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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Argument-“thick fucker”

84 replies

Somebodyotherbody · 29/12/2021 23:09

Right! So me and my husband had an argument lastnight. Been married a number of years now and have young children.

So I mentioned to him that I’ll be starting the gym soon. He already goes to the gym nearly everyday for excessive number of hours say around 3-4 sometimes even more and defeats the purpose of going as he eats junk food straight after coming back as he either orders dessert or buys something on his way back. I tell him what’s the point of going there if you eat shit straight after. And he says in reply most wives would be supportive of their husbands and say kind things to encourage them not to eat junk and tell them they will reach their weight goal instead of making them feel like shit🤔. Anyway the time he’s away for is beside the point that’s a whole other issue.

I mentioned to him that I’ll be starting the gym soon too as I would like to better my health and lose a lot of weight. Had a baby few months ago and I work part time and handle majority of things related to the kids.

So he when I told him that I wanted to start the gym he said “well you better start paying the bills as I won’t be able to work as much once you start going to the gym as well as work”
Stupid statement as I contribute MASSIVELY to bills/household costs honestly! He’s saying as he’s self employed he can’t work as much, however I have been off work on maternity for a very long time yet didn’t see much change to his finances. You’d think he would back his point and earn more whilst I’m off work as he has all the time in the world to work and go to the gym. Does anybody else agree or disagree that this is him saying sit your ass down and don’t go anywhere??

Anyhoo iv gone off track a bit….so we carried on arguing/discussing things back and forth and somehow came to the point where he first said “you’re thick” and followed that up with “you thick fucker” to me. I was shocked and said “I’m thick why?”. He said how do you expect me to pay bills if your working 2 days out of the 7 and going to add gym to that list?”. He said I’m just trying to keep him indoors locked away lol. I said my word you’ve not took advantage of the time iv been at home with the kids so how would me working and going to the gym affect your earnings?”. I have a career to which I won’t give up as I worked hard to get there . Today is now a day later, he came back in from work, I’m not speaking to him and he hasn’t said a word to me at all. Not even a text message. I mean we argue time to time and end up not talking to each other sometimes as I’m sure happens in other people marriages however I felt so sick after he used them words during our argument. The argument happened late at night when we were in bed and I turned over and just went to sleep. Whenever we do argue though he always always wins, as in I end up just going silent because I’m shit at arguing back. He calls me too sensitive as I just go silent during arguments.

Am I too sensitive? Overreacting?
Cross posted on AIBU too

OP posts:
Whydidimarryhim · 01/01/2022 03:30

Op seems to be ignoring all comments that he’s not at the gym.

Graphista · 01/01/2022 03:42

So he's a dope head gym obsessed, selfish, tight bully...

And that's if he's telling the truth about being at the gym for several hours which I highly doubt!

Throw in self employed so I'm guessing you don't know for certain the hours he works?

...why are you still with him?!

Weed use doesn't have to be high to cause psychosis if someone is susceptible to psychosis even one hit can trigger.

And you're married and have no idea of each other's finances at all?!

How do you split bills etc?

Sounds like he is v likely driving under the influence too which is illegal and dangerous as I'm sure you know. They can test at roadside now (my brother is a police officer and his mate he joined up with does this job. He's in charge of deciding where check points are etc. it's a v simple test)

In your shoes I'd be reporting to his employer and Dvla and maybe even police that he's driving under influence I couldn't have it on my conscience if he killed someone and I coulda stopped him.

Personally I'm totally anti drugs anyway and that alone would be a deal breaker for me I'd be outta there!

Itsnotdeep · 01/01/2022 08:06

Well I wouldn't stay with anyone who smokes weed at all tbh. People keep casually throwing this into posts on relationships but why isn't it a deal breaker?

Why would anyone want to stay with , let alone bring up a child with, someone who habitually smokes weed?

He sounds awful OP>

Hopingforabagofbuttons · 01/01/2022 08:24

Lmao, the chances of him being at the gym that long are next to zero
The driving while he’s doing weed would do it for me. Nothing worse than a selfish cunt who doesn’t give a shit about putting other people on the road at risk. I have no time for people who enable their behaviour either.

MsDogLady · 01/01/2022 08:27

Your H is a selfish, narcissistic, drug-using pig who feels entitled to act like a single man when he chooses to,. He expects you to comply with his wants/needs, but he couldn’t care less about yours.

Re the gym visits: On your other thread you say you are certain that he spends the entire 3-4 hours there because he works out with his best friend. You say you can track his phone at any time. I agree with others that he is up to something at the gym or elsewhere. He could certainly stash his phone there while he leaves or could make up a believable lie if you did track him at a different location.

He says that your commenting on his gym hours is a form of control, and his mother claims that you have no say in where he goes or how long he stays.

Re your home life: He is way underinvested. You state that your children “just see the back of him all the time.” He arrives home at 6:00, leaves for the gym at 7:00, returns around 10:00ish (after the children’s bedtime), and smokes his weed.

You do all the shopping, cleaning, cooking, and the majority of child rearing. His contributions mainly involve driving the children, which is frightening in light of his drug use: doing the school runs/pick ups when you can’t, and driving your eldest to swimming/boxing 1 day a week. He will also do the 15 minute bedtime routine if he happens to be home.

His arguments against your going to the gym were entirely unreasonable and without merit. Tying it into finances/his work was ludicrous. You say you “massively” contribute financially, and that wouldn’t change. He has an agenda to control you, and his foul, contemptuous name-calling is disgusting.

In your shoes, I would leave this toxic man-child. He is a drug user. He is a terrible role model, and your children are observing a dysfunctional relationship blueprint.

gofigureit · 01/01/2022 09:41

Well you are stupid if you waste your life and stay with this man.
He sounds the biggest loser - you need an exit plan

Graphista · 01/01/2022 20:40

@Itsnotdeep I don't understand it either I've lost loved ones to drugs inc weed! People who view it as benign are fools!

I would NEVER even date someone who took drugs and It's been a choice I've taken on occasion.

@MsDogLady yes he could well be stashing the phone in a gym locker and be off doing goodness knows what - or who! Inc the best friend! In fact that rings a bell! Is this the op her dh wouldn't change the TIME he went the gym BECAUSE he couldn't bear to go without his bff and is leaving kids witching hour to op? I think I commented on that thread too

Branleuse · 01/01/2022 20:42

Rather you than me OP.

Tulipsandviolets · 08/01/2022 22:48

Driving under the influence while the kid's are there and taking drug's. I'd look for a plan out op Flowers

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