Husband saying strange things

[LostenFrance]

A while ago my husband said to me that most women would want two men at the same time (in a sexual sense). He said this DTD so I assumed it was just new sex-talk and let it go. But then afterwards he said it again. Like as in starting a proper conversation about it. I said 'er no', but he insisted that they would. So then I asked him how he would know what most women want and he just said 'they just do'.

He's also said - at a different time - that most women don't receive flowers from their husbands. Again, I queried how he would know about most women, and he insisted that time as well that most women just don't receive flowers from their husbands.

What would you think of this?

I think you should tell him, he is not married to most women, he is married to you. Most men don't tell their wives how most women live. Most men has the balls to live their own lives.see how he likes that

Too much exposure to porn mag nonsense.

I mean, if he wants to have his preferences shaped by a fat bloke in his sixties writing into Readers' Wives Magazine pretending to be a 19 year old with poor bladder control, that's his thing - but actually engaging with real women through his teens would have probably helped his psychological and sexual development more.

Time to shut that down before it's 'I want to film you/see you with another man/do dangerous stuff/you're thinking about other men aren't you/you can't be trusted outside/you're wearing makeup to pick men up' comes about.

They are two quite different things.

Oh I love a man who thinks he's a knowledgeable authority into the minds of women, more than actual women

It doesn't matter if you're the only woman in the universe who doesn't like it. Only your preference counts here.

FWIW I certainly wouldn't want to DTD with two blokes.

I know a couple of women who have done this and hated it.

I've just thought to myself that at the time it felt to me like he was chatting with a new hook-up/acquaintance, rather than with me - his wife.
Like, imparting his worldly wisdom on someone new.

@58bpm

They are two quite different things.

How so?

How kind of him to mansplain that you are not womaning correctly.
How would you manage without his patient coaching OP?

Do you think it's leading up to him inviting another bloke into your bedroom and him also trying to manage your expectations that you won't be getting any flowers afterwards (at least, not from him)...?

Are you married to 90s era Mel Gibson?

No? Then he's full of shit.

Sounds like the sex between you and two men is his fantasy and he"s trying to bring it about . I imagine the flowers comment is to excuse him not getting you them much.

Yes they are different things, but both are a form of' 'gaslighting'/psychological manipulation as he's trying to tell you what the world is like and that his claims and beliefs about it are right and yours are wrong and you should accept his claims, no matter how they seem and what they seem to promote/excuse. It's a kind of brainwashing.

I would tell him that most women would find his assertions creepy and unattractive.

When he queries this, just tell him, you just know they would.

He sounds thick.

Are you getting the Ick from listening to such BS?

The ick - obviously yeah.

Hmmm......part of me thinks you shouldn't even bother arguing with him on such a silly assumption. He thinks one thing, you think the other, the end......

Another part of me thinks he's introducing you to that opinion because this is what he secretly wants to do this fantasy with you.

Even if you call him out on it directly, he might be too embarrassed to actually admit it (because some men would be concerned about the homoerotic implications of certain acts).

Instead, he wants to introduce the topic so that you get the chance to admit your deepest darkest desires (he wishes). He would then get to claim it was all your idea if it doesn't work out like he imagined, or would be able to maintain some sort of imaginary distance to his bi-curious fantasies.

I've thought before that he might have bi-curious fantasies. Ick.

I forgot to add -

The next step to what I wrote above would be to insinuate that there's something wrong with you - I note he said 'most' and not 'some' women. He might be trying to make you feel insecure for not being like 'most' women, and therefore be more likely to try and please him by acting in accordance with his definition of 'normal'.

Whatever next!?

'Most women' like anal? 'Most women have fantasies of sleeping with 18 year old girls?'.

I'm curious to know what kind of bullshit he'll come out with next.

I just mean neither of them in isolation are that strange to me.

And as they are such different topics I wouldn't be too bothered by them.

Maybe just an odd thought popped in his head and he said it.

But you were there and do sound bothered by it...I don't think you can do much about it unless he comes out with more gems.

Tell him most men want to be pegged with a 14 inch dildo the same circumference as a can of beans and see how on board he is with that.

@LostenFrance

I've thought before that he might have bi-curious fantasies. Ick.

@LostenFrance

I'm sorry OP. I really hope he doesn't do anything silly like contact men on dating apps to arrange something like this in advance of actually asking you.

It really is like he forgot me as me and just lumped 'me' (as in, the person in front of him) in with generic 'women'.
Like, he's been talking to so many women that he's lost sight of who I am.

This reminds me of another recent post where the man assured the OP that ALL his previous partners had offered both blow jobs AND anal at every single session. PPs advised that was unlikely to be true especially the anal!

Does your husband watch a lot of porn? It seems to be that men get the impression from it that what women are really desperate for is to be spitroasted by two blokes at once (and choked for good measure) who then jizz on her face. Errrrmmm, in real life, nope.

I would be saying well I am the woman you know best and I don't want that and never will ... so your point is what exactly?

Or, really? Name one woman (or indeed several women) who we know and I will ask her/ then to verify this overwhelming desire.

As for the flowers. Some men do, some don't. In my experience the majority do. My husband isn't a romantic type but I do get flowers for our anniversary and valentines day. My dad gives my mum flowers for her anniversary. Out of my three closest female friends their partners buy them flowers (1) very occasionally (2) only in birthday (3) every weekend (they both like having fresh flowers in the house). So what your H means is that HE doesn't buy you flowers and he never intends to.

He can't have been talking to that many women. It's more likely he's been chatting to other men who have the same fantasy, and they have concurred with him that yes, women are TOTALLY up for it!! THEY ALL LOVE IT!! That kind of talk.

He could also have been on swinging sites/forums so his perceptions are skewed in favour of how he wants women to be.

@honeylulu

I was on that thread too.

Such gems they come out with. XD

Anybody who needs to recruit 'everybody' or 'most people' into their argument doesn't feel that their argument is strong enough on its own.

It's called an Appeal to Authority (in philosophy it's one of the logical fallacies), and it's used to distract from the fact that the 'I say you're wrong, so I must be right' argument is very very weak, and there's nothing else to back it up.

Why would he need to recruit 'most women' into his claims? Because he wants you to feel that you 'fit in' with most women, and that he can convince you what 'most women' think. Urgh.

I think the phrase 'I'm leaving you' may be of use to you... or failing that, 'I don't care what most women's experience is, I'm an individual, with individual wants and needs.'

Going to be honest here and say my husband started the “most women do “ thing. It was purely to coerce me into co operating with his swinging fantasies. It’s vile.