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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Weird argument - not sure how I feel but upset

62 replies

WtfAgainGiveup · 02/01/2022 00:20

Was chatting with DP tonight , was all done and he mention show he’s getting fed up of the same meals on rotation. I sort of agreed and said it’s hard to think of something different .

Got my phone and was looking at recipes , suggested a couple of things and he said ‘no don’t like the sound of those’
I replied ‘ok what sort of thing do you like? Out of the meals we have which is your favourite? Just to give me some idea what to look up?’
He just laughed and said ‘anything!’

So I kept looking and suggesting. Then said maybe we can look when shopping ?

He laughed again and I found it odd. I said what’s your favourite type of food ? Indian. Chinese. Mexican. Thai etc etc
Laughed again ‘nothing’

It got really weird , he started to criticise a coupon of meals id made in the past that he ‘didn’t like’
I said well what had he made that was nice then ? ‘Oh loads of stuff’ again wouldn’t specify anything
He just started laughing at me ?? About food ???

I said I was tired and was going to bed as he was just being weird refusing to engage in a conversation he started and laughing at me to which he shouted at me to fuck off and stormed off out ???

I have NO idea what on Earth has happened it’s so trivial over food ? But he was acting so strangely I’m just lying here thinking wtf happened

OP posts:

rocky1914 · 02/01/2022 00:23

Tell him he can fuck right off to the local chippy if he doesn't want your food. Furthermore, tell him to get his arse in the kitchen and cook for his damn self since it's such a big issue. Please don't lay there asking yourself WTF any longer. Go to sleep. He's an ungrateful, disrespectful prick.

JackieCollinshasnoauthority · 02/01/2022 00:24

He probably didn't want you to 'solve' the meal problem based on a throwaway comment he'd made. Rude to tell you to fuck off though and he should apologise for that.

todaysdilemma · 02/01/2022 00:24

Sounds like he just wanted to start a fight tonight. No idea why. Normally it's because they're too cowardly to end things so push you into doing it, or he's feeling guilty about something, or he wanted an excuse to go out at night. Does he storm out like this often?

Original poster

WtfAgainGiveup · 02/01/2022 00:25

It was the strangest thing I just felt totally confused

OP posts:

Original poster

WtfAgainGiveup · 02/01/2022 00:28

@todaysdilemma

No and this has only happened once before a few months ago where he was really suddenly off and unkind then laughed at me in a similar way.

It just came from nowhere taking about food and I just feel like he was being really rude it was the laughing that upset me more than being told to fuck off weirdly too

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 02/01/2022 00:28

I would be fucking furious. How dare he speak to you like that and mock you? The rude idiot can make his own food. Any man who told me to fuck off would be walking out the door for the last time.

rocky1914 · 02/01/2022 00:29

@WtfAgainGiveup

It was the strangest thing I just felt totally confused

I don't blame you. My DH is the same sometimes. It's the vague "anything" and the laughing at every response that gets my back up tbh. Apologies if my first reply came across a bit aggressive. I think it triggered something and I just pictured my own DH's stupid face asking stupid questions and just being a generally ungrateful dick.

Go to sleep please. He's not worth another second of your precious time.

Potatodrivers · 02/01/2022 00:30

Could it be that he wanted you to wonder wtf. To have you question yourself and let your mind run in circles while he plods on happily?

I'd just stop cooking for him and let him to it for himself.

Original poster

WtfAgainGiveup · 02/01/2022 00:30

@Aquamarine1029

I would be fucking furious. How dare he speak to you like that and mock you? The rude idiot can make his own food. Any man who told me to fuck off would be walking out the door for the last time.

It’s odd in as much as he does cook a lot - that’s why I asked him what he liked out of meals he’s chosen to make and it was like getting blood out of a stone each question I asked was laughed at and ignored .

He hadn’t had a drink or anything he was just acting totally rudely and being horrible

OP posts:

todaysdilemma · 02/01/2022 00:31

Based on your response, that a similar thing happened recently, I'd say he picked the argument intentionally. Being about food is a red herring. Can you think why? Leave it tonight. But tomorrow have a calm conversation with him on what's going on because exploding over food isn't normal. Don't yell or rage back - you want to get to the bottom of this, not give him more excuses to dump this shit on you.

Original poster

WtfAgainGiveup · 02/01/2022 00:32

@Potatodrivers

Could it be that he wanted you to wonder wtf. To have you question yourself and let your mind run in circles while he plods on happily?

I'd just stop cooking for him and let him to it for himself.

I do feel like that actually it’s as if he wanted to wind me up and was as if he was blocking me for lack of choice when he often decided what we eat if he’s cooking and I was asking him for ideas but he wasn’t giving any wheh he had unified the whole subject

It’s like he wanted me to feel like I was going mad

OP posts:

Gardeningcreature · 02/01/2022 00:33

Don’t cook for him again until he apologises.
Cook your own meal and don’t even mention food to him. The ungrateful bastard.
If he says where is my dinner day in the shop waiting for you to buy it and cook it.

Original poster

WtfAgainGiveup · 02/01/2022 00:33

blaming me not blocking

OP posts:

sosickofthisshit · 02/01/2022 00:33

Tell the twat to make his own fucking dinner. Ungrateful prick 😠

loloballlolo · 02/01/2022 00:33

ltb

todaysdilemma · 02/01/2022 00:34

I only say that because I too have been in a situation where I would unreasonably get irritated with my partner over inane stuff and pick arguments - but really I was unhappy and wanted out, so was trying to cause tension to justify leaving.

iklboo · 02/01/2022 00:34

If he likes 'anything' he'd get a pouch of Felix and some Bonios next meal.

Original poster

WtfAgainGiveup · 02/01/2022 00:35

@todaysdilemma

Yes a few months ago but everything else had been fine so it’s very strange

I just keep going over it and it’s just puzzling me and the laughing was just so so rude . I’ve text him to say when he gets back the spare rooms made up for him

OP posts:

Original poster

WtfAgainGiveup · 02/01/2022 00:36

@iklboo

If he likes 'anything' he'd get a pouch of Felix and some Bonios next meal.

🤣

OP posts:

Theunamedcat · 02/01/2022 00:36

Just cook for yourself if he wants to know where his food is laugh at him

Original poster

WtfAgainGiveup · 02/01/2022 00:37

@todaysdilemma

I’m starting to think it’s for to be something like that as it was so random. All most like all evening he had wanted to argue but then nothing else presented itself as a topic so he tried that

OP posts:

Potatodrivers · 02/01/2022 00:40

My ex used to do shit like that all the time. He would create an issue that I don't believe was an actual issue, more so just something to use. Then he would put it across in a way for me to fix it, with no help and only frustration or mockery from him with all of my attempts.
Then he would get angry, and I would be once again trying to fix a problem that he had created...only at that point it felt like I had created it for failing to fix the original problem.

Mind fuckery. I'd mark it as a red flag, and if it lines up with more red flags you've noticed then I'd have a serious think about things.

SandingWithMyUnshavenLegs · 02/01/2022 00:42

He sounds unhinged. That was not about food. Not really.

How long have you been with him? (Roughly). It seems likely that this will continue and probably get worse.

Original poster

WtfAgainGiveup · 02/01/2022 00:43

@Potatodrivers

My ex used to do shit like that all the time. He would create an issue that I don't believe was an actual issue, more so just something to use. Then he would put it across in a way for me to fix it, with no help and only frustration or mockery from him with all of my attempts. Then he would get angry, and I would be once again trying to fix a problem that he had created...only at that point it felt like I had created it for failing to fix the original problem.

Mind fuckery. I'd mark it as a red flag, and if it lines up with more red flags you've noticed then I'd have a serious think about things.

Yes, mind fuckery sums it up

I feel like he’s removed my brain twisted it around and put it back ! I’m just confused and doubting myself but I know it wasn’t me really it just made me go over everything I said and thinking even did I use the wrong tone of voice or something

OP posts:

Dillydollydingdong · 02/01/2022 00:45

Isn' that called gaslighting?

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