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Original poster

Is it better to have ex paying mortgage or child maintenance?

79 replies

Teapot55 · 29/12/2021 20:45

My ex is currently living with his mum. He's cancelled all the DDs except for the mortgage. Should I start paying that myself and get him to pay child maintenance instead? Or should we start paying half each? He doesn't want to sell the house and neither do I.

OP posts:
DiamondBright · 29/12/2021 22:19

@Jk24

My friend looked into this and he has 2 options. Either sign the house over to you or pay half the mortgage until your child is 18 then he can make you sell up and take half but he would still need to pay cms
This isn't correct at all.

The ex has no obligation to maintain the OP or their dc in the fmh, the OP is responsible for providing a roof over her head and her children's heads when they're with her, his contribution towards that is child maintenance.

Original poster
Teapot55 · 29/12/2021 22:23

Sorry KylieKoko I should have added that he won't be having the kids stay over and I agree I can't expect him to keep paying the whole mortgage.

OP posts:
Original poster
Teapot55 · 29/12/2021 22:25

Brakebackcyclebot he's not allowed any contact with the kids so where does that leave me with CM?

OP posts:
Calamitydrayne · 29/12/2021 22:33

He still has to pay it.

GrumpyLivesInMyHouseNow · 29/12/2021 22:34

He's should be paying both, 50% of the mortgage and all of cm. Bu paying the mortgage he's decreasing the debt on the house and hopefully the house is also increasing in value. He owns half of the house so 50% if any equity is his. The mortgage has no affect on cm, it's separate.

JustLyra · 29/12/2021 22:34

You need to get proper, specialist advice.

You need to find out how the potential legal bills are going to affect your house - you don't want him to end up penniless, you paying the mortgage for decades and then it turning out there's charges against the house.

Also you need to work out long term what you intend to do - you do not want the security of your home based on his whims when you won't have contact with him by the sounds of it.

Jk24 · 29/12/2021 22:35

@AnneLovesGilbert thank you for your correction i weren't sure! @DiamondBright that info came from a solicitor...

Danikm151 · 29/12/2021 22:40

CM is more important- that goes towards expenses for your child- including living costs.
It’s also a legal obligation. If the stopped paying the mortgage you couldn’t chase him for that amount. He stops paying CM then CMS can chase and take from wages too.

Cattitudes · 29/12/2021 22:43

I would say that he needs to pay the child maintenance regardless, but if he is wanting to share in the final equity for the years after the split then I think he should also pay half the mortgage.

You don't want it to appear as if it is always just him paying the mortgage and also you want to make sure that if he stops paying it, you are aware quickly and can take over.

It's not as if £600 is likely to be the real cost of half the expenses of two children full time.

Embracelife · 29/12/2021 22:53

@GrumpyLivesInMyHouseNow

He's should be paying both, 50% of the mortgage and all of cm. Bu paying the mortgage he's decreasing the debt on the house and hopefully the house is also increasing in value. He owns half of the house so 50% if any equity is his. The mortgage has no affect on cm, it's separate.
But there is also occupational rent forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5693113/occupational-rent

Op should pay the mortgage as,she getting the benefit of the property

In lieu of occupational rent

See a solicitor
Decide what will happen when dc reach 18

Casper001 · 29/12/2021 23:05

@MrsBerthaRochester

The mortgage is nothing to do with cm. My ex tried this crap. He still pays the mortgage and cm(although half what he should)
What crap?

The person living in the house should pay the mortgage.

Casper001 · 29/12/2021 23:07

@GrumpyLivesInMyHouseNow

He's should be paying both, 50% of the mortgage and all of cm. Bu paying the mortgage he's decreasing the debt on the house and hopefully the house is also increasing in value. He owns half of the house so 50% if any equity is his. The mortgage has no affect on cm, it's separate.
Tell me your entitled without telling me your entitled...
FrippEnos · 29/12/2021 23:29

there are professionals on the legal board that will be able to give you advice.

Several on here have already posted incorrect information.

Also go see a solicitor.

ArnoldBee · 29/12/2021 23:51

I can't see where you have stated who actually owns the house?

Blossom64265 · 30/12/2021 00:06

You need real legal advice. If he is facing legal problems, all his assets are at risk for settling legal fees, fines, or remunerations. Your home may not be as protected as you might hope.

Original poster
Teapot55 · 30/12/2021 00:10

ArnoldBee its jointly owned but so far the payments have been coming from his account.

OP posts:
JustLyra · 30/12/2021 00:16

You really need to get proper advice about his legal fees, his situation going forward and protecting your home.

Do you own the house as Joint Tenants or Tenants in common?

ArnoldBee · 30/12/2021 00:21

As its jointly owned and dependent on his legal issues you might be better disposing the house.

DiamondBright · 30/12/2021 06:45

Definitely get legal advice, but no judge would expect someone to pay the mortgage of a house they're not living in long term, maybe until the house is sold if that's the only way it's affordable but not long term, it's not reasonable.

There may be some very specific circumstances where this is different, there are circumstances where an ex will have to pay spousal maintenance and could pay the mortgage in lieu for example , but on the whole this "he has to keep a roof over the dcs heads until they're 18" is absolute nonsense.

Neveragain85 · 30/12/2021 07:26

My partner has been to court recently & the whole staying in the house till the kids are 18 is no longer a rule they apply. The judge actually said in their case their house should be sold. How can these men afford half the mortgage, cms & also pay for their own home? How is that fair? I don't see how financially linking 2 people who are no longer in a relationship for x number of years after their split is fair to both parties. You split up so all jointly owned assets & liabilities should be sold & shared, then you are both free to have a financially separate future. The fact that you weren't married puts you in a even worse situation. I would sell, get any financial links to him ended & get on with your future

DiamondBright · 30/12/2021 07:37

@Neveragain85

My partner has been to court recently & the whole staying in the house till the kids are 18 is no longer a rule they apply. The judge actually said in their case their house should be sold. How can these men afford half the mortgage, cms & also pay for their own home? How is that fair? I don't see how financially linking 2 people who are no longer in a relationship for x number of years after their split is fair to both parties. You split up so all jointly owned assets & liabilities should be sold & shared, then you are both free to have a financially separate future. The fact that you weren't married puts you in a even worse situation. I would sell, get any financial links to him ended & get on with your future
Absolutely right, and tbh you don't want to be financially linked to someone you're not in a relationship with, you can't separate your credit records while there's a joint mortgage and he could be out running up debts against the property.
over2021 · 30/12/2021 08:13

If you're not married he has no financial obligation to you aside from CM.

Personally I would look to buy him out or sell ASAP.

Bushkin · 30/12/2021 08:36

Be careful setting a precedent that he only pays CM if you think he may lose his job soon. That would reduce his CM liability to zero.

He should probably pay CM plus a cx portion of the mortgage but not half given he’s not free to live in it, you’d effectively be renting his half off him.

As PP said I’d advise selling & splitting assets to be financially separate from him esp if unmarried and he’s in trouble with the law.

Wickerandboxes · 30/12/2021 08:36

If he looses his job then he won’t have to pay any child maintenance. I would accept what he’s doing for now and see what happens with his job situation. He’s more likely to pay the mortgage from his savings than child maintenance as he (as well as you) would get into financial trouble by not paying it.
You can always go back to claiming child maintenance at a later date once circumstances change for him and you.

Personally though, I wouldn’t want to be in a jointly owned home with my ex if I didn’t need to be (my ex was abusive and really nasty) so would sell and start again if I could

Original poster
Teapot55 · 30/12/2021 09:41

I'm reluctant to sell as private renting is ridiculously expensive now - like twice the cost of the mortgage. Plus we rented for 10 years before eventually being able to buy so I would like to stay on the property ladder if possible. That said, I don't have the funds to buy him out although my parents/brother would consider helping.

OP posts: