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Original poster

Is it better to have ex paying mortgage or child maintenance?

79 replies

Teapot55 · 29/12/2021 20:45

My ex is currently living with his mum. He's cancelled all the DDs except for the mortgage. Should I start paying that myself and get him to pay child maintenance instead? Or should we start paying half each? He doesn't want to sell the house and neither do I.

OP posts:
millymolls · 30/12/2021 10:41

You really do need proper legal advice
If you are joint owners he’s entitled to 50% of equity, regardless of who pays. Morally he should contribute but legally you are joint and severally liable - meaning if he doesn’t the mortgage company would expect you to pay
You need to think about separating properly and ensure everything is tied up correctly
See a solicitor

PicaK · 30/12/2021 10:44

Are you claiming UC? If so then the mortgage payment could be regarded as income. Ditto if you get a council tax reduction for low income.
Best to get finances sorted, change it to CM and take over the mortgage payments yourself.

Yuledo · 30/12/2021 10:51

Will he pay £500 cm to you so you can pay the mortgage? Or is he expecting to benefit from any equity increase? I’d be concerned if he pays 100% he might be entitled to a bigger share when your kids are adults.

Original poster
Teapot55 · 30/12/2021 12:34

Yes I've claimed UC, not received anything yet.

Yuledo I don't think he'd give me £500, he'd rather keep paying it directly if he's going to at all. We haven't talked about it much as he gets too upset. He didn't want to split up but I felt I had no choice.

OP posts:
Original poster
Teapot55 · 30/12/2021 12:40

I've thought about renting it out as a way of keeping it but not sure it'll be worth the hassle. The estate agent said I could rent it out for £1000k+ a month but after paying the mortgage and splitting the profit with him I wouldn't be left with much each month.

OP posts:
JustLyra · 30/12/2021 12:43

I get why you are reluctant to sell, but your situation isn’t normal. He’s in legal trouble and isn’t allowed near your children. You need to get advice specific to your circumstances.

There is no point fighting to save a house if his legal bills are going to cost you it in the long run. You need to know if, financially, you’d be better off selling and taking your share of any equity you may have before it’s swallowed up.

Embracelife · 30/12/2021 14:31

Find a,way to buy him out
You cannot rely on his income long term

Original poster
Teapot55 · 30/12/2021 19:47

He's not going to spend £20k+ on legal bills though surely?

I won't be relying on his income if I can help it. My parents will help if needed.

OP posts:
Bushkin · 30/12/2021 20:58

Why would your parents pay the mortgage on an asset when one day he will take 50%?

If they can help can they help you become independent now?

Jk24 · 30/12/2021 22:39

Op I'm sorry but others are right. You can't reply on him or others (parents and brother) to help a grown woman financially. If he doesn't agree to waiting to sell you will need to sell and buy him out its only right. Especially as its you who ended the relationship. Can you not use your half to put down on another property?

JustLyra · 30/12/2021 23:36

@Teapot55

He's not going to spend £20k+ on legal bills though surely?

I won't be relying on his income if I can help it. My parents will help if needed.

20k doesn’t go far in many cases when it comes to legal help.
Blossom64265 · 31/12/2021 04:12

If his crime is serious enough that he is legally barred from seeing the children, 20k in legal bills doesn’t seem like a stretch.

StucklnAChimneyCantGetOutOflt · 31/12/2021 04:56

Mine pays the mortgage instead of maintenance.
I declare this to UC - the amount gets taken off my UC.
Child maintenance, however, would not be taken into account.
I did know this but am not sure whether the bank would allow me to remortgage on my own, so it remains as it is. I could have asked other half to pay mortgage money to me but labelled as maintenance, then paid the mortgage myself, so would not lose the UC but that felt dishonest and for now, his name has to stay on it so we agreed he would pay, I would declare and it is then transparent and above board. Leaves me struggling when faced with unexpected bills though.

Itsnotdeep · 31/12/2021 08:21

You need to get legal advice re the house and how to house to children. But essentially he is obliged by law to pay maintenance for the children. He also has a contract with the mortgage company to pay the mortgage. As you're not married, you don't have any legal rights over the property longer term unless he agrees to it. You could reach an agreement that you stay in the house until the dc are 18 and then sell up and share it - I'm not a family lawyer and I don't know how enforceable this is if he changes his mind down the line as you're not married.

Getting the house transferred into your name is another option but the mortgage company would have to agree and you'd have to meet all the payments.

Re benefits - you could phone Gingerbread? They can give you some advice about maintenance and benefits which might give you a starting point.

Original poster
Teapot55 · 31/12/2021 09:06

Itsnotdeep what do you mean I don't have any rights over the property? I'm a joint owner the same as him.

OP posts:
Embracelife · 31/12/2021 13:10

You both have rights as joint ownership.
Either can push for a,sale under TOLATA

Gensola · 31/12/2021 13:36

@Teapot55 I think she means that you don’t have the same rights you would have if it was the Marital Home, there are some things judges can do in a divorce setting to allow the wife to remain in the former marital home but that doesn’t apply if not married.

Itsnotdeep · 31/12/2021 13:38

@Teapot55

Itsnotdeep what do you mean I don't have any rights over the property? I'm a joint owner the same as him.
Yes, sorry I didn't mean that. I meant if you were married and got divorced you might have other rights over joint (or his) assets and income.
Brakebackcyclebot · 02/01/2022 09:32

OP he has a legal obligation to pay child maintenance, whatever, based on his income and reduced by nights the children are with him. You say he is jot allowed to see the children, I assume because of abuse or the 'trouble' you say he's in. If he has no job or is in prison (is this a possibility?) he would have no income and so could not pay any child maintenance.

Tbh he sounds like a complete loser, who you would be well shot of. If your parents and family are supportive, I would spend my energy in your case on making myself totally financially independent from him, so that you are in control of your own destiny. Even if that means selling the family home and buying something tiny or renting again, or staying with family while you save.

I would get financial and legal advice so you have clarity on your position. Getting the advice doesn't have to cost thousands. A solicitor will be able to tell you what options you have so that you can make an informed decision about what to do now.

Soontobe60 · 02/01/2022 09:38

@Teapot55

"I think what's better will vary from situation to situation. The mortgage of an expensive London property who's value is increasing is worth more than the mortgage of a flat in disrepair in a cheaper arsa. I think you should look at your circumstances and choose something that allows you and your ex to provide a suitable home for your children."

As I said we're not looking to sell so not sure how that comment is relevant. The house I live in is the family home so obviously a suitable home for my children.

I think you’re being naive if you think he won’t want the house sold at some point in the future. Assuming he’s happy to pay the mortgage until the youngest child is 18, at that point he can force the sale of the house and will get half the proceeds. You need to work on the assumption that you need to get him off the deeds and pay the mortgage yourself asap.
Brakebackcyclebot · 02/01/2022 09:38

Take a look at this website - lots of advice for free, and a directory of advisers in your area (assuming you are UK based).
www.thegrouphug.com/

Also you could talk to someone at Women's Aid or the Citizens Advice Bureau.

LannieDuck · 02/01/2022 09:57

He has an obligation to pay CM.

What you and he decide about the mortgage I believe is more flexible. If he wants to continue to accrue an interest in the property, he needs to continue his payments. If he doesn't, make a note of when he stopped contributing because you can argue that his equity accrual should cease at that point.

If you need his contributions to cover the mortgage, you can always use his CM payment for that. But then it would come from you and you would be the one accruing equity in the property, not him.

(Important caveat as someone above has said, is if you think he's in danger of losing his job and having his CMS payments reduced substantially.)

Embracelife · 02/01/2022 10:44

f you need his contributions to cover the mortgage, you can always use his CM payment for that. But then it would come fromyouand you would be the one accruing equity in the property, not him.

That is not how it works
It doesn't matter who pays
When sold they share equity according to the share %set out when bought
If nothing set out then 50 50

See a solicitor

BurntToastAgain · 02/01/2022 10:47

@Theunamedcat

His legal obligation is to pay both if his name is on the mortgage
I don’t think this is actually true.

When I spoke to a solicitor she suggested that asking my husband to pay half the mortgage instead of maintenance might be the reasonable thing to do (it’s the higher figure).

If he’s paying the mortgage, then he’s housing the children. And it’s difficult to then insist that he must pay maintenance too.

LannieDuck · 02/01/2022 11:46

@Embracelife

f you need his contributions to cover the mortgage, you can always use his CM payment for that. But then it would come fromyouand you would be the one accruing equity in the property, not him.

That is not how it works
It doesn't matter who pays
When sold they share equity according to the share %set out when bought
If nothing set out then 50 50

See a solicitor

Apologies if I've got it wrong.

I've definitely seen posts on here where the Ex's interest in a property ceased at a specified point because they stopped contributing. Maybe they were legal agreements at point of divorce?