner than when I lived there!
OP posts:
gannett · 02/01/2022 16:19

It's really weird to criticise the OP for using the bathroom. Sharing a dog with an ex and needing to pee are completely normal things and she wasn't snooping.

That said - he's your ex and you don't want him back (regardless of what he wants) so whatever you happened to notice, it's not your circus and not your monkeys.

If he's living on his own then any second toothbrush (pink or not) would be an indication of another regular guest. And you know his decor style and a hearts doormat obviously isn't that. But it's not really your business.

I would try to detach more emotionally from him - I think you can still care about exes on some level, I think exes can be friends and share dogs amicably, but they can't be each other's support networks.

GarageMusicLover1980 · 02/01/2022 16:20

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation

I have felt sorry for him thinking he is alone.

If he's lonely he can book another sex worker, surely.

He's yanking you around and trying to play the victim. Tell him to fuck off. Get the house sold ASAP, see a solicitor if he's dragging his feet. Do the dog handovers at the doorstep, don't go in, don't talk to him about anything apart from the dog and the house sale.

This man is not your friend, he's not sorry he cheated on you, he's just boo-hoo-hooing because he got caught and is now facing the consequences, ie the end of the relationship.

I also suspect the items were planted for your benefit, probably hoping to make you jealous and want him back. I mean how many women do you know who would buy a pink toothbrush and a heart-decorated doormat for the house of a man they've been seeing a few weeks??

I think that's what you wanted to hear. I think you were waiting for someone to say he is doing it to make you jealous. You agreed straight away lol.
Buildingthefuture · 02/01/2022 16:23

@quaychange….he’s making things more complicated because he’s a man child who wants you AND whoever the toothbrush/doormat belong to as well. He needs his ego boosting from ALL directions! Personally, I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong here, apart from feeling any empathy with this man who has abused your trust and cheated on you with Sex workers. However, the whole planted thing is something I hadn’t considered…..and it would be a whole new level of fucked up ness. And all the more reason to give this man the swerve. I wouldn’t give up my dog though!!

Original poster
quaychange · 02/01/2022 16:28

No. I needed to read someone telling me to do precisely what @EvenMoreFuriousVexation tells me to do.

The last paragraph of @EvenMoreFuriousVexation can be challenged because she may not have suddenly appeared within weeks; she could have been in the background before. But that is just speculation. Plus, female visitors often leave toothbrushes in the bathroom of a house which they are sleeping at but not living at (e.g. daughter/daughter's friends).

OP posts:
Thatsplentyjack · 02/01/2022 16:29

The door mat is really weird anyway. Why would a woman come to a guysbgouse and the things she leave behind are a Toothbrush (plausibel but but clichéd) and a doormat! 🤣.

whistleryukon · 02/01/2022 16:32

He's not fucking lonely, you need to stop feeling sorry for him. The amount of common garden overgrown fuck boys like him who are able to turn on the tears and declarations for the 'partner category' women or ex whilst simultaneously sniffing around other women is plentiful. He was paying women for sex whilst you were together, do you think he's living a lonely life of celibacy and has taken a heartbroken vow of chastity now that he's free and single?

Bexxe · 02/01/2022 16:35

Please don’t share custody of the dog, my current partner did this with his Ex as neither wanted to say goodbye.

After about 8 months it was decided he will stay with us, and now has terrible separation anxiety as he never knew whether he was coming or going.

Dogs need stability and routine like humans do, I know it’s hard but you need to make the tough decision for the best interest of the pup 🐶

Original poster
quaychange · 02/01/2022 16:39

What I hate the absolute most now I think is that I'm being forced to be hard when all this could be sorted out calmly, sensibly, rationally, amicably, all those things which come a lot lot easier to me.

OP posts: