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Original poster

Is it better to have ex paying mortgage or child maintenance?

79 replies

Teapot55 · 29/12/2021 20:45

My ex is currently living with his mum. He's cancelled all the DDs except for the mortgage. Should I start paying that myself and get him to pay child maintenance instead? Or should we start paying half each? He doesn't want to sell the house and neither do I.

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 29/12/2021 20:49

His legal obligation is to pay both if his name is on the mortgage

ponkydonkey · 29/12/2021 20:51

Mine pays both... but he's very generous and kind

Rainbowqueeen · 29/12/2021 20:55

I’d say you need to have a proper discussion and separate financially.

Yes he is liable for the mortgage if his name is on it. It also means he is entitled to live there. If he wants to buy another house then the fact that he owns your current home will impact how much he can borrow.

It is also possible that he may stop paying which will impact your credit rating

Get some advice and do your figures. What you both want right now may change in the future. If you are amicable now, this is the time to get it sorted, not when he has a new partner or needs money urgently and wants his share of equity right away so forces a sale

Gensola · 29/12/2021 21:04

He can’t be forced to pay mortgage, actually - yes he is “liable” legally but all that will happen if he doesn’t pay is that the company will ask OP to pay and if she can’t they will repossess the house. They can’t actually force him to pay. He is legally liable for child Maintenance and can be forced to pay that so I’d go for that tbh, if he kicks off you can apply to have it taken out of his salary so he has no choice.

Siennabear · 29/12/2021 21:05

I have a single friend with one child. The ex agreed to pay half the mortgage and no child maintenance. He won’t pay towards anything for the house,repairs, decor or anything. It seems very off to me. Yes she gets to stay in the house, but technically he’s not paying for his Hilda d will eventually gain from it. Meanwhile my friend has to pay half the mortgage and everything for their child.

Siennabear · 29/12/2021 21:05

Paying for his child

illbeinthegarden · 29/12/2021 21:11

My ex has always paid the mortgage and given me less child maintenance. So he pays my half of mortgage instead of give me full maintenance. Now we are getting to the end of the mortgage I don't think this is best. I couldn't afford to buy him out but think that would of been best. Unless he decides to willingly remove his name from the deeds I owe him his cut! It was always a unofficial agreement so I feel I don't have any comeback. I have improved and maintained the house.

Whatever you do get it in writing!!

GreenLunchBox · 29/12/2021 21:18

@Siennabear

I have a single friend with one child. The ex agreed to pay half the mortgage and no child maintenance. He won’t pay towards anything for the house,repairs, decor or anything. It seems very off to me. Yes she gets to stay in the house, but technically he’s not paying for his Hilda d will eventually gain from it. Meanwhile my friend has to pay half the mortgage and everything for their child.
Disgusting

Why don't we do this in this country?

KylieKoKo · 29/12/2021 21:21

I think what's better will vary from situation to situation. The mortgage of an expensive London property who's value is increasing is worth more than the mortgage of a flat in disrepair in a cheaper arsa. I think you should look at your circumstances and choose something that allows you and your ex to provide a suitable home for your children.

Original poster
Teapot55 · 29/12/2021 22:08

The mortgage is £500 and CM would be about £320 so obviously I'd be better off if he keeps paying the mortgage but I wondered if that would put me at a disadvantage. He's very unlikely to want to buy anywhere else as he's probably going to lose his job eventually due to being in trouble with the law. He has £20k in savings but is expecting quite a high legal bill.

Do I need to tell the DWP if he's still paying the mortgage? As I've applied for UC.

OP posts:
DiamondBright · 29/12/2021 22:10

I would take legal advice, if you're not able to buy him out then staying in the house leaves you in a fairly precarious position, he might be ok with living with his parents and paying towards the mortgage now, but long for? What happens when he meets someone new or gets fed up with his situation?

He needs to pay child maintenance and you need to sort out your finances and separate them, preferably as part of agreeing to divorce terms and getting a consent order.

Original poster
Teapot55 · 29/12/2021 22:10

"I think what's better will vary from situation to situation. The mortgage of an expensive London property who's value is increasing is worth more than the mortgage of a flat in disrepair in a cheaper arsa. I think you should look at your circumstances and choose something that allows you and your ex to provide a suitable home for your children."

As I said we're not looking to sell so not sure how that comment is relevant. The house I live in is the family home so obviously a suitable home for my children.

OP posts:
Jk24 · 29/12/2021 22:11

My friend looked into this and he has 2 options. Either sign the house over to you or pay half the mortgage until your child is 18 then he can make you sell up and take half but he would still need to pay cms

Jk24 · 29/12/2021 22:11

I think the latter is called a mercer agreement

Original poster
Teapot55 · 29/12/2021 22:12

DiamondBright we're not married and the only joint thing we have is the mortgage.

OP posts:
DiamondBright · 29/12/2021 22:13

@Teapot55

"I think what's better will vary from situation to situation. The mortgage of an expensive London property who's value is increasing is worth more than the mortgage of a flat in disrepair in a cheaper arsa. I think you should look at your circumstances and choose something that allows you and your ex to provide a suitable home for your children."

As I said we're not looking to sell so not sure how that comment is relevant. The house I live in is the family home so obviously a suitable home for my children.

The PP means you both being able to provide a suitable home, rather than you keeping the fmh with financial support from your ex and him living in his parents spare room, which no judge would consider fair.
AnneLovesGilbert · 29/12/2021 22:14

It’s a mesher agreement.

AnneLovesGilbert · 29/12/2021 22:15

Ah, well you can’t get one of those if you’re not married.

gonnabeok · 29/12/2021 22:16

I'm separated, we have a joint mortgage and the mortgage company expects us to pay half each. He also pays cm.

Brakebackcyclebot · 29/12/2021 22:16

Child maintenance and what you do with the marital home are separate issues.

He is legally obliged to pay child maintenance. There is a calculator online to work out how much.

Your divorce settlement will establish how you divide or deal with the marital home. This is a negotiation that is entirely separate to the child maintenance issue.

anonymous01 · 29/12/2021 22:16

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anonymous01 · 29/12/2021 22:17

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KylieKoKo · 29/12/2021 22:18

As I said we're not looking to sell so not sure how that comment is relevant. The house I live in is the family home so obviously a suitable home for my children.

It's relevant because you might be financially better off with a different scenario but whether that's true is dependent on your circumstances. Your ex will presumably want his own place to live at some point and will need enough money to make sure that place is ok for your children to stay there.

Would the house remain in your joint names or will your ex be expecting to keep all the equity that he'll be paying for? This makes a big difference to your future.

I don't think it's reasonable to expect your ex to pay for you to live in a house while he can only afford to live with his parents indefinitely.

MrsBerthaRochester · 29/12/2021 22:18

The mortgage is nothing to do with cm. My ex tried this crap. He still pays the mortgage and cm(although half what he should)

Brakebackcyclebot · 29/12/2021 22:18

Ah, just read you aren't married.

The child maintenance point remains. He is legally obliged to pay this, depending on how you share time with the children.

As.you aren't married, there is no legal mechanism to sort out the house.