Weird argument - not sure how I feel but upset

[WtfAgainGiveup]

Was chatting with DP tonight , was all done and he mention show he’s getting fed up of the same meals on rotation. I sort of agreed and said it’s hard to think of something different .

Got my phone and was looking at recipes , suggested a couple of things and he said ‘no don’t like the sound of those’
I replied ‘ok what sort of thing do you like? Out of the meals we have which is your favourite? Just to give me some idea what to look up?’
He just laughed and said ‘anything!’

So I kept looking and suggesting. Then said maybe we can look when shopping ?

He laughed again and I found it odd. I said what’s your favourite type of food ? Indian. Chinese. Mexican. Thai etc etc
Laughed again ‘nothing’

It got really weird , he started to criticise a coupon of meals id made in the past that he ‘didn’t like’
I said well what had he made that was nice then ? ‘Oh loads of stuff’ again wouldn’t specify anything
He just started laughing at me ?? About food ???

I said I was tired and was going to bed as he was just being weird refusing to engage in a conversation he started and laughing at me to which he shouted at me to fuck off and stormed off out ???

I have NO idea what on Earth has happened it’s so trivial over food ? But he was acting so strangely I’m just lying here thinking wtf happened

Is he really at bil's?

The sneery laughing alone would get my goat. As would criticising my food without any decent explanation or response to any suggestion.

I suspect, like others, he has picked a fight so that he can go out.

But why not just say ‘I’m off to BIL’s’?

It just honks a bit. Sorry.

The man is a tube.

I would need to see proof that he's been at his bil's every time to even start to rebuild trust. It seems fishy for reasons stated by pp's. Condolences OP. Something is definitely off and it ain't your meal plans.

This all sounds very peculiar.

If you have been together for over 15 years surely by now you would know what his/each others favourite foods are?

Must be a backstory to this otherwise it seems a very strange reaction, yours and his, to a conversation about meal planning.

@minmooch

This all sounds very peculiar.

If you have been together for over 15 years surely by now you would know what his/each others favourite foods are?

Must be a backstory to this otherwise it seems a very strange reaction, yours and his, to a conversation about meal planning.

Yes we did - hence the same sort of meals on rotation etc so it is VERY odd

He came back, said had been at his brothers and went to bed said no more. This morning he has come out with a half hearted apology but added ‘well I didn’t want to argue’ like I’d started it sink said ‘let’s get this straight- you started it I’m not being blamed’
I then get told I should have started the day afresh so I’ve pointed out it’s not on his terms and he can’t dictate how I feel and act and that later on I actually want to discuss things properly but for now I’m going out for a bit for a walk to clear my head as it feels like a very bad atmosphere in the house

He’s created an argument so he can leave IMO.
Because it is THE most random argument and attempt to provoke you.
I remember an incident like this over a car battery. Like you I was sat there thinking wtaf just happened.

I ended it within weeks. But for me this was part of a wider set of behaviours that I could see happening. If it’s just this in isolation then a calm convo is needed. If it’s part of a wider set of behaviours, then take a step back and look for a pattern.

Was he on his phone before the row?

It sounds to me very much like he was trying to get a good reason to leave the house without telling you where he was going.

Did he storm off the last time too?

I hate to worry you but I’m your position I’d be looking out for evidence of an affair....

@wildseas

Was he on his phone before the row?

It sounds to me very much like he was trying to get a good reason to leave the house without telling you where he was going.

Did he storm off the last time too?

I hate to worry you but I’m your position I’d be looking out for evidence of an affair....

Yes - and last time it was after a break from work too so I’m wondering if it’s someone at work ? He’s not been on his phone any more than usual and leaves it around all over the place so he’s not secretive in that way

I wonder if he’s looking for an excuse to go off and take drugs .

This is not about food, it’s something underlying that’s on his mind. If it was about food he’d just suggest alternative meals or discuss it with you.

The inappropriate laughing is an expression of suppressed anger, which was finally released when he shouted at you and stormed off.

I’m afraid this could mean he’s had enough of the relationship. This is what happened to me. I was as baffled as you are to start with. Ex-partner suddenly said he didn’t like our meals (that he’d been eating and enjoying for over 10 years). He started going to his friend’s place for weekends, claiming the friend had invited him to a house party. Then he started saying weird stuff like he couldn’t stand the way I brushed my teeth. He mocked the way I spoke. All this had never happened before.

Basically he manoeuvred me into eventually ending the relationship. He denied that there was anyone else. I later found out that he did have an OW.

I’m telling you this because what you have said here sounds familiar. It looks like he’s tiring of the relationship for whatever reason, doesn’t want to be honest about it and is trying to blame you for responding to his weird behaviour. Please don’t believe the problem is you and not him.

I hope you can get him to be honest, but if he won’t open up and continues to deliberately wind you up like this, you have your answer.

Sorry this is happening to you, it’s really traumatic to go through this, especially when you’ve been together a long time.

OP, he sounds really nasty and hateful. Why do you want to lower yourself by staying with him? Forget the spare room, I'd be throwing him out. He's not a catch is he. I'd rather be single than be with a hateful and nasty piece of work.

I agree with PPs that it sounds very much like he wanted an excuse to get out of the house. If it was me, I’d be having a good old dig through his phone/emails/banking etc. Not popular here on MN but if my DH was behaving so weirdly, I would bloody want to find out why!!